I feel guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
I feel guilty
16
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:52am

On Monday I went to my doctor and he said I need to lose weight. He said every month he wants to weigh me and wants me to lose around 10lbs per month. Since he said this. I didn't seem to go well this week on eating. But I been drinking my water. I also have been walking as well but I been not eating really well this week. I don't know why, I'm stressed with finances and sometimes can't afford healthy foods. I'm huge emotion eater. Tonight I'm home alone and I ordered 1 large pizza to myself and ate 4 slices and garlic bread to myself. Oh well I can start again tomorrow and hopefully I can keep on track.

Rochelle
250/234

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:29pm

I just gotta say WoW, that was an insightful post. the whole facing the demons, does it panic you to think of the lifelong thing.....Just WoW!!


 

Angela

image

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 9:34am

Kim, I also wanted to thank you for your post. A lot of what you said explains the exact reason I am terrified to go to see a doc. (so I haven't in quite some time!) I have always felt that they act like you didn't notice you'd gotten overweight or had never tried to loose weight before. do they think we just like it this way? I have never met a doc who understood our struggles. You have also brought new insite to how I look at things and I just wanted to say thanks.

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 9:37am

Hi there Betsy I agree with you there. Kim diffently made me see things differently.

Rochelle
Ps: thanks Kim your the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 2:07pm

Hey ladies :)

I'm not saying anything that you guys don't already know. I'm just putting it in print ;) I've spent the last year re-evaluating my life, letting go of demons, analyzing myself and how I have reacted to different things in my life with food.

How food became my comfort, my companion, my celebrations - my everything. Once I faced the demons, I realized I was treating food as my best friend... Of course, I had the panic attacks when I thought of losing my best friend forever. Who would I turn to when I needed something? - and it didn't matter what that something was - I just needed it by my side. However, If my real best friend was holding a knife to my throat and slowly cutting deeper, then obviously, not a friend at all. My best friend was controlling me and trying to kill me, and "IT" was succeeding :(

The worst part is, that I would always have to have it in my life. Unlike an alcoholic, who gives up alcohol, they can completely eliminate it. We HAVE to have food.

So I very slowly started to take the control back (I felt like I was sneaking behind it's back, so it didn't know I was doing it) That is why I chose the three things in my life to change. "IT" didn't realize I was taking the control, because I would still go to MacDonalds and still get pizza. But once I had the control of these things, I could feel my self smirking inside at "IT" quietly saying "na-na-nahh-na-na". The control in the other aspects came later. Until now I consider the life style change and MY being in control of food and not "IT" in control of me.

"IT" and I have come to an understanding... "IT" knows I'm in control, and that there are a few things it will never get. (like sugar) However, I feed "IT" when I want to, not when "IT" wants to, I make the very conscious decision to have two slices of pizza or the medium meal at MacD's. "IT" feels relieved that I'm not going to totally ignore it, and is satisfied and stays quiet. If "IT" thought I was gonna ignore it, it would try to take control back, and the struggle would be harder.

I'm laughing at myself right now, Pesonifying my struggle with food by making it at an entity to fight - lol. Maybe I need therapy :-S But it's working for me ;) so I will just ignore that I might be a little crazy ;)

~ Kim
314/230/135

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 10:39pm

I'm similar to you I need to start taking control back and not let the food control anymore. Today so far I haven't comfort eat and I only ate when I'm hungry.

Rochelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 7:15am

Thanks Kim! And you are right. we all know it, but to see it in print, better yet to see someone potting it into action/succeeding at it, makes a big difference. I believe that "it" you are talking about still has control over me. I am fighting back though and will not give up this time. It is time I gave "it" a run for its money! and thinking of it from your angle sounds like a great way to win.

Thanks again!

Betsy
mom to:
Patrick 4-3-04
Andrew 12-27-96
Steven 1-28-94
and Aaron (dh) the biggest kid of them all!

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