So...I have an odd question.
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| Sat, 01-13-2007 - 7:29pm |
I figured that I'd ask you ladies because you're the closest thing that I've got to real friends. (That sounds much worse than it actually is :) )
Here's the situation:
My husband and I moved to the area where we are back in July. We are Christians and actively involved in church and that's kinda why we moved. (It's kinda complicated, and most people don't understand) Anywho...We started going to a church in the area WHICH WE LOVE!!!! In our Sunday School class (Young married people) we met a couple named Steph and Jon. They had recently gotten married and joined the church and didn't know very many people.
We started talking after Sunday School one Sunday morning and she mentioned that she was thinking about joining the choir and I said that I was too. So we decided to join together. To make a long story short we started spending a lot of time together. Steph and I had a lot in common, Mark (DH) and Jon had a lot in common and our kids loved them and they loved our kids. (They don't have any of their own yet.)
Sooner or later things started unraveling. I discovered that some of the things that she had shared with me were not true, they were actually far from it! There were a lot of stories of a broken and abusive childhood, and of some pretty rough high school relationships, and of an "online stalker" who used to be her (Steph's) friend until Steph and Jon got engaged.
Well, come to find out this "stalker" was just a woman that Steph had met online and they became friends (They were really close friends for like 6 years). All the things that Steph told this woman, Annie, were untrue as well (She said that she had cancer, and diabetes, and that she sang on the "praise team" at her church, as well as a lot of stuff about her appearance) The pictures that Steph sent to Annie were of another woman. The person that Annie watched sing solos at church (the church is LARGE and has a web cast) were all this other woman, and the other woman had NO CLUE that this was going on!!!!
So, naturally when Annie found out she contacted one of the staff members at the church so that necessary actions could be taken. The police got involved, but were not able to make a case, because Steph didn't take this other woman's name it wasn't technically "identity theft."
SOOOOO...back to me. When I found out all of the above info I was FLOORED!!!! Steph and I don't talk anymore, and she has ordered her husband to not talk to mine. The problem that I'm having is that she NEVER said "I'm sorry." And she and her mother (Who is INSANELY involved in Steph's life) maintain that Steph was the victim.
The question that I have is HOW DO I GET OVER THIS??? It's really hard for me to go to church, and sit in Sunday School across from her and listen to all the profound things that she has to say knowing what I know. Does that make any sense???
I don't want to go around to everyone that I come in contact with and tell them this long drawn out story because I don't want it to seem that I am just wanting to gossip. BUT I DO want to protect people from this happening to them. Steph is STILL lying and eventually someone else is going to get hurt.
Sorry to go ON AND ON...but this is a MAJOR STRUGGLE for me right now....and it actually does tie in with my weight struggle. Because I'm an emotional eater, and everytime I think of this situation it just HURTS...and then makes me ANGRY...so I eat.
I just want some advise :) Please :)
Thanks
(Sorry if I'm too crazy :) )








I agree with Wendie here and I'm sorry this women put you through so much pain. I don't have any extra advice to give.
Hugs Rochelle
I too agree with Wendy. You will most likely never get your "sorry" and the best way to move on is to release some of the anger and dissapointment you have in regards to this relationship and move forward. Easy for me to say since I am not involved I know...Sorry. (I don't think I could do it either) so Just let me say I wish you peace and strength. I'm sure it is increasingly difficult if your move had to do with the church that you now share with her. Guess I wasn't much help, was I? I should have just stopped with "I agree with Wendy" lol.
Betsy
(((Kim))), What an upsetting result of what you thought to be a developing friendship! I think you can find solace in your strong belief, and often it's complex situations like this that both test and affirm one's faith. Forgiving is hard, but it's all around us. Forgive 7 times 70, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and not an eye for an eye but turn the other cheek. When I have problems with forgiveness, I try to open myself up in prayer to "listening" mode vs. asking or telling mode. It really helps clear some of the bile that has built up. Forgiveness from you and being able to offer an apology is only a small fraction of this woman's problems. I would pray (and will join you in praying) that she gets the help she needs for what is clearly mental illness. Maybe you can seek help from the staff person or your priest or minister for help in how to deal with her on a regular basis.
Hang in there, Kim. I think you are living up to your screen name by being so intereested and concerned about handling this well. Don't compromise yourself or your values because you were wronged. all the best, Annie
I haven't read the replies yet because I wanted to reply before I get sidetracked (busy day at the office). So bare with me if I'm posting something already stated LOL
My first impression when I read this is that this woman needs serious help. I mean she's someone to feel sorry for. I can't imagine a person who is
Angela
Thank you ladies SOOOOO much for even listening. I guess what I really needed was to vent. I feel like I can't do that here (where I live, it's a small town and everyone knows everyone else). Thanks for all your advise. I have an appointment to speak with our pastor this week and I just need to tell him exactly what happened and how I feel. I don't want to cause problems, but I don't want this to happen to our church.
It's just hard...ya know....
I feel like it's me against her and that's just stupid!!!
Anywho...I appreciate any thoughts and prayers about the situation :)
Thanks again SOOOO much!!!
,br>