Just a thought...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Just a thought...
10
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 5:32pm

I am 20 years old and have been lurking around here for some time and wanted to get your opinion on a thought that has been worrying me. I have been thinking about whether I will ever be happy with my body. I mean after you loose the weight you still have to deal with the loose skin, stretchmarks (at least I do), and the frightening conclusion that I may only see other flaws. I have already lost some weight and though I am happy with my accomplishments, I already see that trend happening. As in “I wish my legs were longer or my hips narrower”.

I know that loosing weight goes well beyond just vanity, live longer, be healthier, and drastically reduce the risk of cardiovascular conditions, diabetes and high blood pressure. However, vanity does play a role, at least on my part. I want to be able to wear nicer clothing and feel comfortable at social gatherings. So what are your feelings on the subject? Are women as a whole trained by society to hold themselves to standards that are obtainable only via plastic surgery? Am I just immature? Does this worry anyone else? Your opinions please, don’t be afraid to be honest.




Edited 12/27/2006 5:33 pm ET by iluvtennis08
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:19pm

I hope at 20 you are a little bit immature - otherwise you've got the rest of us beat...I'm 50 and feel a little immature sometimes...

In my opinion, it is very hard to be totally satisfied with anything - we're always looking for the next great thing - otherwise, we wouldn't want to keep working, learning, trying new things, making progress.

I think its a question of whether you are dissatisfied with something you can change and you work on it or whether you are obsessed with having the perfect body and you're willing to go to all kinds of extremes - living on lettuce; working out many many hours a day; going under the knife to fix flaws only you can see. I don't think this board has too many people at that extreme end of things.

After observing people (on here and in 'real-life'), I think most of us would like to look better as well as feel better - and sometimes we can put that near/at the top of our to-do list, and sometimes a lot of other things get in the way.

Since you are only 20, you are in a great place to make changes now that will make your very long life so much better - eating healthy, getting into a work out routine, taking care of your skin/nails/hair, etc. Stretch marks will fade, and what's the alternative - keep the weight on so you have nice smooth skin covering a body you dislike?

For me, this journey is about self-love - knowing that I deserve to make time to take care of myself. I'm someone who always battled my weight, but I didn't fully 'lose' the battle until I hit 40, so I wasn't where you are when I was wild and young - but I wish I had learned to take care of myself way back when and I applaud you for confronting this now.

The only other thing I'll say is that I think it is important to learn to love yourself and your body no matter what you weigh. As thrilled as I am to have lost the weight I have, I sometimes want to say to people 'I was a good person even when I was fat.' And I have always had parts of me I thought were spectacular. I urge you to find those parts of you.

This was a great question - thanks for asking it.

SJ
225-172-135

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:50pm

I am a complete worrywart, and yes I do worry all the time that I will still be unhappy with myself. I have stretch marks like you wouldn't believe, but I can't say it is all from the weight, as I have 3 children to show for those marks as well. Immature?? Well.....yes and no. LIke PP said we are all immature to a point. Will I undergo a ton of plastic surgery, no way. IF I need it to remove loose skin, then yes I would do it. Other than that the only thing I would like to do in the way of plastic surgery is a boob lift (possibly a reduction if I don't loose any of them). Why would I do this?? My back kills me and they play a part in that! Do I have these worries, bet your bottom dollar I do. Am I vain?? Heck yea I am, always was when I was skinny, and I am trying to get back to that, cuz frankly I took better care of myself when I was that vain. I want to look good, for myself and for dh. I want his coworkers to be like

 

Angela

image

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 6:52am

Hey, I know how you feel. I'm 24 (almost 25) and dealing with the same issues. We had a discussion about this earlier and these are the main points:

The younger you are, the more elasticity your skin has. Because of this, losing the weight now, as opposed to 5, 10, or 20 years from now, will allow your skin to rebound better.

In order to help keep your skin at it's best apply lotion (once or even twice daily) and even more importantly, drink LOTS of water.

Also, it is important to remember that your skin doesn't shrink back as quickly as you lose weight. Even after you reach your weight/body size goal, your skin will continue to shrink back for 6-12 months.

Bad habits like smoking, drug use and drinking wreak havoc on your skin. If you have issues with any of these, work on quitting so your skin can work it's best.

Although I don't want to look like I'm melting (smaller with sagging skin), I prefer that to where I am now. When I get down to my goal and have given my skin extra time to finish adjusting to my new body, I'll decide then if I want to get a tummy tuck or a boob job. I won't know what my body will look like until I get there, so I try not to obsess about it now.

I hope you decide to lose the weight instead of letting your body image concerns prevent you from becoming a healthier person. I think my legs are too short too, but I can't get leg extensions and I figure once their not so wide, maybe they'll seem longer than they do now.

Good look and kick booty!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 7:28am

I have stretch marks from pregnancy and I wear them with pride! To tell you the truth, I hated how they looked at the beginning, but right now they don't bother me so much. I don't have a skin problem (yet!), so thank God. (I'm 27 BTW). I am not going to lie here, I am losing weight mainly for the looks. Health benefits are a plus, but mainly for the looks. But I think "perfect" is relative. For

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 11:40pm

Thank you all so much! It’s comforting to read the opinions and the assurances from all of you out there. I tend to be a chronic worrier, and though it has its benefits there are some obvious drawbacks.

