Letting it click - especially for im_jan
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| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 11:22am |
I was reading Jan's post under the today show, and I had totally been where she was, where many of us are. And it being the start of a New Year - I want to offer happiness, and hope and encouragement.
for many many years, I just allowed myself to get fatter and fatter. Up to 314 lbs. I was slowly killing myself due to being completely unhappy in my life, which I didn't even know then. I was numb and just didn't care at all how morbidly obese I was getting. I looked at the number on the scale, and completely got depressed, and would think why even bother? It would take a ridiculously long time, I was terrified of giving up foods I loved. I still don't even know why the thought of giving up MacDonalds, Pizza, fudge, or w/e I felt like eating, terrified me, other than I think it was the only happiness that I received, the taste allowed me to feel instead of being numb.
I came here many times thru out the years, watching the wonderful women on this board, trying what they suggested, participating in games, till I just gave up and did other things and would quit coming here. And still got fatter and fatter. I couldn't participate in any of my son's life, cause I would get too tired, I hated to exercise - I used to joke that if I thought about exercising, I would take a nap until the insane notion past. ;) I looked in the mirror naked and watched my stomach start to flab down over the top of my thighs, and I would feel like throwing up, but instead, shrugged it off and would dress and get something to eat, just giving up on everything. I was a size 28/30 - and I was starting to even have problems finding clothes that fit in the plus size section at walmart.
Now for the happiness part :)
One night, I had coffee and tried the Splenda in it, and it tasted awesome :) I was thrilled and thought, not bad at all.. I went to bed, when I woke up, it clicked in my brain. I allowed it to click and stay there. I relaxed my shoulders and took a deep breath and thought, you know what? I'm NOT going to diet, I am going to eat what I want when I want, I am just going to do three things I know I can do for the rest of my life. That's it. Just three, and no matter what, with just those three things, I will feel better.
The three things I chose: Give up sugar one hundred percent (we have ALOT of diabetes in my family), increase my water, and walk. I'll be honest the walking didn't come for another 6 months later, it was still too hard to move my body. But I did give up the sugar and increased my water. I didn't even think about the weight loss, I was more encouraged and in wonderment what sugar had done to my body. By giving it up, my face got more color, immediately the swelling that I always took for fat went down, my period became regular for the first time since I ever even started having one. I didn't need as nearly as much sleep as I was getting. For weeks I just kept looking at my face in awe. then about 3 weeks after I started, I stepped on the scale. I had lost 15 pounds. Just by doing the two things.
I was so encouraged, that I didn't have to give up pizza or macd's to do this, I would still be able to have my comfort foods, if I needed it. After actually stepping on the scale, and seeing the simple progress, I was sooo encouraged that I decided to find something else to do for the rest of my life. I pretty much decided that I ate way too much pasta, and wouldn't eat it anymore than a few times a month. I decided instead of getting the large meal at MacD's I would just get the medium meal, or the kids meal even. And I started to lose more! Holy Crap, I said to myself, This is EASY! I just couldn't get over it. I took a business trip to Atlanta and for the first time in years, I didn't need a seat belt extender, When I landed and got to my room, I called my mom and told her about it and started crying, in not being embarrassed to ask for one. My only problem was my husband at the time - but that is a different story. We ended up seperating, he didn't realize how much he was sabotaging me, and he was a major reason for my unhappiness... but like I said, seperate story.
Around June, I had lost about 50 pounds and was stalled around the 260's. I was getting a little frustrated, but didn't know what else to do. But I was getting so much encouragement from friends and family, and I was feeling so amazing about myself, that I wanted to figure out a way to keep going. I went to a weight clinic in August and they put me on phentermine, and b12 shots, then I FINALLY picked up walking at lunch time. This was the perfect time for me to exercise, I was loving getting away from the office, I still had energy (I'm not a morning person, and exercising when I got home, didn't work cause I was too tired) I loved the walking, I would do it with my head up, and my stomach sucked in and I felt sexy. My confidence was starting to turn mens heads even though I was still obese.
Encouragement part time:
This is starting to get long, so I'm gonna stop here. But what I want you to get from this, is that IT CAN BE DONE. and it CAN BE DONE easily. You just need to LET IT CLICK! Never look at the big picture of where you need to go, until you are in control of your body again. Just relax and pick something you know you can do for the rest of your life :) I am sooo positive that this works, and I really and truly LOVE to lose with you.
PLEASE join me this New Year and lose with me :) It's a beautiful thing, we are beautiful people, let your fat suit that you think is comforting you and protecting you go away. Let the healthy you come out. LET IT CLICK!
*hugs to everyone of you beautiful women*
~ Kim
314/231/135
PS. as some of the seasoned posters on the board will tell you, I'm big into Splenda and Isometric exercise. And I'm dating again. :) and believe me some of these guys are HOT! I can't believe they think I am sexy. But they do, so I won't tell them they need glasses, lol.

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Thank you so much for your posts.
Brightest Blessings
~Dayle~
Kim
I think you're my new best friend! So many of the things you said REALLY helped me. First of all being "terrified" to give up some foods...that is SO true with me as well. Why is that?? It's not like they are going away, for heavens sake! Why do I feel compelled to eat junk just because it's there? And I too think a big part of my problem is just unhappiness. I had 13 years of a bad marriage with a husband who sabotaged any effort I made to change my life for the better.Thankfully, I'm rid of him now, but I just can't get past thinking that I don't deserve anything better. How sad is that???
And the other thing you said was your explaination about the ismoetric exercise. I had no idea about that. I have had a bad hip injury and wonder if isometric exercise could help me!? I'll have to do some research. Thanks so much! Everything you said was so encouraging and helpful!
M
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