I thought I had support from my family!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
I thought I had support from my family!
7
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 12:34pm

Hello Everyone:

Well,I guess I spoke too soon because I thought I had support from my family to lose weight,and I guess I was wrong! Last night,my DH told me that I was,"Overreacting,"about wanting to lose weight and do you know what really made me sad? It was when my DH told me,"This is probably just a phase that you are going through,you won't be able to stick to this weight loss program for the rest of your life," huh? To say that I am brokenhearted is putting it mildly,I am so sad! Why doesn't my family support me and support a lifestyle that would be better for all of us? I was so proud of myself yesterday because I am on an 1800 calorie diet and I stuck to the diet to a T,and I never cheated once,even though I was tempted too several times during the day. I measured my portions,counted my calories,and I even took and extra long walk yesterday too!

Why does a family feel threatened when you want to lose weight and have a healthier lifestyle for yourself? I just feel so hurt and sad because I thought that I could count on my family to cheer me on,and encourage me to want to lose weight,and now they act like I am an alien from another planet because I prefer to eat fruits and vegetables over junk food. I am just so confused and I was wondering how all of you have dealt with this when you are on a weight loss plan,and your family doesn't support your weight loss goals?? My DH is also overweight and the reason I am going on a weight loss plan and exercise plan,is so that I don't die from a sudden heart attack,or develop diabetes. Please share any tips,thoughts,or suggestions on how you deal with people in your life who don't support your weight loss goals?? Snuggle_Bunnie 99 a.k.a. Tamara *Sighs with frustration* :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 12:56pm
Tamara-I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. My husband is supportive as far as word but he doesn't join me in excercise or my healthy eating and that is hard. I know that he is happy that I am losing weight but I feel very alone in all this. That is why this place is so nice because people here really are where you are and know what you are feeling and going through. My husband is alot bigger now than what he was when we got married but he is still considered a "normal" size, a healthy size. He really has no understanding of what it is like to be big. You need to let all those things that your husband said be fuel to push you forward, prove to him that you can be healthy for life and you can stick to this plan because your health is your priority. Don't let him get you down and make you quit. You can do it!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:23pm
Just sending you ((((hugs))))

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Angela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 3:10pm

Hi Tamara,

I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you wanted or expected from your family. That makes it even tougher to keep going. BUT, please do keep going! Perhaps when you've been soldiering on for a while, they'll not only accept your resolve to reach your goal, but start actively supporting you. Humans are skeptical of change, even good change, so maybe you need to give them a chance to catch up with you.

Strangely, I went through the same thing... but with my DOCTOR, not my family. She was very unwilling to discuss my weight, let alone help, until I started losing on my own and then she was so excited, you'd have thought it was her idea in the first place.

Not exactly the same, I know, but if you just "do what you need to do" they may fall in line sooner than you think. Meanwhile, you have us!

Misha

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:04pm

Big ((hugs)) Tamara!! This is part of the reason I always go it alone, and why I came to this board. I don't feel like I can get any support at home. My dh also needs to loose weight, but hates any thing "diet" If he accidentally grabs my fat free dressing or a no sugar added fudge cycle, he will literally ask me, "what are you doing, trying to kill me?" If he only knew it was quite the opposite!! So for the most part, I don't even mention when I start a new weight loss plan. He will eventually notice, that I am eating different and still won't mention it. I figure this time with the support I have found here and with an email weight loss buddy, It will make the difference that sticks and I will win the battle this time around and change my ways. He benefits from the differences in the way I have been cooking, and since I have been making his lunches again. (he had started eating fast food for lunch like 3xs a week.)

I think families feel a little threatened because if you are anything like me your attention has always been on them, not yourself. So If we start taking better care of ourselves and taking time for ourselves, they feel a little worried. can they keep up? Maybe your/and my dh are worried about you/me actually loosing weight because then they will be the overweight one in the picture.

??I don't know, But I feel your pain. you have come to the right place. There is support here. Take some, give some and you will succeed!! we are proud of you!

Betsy
251/234/150
*would LOVE to reach 200 by July, 28. (my Birthday)

Avatar for saej72
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 7:27pm

"I think families feel a little threatened because if you are anything like me your attention has always been on them, not yourself. So If we start taking better care of ourselves and taking time for ourselves, they feel a little worried "

I totally agree.. most familys are so used to the "mother" taking care of the children or DH first instead of themselves..

plus IMO many husbands may try to sabotage our diets because subconsciously they feel that if we get thin & sexy we might stray...

Sara
342/267/200

Sara  

342-300-200

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-1999
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 8:55pm

Offering you a big hug of support! And good for you for sticking to your eating plan yesterday...that's a huge accomplishment when you're just starting out.

I'm stumped as to why your family doesn't support you, but maybe once they see how committed you are to this, they won't be so suspicious. Just don't quit! Keep coming here for support and an outlet for venting.

Dion

 

 

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:52am

Tamara, I am so sorry you're passing through this.


I don't tell anyone at home that I"m dieting anymore, but not because of lack of support, but rather because I"m tired of people eyeing what I'm doing. I love the support I get here and for me it's enough to motivate me to go forward.


One thought came to my mind: maybe he's threatened that once you're eating healthy, he'll be pressured to follow your lead and change himself, and that's something he doesn't want to do. It's more comfortable for everyone if things remain the same. He may even be doing this unconsciously. Just a thought to consider.


Don't let his lack of support influence your determination. You're doing a fantastic job and you keep doing it!

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