I want to strangle my Mother!!!

Avatar for elerav
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I want to strangle my Mother!!!
10
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 9:57am

First, let me give you some background on my family. My DF's family is Scandinavian and all very tall and skinny. My DM's family is not. My 3 sisters all got the Scandinavian features and are tall, skinny etc. I however take after my Mother's side of the family who are average height and heavy. I have struggled with my weight all my life and my Mother has always said incrediably stupid things when it comes to me (or anyone else for that matter) being overweight. Otherwise she is a very caring and considerate person, I don't know why she turns into an idiot when it comes to weight issues. I assume it is rooted in her own struggles/fears etc of being overweight.......but still, I don't have any patience for idiotic comments, for example just out of the blue one day she says "I saw a really fat woman at the mall, she was bigger than you!" ..........yeah and her point is?!?!?!?!

But I digress...........this is what happened this time:

I proudly announced Saturday morning that I had lost 17lbs. My Mother says to me "What?!?!? After that huge meal you had last night?!?!?" Now this is what I had for dinner: a green salad, a boneless/skinless chicken breast, rice and green beans. I had a soda water with lemon to drink. Hardly a huge meal!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Thanks for letting me vent!

Eleasa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 10:11am

Hi Eleasa,

Bravo on your restraint! Both for venting here instead of committing matricide, and for that healthy, delicious-sounding dinner. And, BIG WOOHOO!!! 17 pounds is AWESOME!!!!!!!

(BTW, strangling's probably not worth the effort. Can't burn more than, oh, 50 calories or so, even if she really struggles...)

Misha

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 11:00am

Eleasa,
Oh, mothers - As a single woman, I can't empathise with the 'husband' issues, but for the 'mother' issues, I am right there!

Even though I'm 51, my mother can still say things that just destroy me - and she has no idea how much she hurts me. When she says 'Is that what you're going to wear?' I hear 'You look awful in that' When I reach for seconds, I feel like she's thinking 'No wonder she's so fat'. My mother weighs - 106 pounds - so she has no idea what it is like to struggle with food...and she too will make remarks about people who are heavy.

It's sad, because even when she is trying to be supportive, and says nice things about me losing weight, I feel the criticism that I gained it in the first place - my response to her is frequently 'I was a good person even when I was fat'

Of course I love my mother very much and she is actually quite elderly and I know she will never change. I have occasionally told her that what she said hurt me, but usually it is not worth it to me to upset her.

I have been fortunate that at my gym, the trainers are incredibly supportive and praise me for the hard work I am doing - and I am able to hold on to their 'expert' opinion and ignore my mother, the amateur's, tough words at least some of the time. I am trying to hear the gym guys voice in my head and talk to myself kindly as they do, and it does help.

Good job for your efforts so far, and best wishes on your journey!

SJ
225-169-135

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 11:02am

Misha,
You crack me up....is there a website - caloriespercrime.com?

Just wondering!

SJ
225-169-135

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 2:18am
Wow, I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself . . . I'm impressed!

Brightest Blessings


~Dayle~




Brightest Blessings

~Dayle~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 8:09am

You should be proud of yourself! for both the 17lbs and the restraint of not killing her. Some people are just missing that link that connects their brain to the words they let fall out of their mouth. Keep up the good work and don't let her words get you down. or start working on a good comment for the next time she says something about your weight. I can never think of something great to say till after the fact. so if you have something ready maybe she will get the hint.

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:26am

I got my own vent all typed up yeserday before I got disconnected from the internet. I guess it wasn't meant to be LOL


What I can say is that I totally understand what you're going through. I pass through similar situations often. I don't tell anyone that I'm trying to lose weight anymore and when strange comments like this occur, I just ignore them.


Congratulations on losing the 17 lbs!! That's plenty of hard work and we can all tastify to that :) Keep going, and remember you're doing this for YOU

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 12:13pm
Eleasa--WOW, can I ever sympathize. The only difference is that my mother was big until she had baratric surgery going on three years ago. I have nothing against these surgeries, I think they are an awesome help for people, but she had the surgery and didn't change anything, she can still eat whatever she wants, just in smaller portions and she doesn't excercise. So the effort I am putting in means nothing to her. In fact my parents still have yet to mention my 40+ lb weight loss. My mom gets mad when I tell my kids they can't have candy and snacks at her house because they don't need the sugar. I am trying to teach them to be healthy, she thinks that I am being mean and kids shouldn't worry about that and should eat and enjoy themselves. Ahem, why do you think I am the way that I am????? But she is one of those moms that is just not worth it to argue, or stand up for myself. I try to let it roll off and then complain to my dh and dad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 12:21pm
Family, friends, & strangers can be totally oblvious sometimes. I am sorry your mom frustrated you.

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Angela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 1:03pm
Angela--Thanks!! I am begining to think though that my parents just aren't saying anything for whatever reason. THere is not one person in my life now who has not noticed. I can't imagine what their reasoning is behind not saying anything, maybe some sort of pay back for my distance when my mom had her surgery, I don't know. I did see a friend this weekend who I hadn't seen in 6 months or so and she was ecstatic about my weight loss and it felt really good. Very motivational.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 4:26pm
Yea it does suck that the ones we care about most are the least likely to notice changes.....I lost 20 lbs once and my own dh didn't notice. He said it was because he saw me everyday so it didn't happen all at once so it wasn't easy to notice, so I don't know what to say there.

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Angela

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