I have to admit that I was in a bit of a mood that day. I think I was resentful of the huge part of my life that is taken by loosing weight (I don’t know about you guys but it is always on the back of mind, the water, the exercise, packing my food for the day etc… ). However, I am back on track, my mood is greatly uplifted and I want to thank you all so much again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 11:46am

You asked for honesty, so here it is: It may be really helpful for you to get some help from a counselor. While your worries are familar, I fear you may be heading for danger. The healthier you get (by losing weight) the more fault you seem to find. We ALL go into a weird mode: as we change what is familiar to us (even our fat), we get a little scared because we are out of balance from the familiar. But if these are not fleeting thoughts, and become more intense, then we need help to balance the negative thinking. Your wishing for things that cannot possibly be changed (longer legs, for ex ...oh, I can so relate to that one! :-) can be a major red flag if this is something that colors your view of yourself and discounts your accomplishments.

Good luck to you. Your thoughts are very familiar. Counseling helped me tremendously, so of course I'm biased! I wish you well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:17am
i understand what your saying, your not crazy ,i have alot of stretchmarks too. i really hate them. But we do live in a world were image and looks are every thing.i' am in my early 20's and understand that you what to fit in with other slim people.the Journey of weight loss is very hard ,it is also filled with so many emotions.but learning to love & respect your self is important. love your body even if your have stretchmarks.think long and hard about plastic surgery , it a quick fix but it don't always solve your problems. it could bring on more problems. we all wish we could look like models, but were all different shape and sizes that is what makes us different. i'am happy that you have taken control of your life and are on that Journey to a new you. Don't let society pressure you into somthing , that you may regret 10 or 20 years later.i hope what i have to say is helpfull to you .write back and tell me how have you been lossing the weight. i also have a weight problem . i'am about 212 pounds& 5'6 and would love to be weigh 160 pounds but need so much help to loss weight.i have a time limit 6 months .To a new sexy Beautiful bubbly Confident person.Any one out there tell me you story .
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:11am

It was very nice to hear from you and I was pleasently surprised by how much we have in common. I am also 5'6" and am at a current weight of 178 pounds. So how did I lose some of the weight?

Diet: I am not an extremist in any way, so I cannot cut out any food group or any food all together. I do try to limit my caloric intake to 1500-1800 calories per day and have become very portion conscious.

Water: I am not a big water drinker but try to make an effort to drink as much as I can.

excercise: I workout 3-4 times per week for a least 45 minutes. This was the hardest part for me, I started out small and worked my way up to 45 minutes.

Loosing weight has its ups and downs. Some weeks I felt like I would do nothing, always be full and the pounds would be falling off. Other weeks I would be so careful about what I ate and so diligent about working out, but there would be no weight loss. I say this not to discourage you, but as a warning so you are not disappointed. I found that by setting "mini-goals", was the best way to go. Insead of focusing on the amount of weight I wanted to lose in however many months, I would focus on just losing ten pounds at a time, and increasing my workouts by five minutes or whatever.

As corny and cliche as this may sound, losing weight is a lifestyle change. You could eat nothing but lettuce for a year, drop a 100 pounds, but gain it all back the moment you start eating normally again. You want to lose the weight in a healthy fashion, which typically means a max loss of 2 pounds a week. The slower you lose the weight the more likely you are to keep it off. Experiment with different vegtable combinations to see what works for you, try new recipes that your whole family can enjoy, start any excercise you feel comfortable with and do the best you can! Best of luck!
- P

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 10:53pm
Thanks for the Advice I really appreciate it very much. Small steps are best in the beginning, also I know that it not going to always be roses. Believe me I’ve been there.
Were you work so hard but don't see the scale move. I use to be part of weight watchers it was great support for me. Then I got sick so I lost some more weight. But I gain some of it back. I love food, I think about it so much. I agree that I couldn’t just give up everything. It hard to think of giving up my favorites foods. I hope you reach your goal weight, you will feel so good that you were able to fight the battle of the bulge, as I would say it "you go girl". The best thing I would say is. Surrounding your self with positive people that what you to achiever. Most time we have friends or family that we eat with that have a weight problem too. Some may not understand why you need to lose it. But if there not on board leave them at the side of the road so to speak. Stay positive, don't let anyone get you done, remember you doing this for you not anyone else. Love you self, that so important. If you have any question you can ask, even though I have a weight problem I believe that you can lose the weight but not everyone feel good with them self after the weight is gone. I believe it start with you mind thinking you need to change your view of your self. Like I try to find positive thing about my self that have nothing to do with my weight. It very important. Write back, buy tell me if you lose any more weight thank.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 12:12am

This whole thread made me think of a short film I saw by Dove. Some of you have probably seen it on the web or tv. If you haven't, please look at it. The perception of beauty is in the eye of the beholder:

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf

By the way, my husband teaches graphic art. He can make all of us look like supermodels with photoshop!