Never....
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| Fri, 03-16-2007 - 4:43pm |
When Mary asked the question this week about what we'd do when we reach goal weight, I realized that I think I will never reach...which was kind of a shock.
I haven't weighed 135 since I was in my early 30's - almost 20 years ago. But at that weight I was a size 10-12, and that seems to me like the size I 'should' be, and the BMI indicators seem to think that is the 'right weight for my height (almost 5'4").
It isn't that I am discouraged by this realization, because my actul goal starting out was to change my life, and I've done that. People who meet me now meet the person who goes to the gym and eats on a plan - they don't know the woman who lived on candy and chips, who went home every night and read in bed while watching TV. I like (love) myself more now and have much more confidence. I feel like a nicer person and I am much happier.
But I seem to have lost the sense of what I'm working towards. It's like I no longer know what is possible - at my age, what is my body capable of? If I stay at this level of committment, will I maintain? Or keep losing? Or will the weight creep back? And if I'm not losing, can I stay motivated to work this hard? This week, work has been a challenge, and the time for the gym has been hard to find. I've done it, but it was hard to make myself. If I'm not making 'progress', will I still make that sacrifice? And focusing on the food this month has made me aware of how much I eat (and not everything makes it to the log because sometimes I eat late at night and I don't go back and edit-like if I don't write it it didn't happen) And can I make the changes that I need to with food to move the weight down? And do I really want to?
I've scheduled a session with my trainer on Sunday to try to work through this - to figure out what my goals actually are and re-do my plan to meet them. I'm hoping that saying this to all of you and then to him will help me figure out what I really want and what I'm willing to do to get it (another of Mary's questions for the week that I didn't have an answer for)
Thanks for listening.
SJ
225-171-135?

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SJ
A most insightful post. Goals are interesting things and I don't mean weight loss goals, but all goals. I wanted to be CIO by the time I was 40. I'm 42 and have only reached director status. Do I work any less hard? Do I stop learning? Do I change careers? No. I learned through the years that I like what I do .. just because I like to do it. I learn something new nearly every day ... sometimes it's technology and mostly it's about people ... especially me. I guess my point is that's it about the journey ... not the destination.
Not sure if I'm hearing a little burn out from exercise or it's really a little bit about (or a lot) the work stress and how you'd just like to not work so hard. The easy thing is to not workout and hope that helps, but I know I always feel better if I keep moving. And I've had my share of stress the last two weeks. It's okay to slack a little on those stress weeks, forgive ... keep the habit but maybe baby yourself a little. I'm glad you are keeping at it. Maybe some new variety would help. It's starting to be warm ... maybe some rowing over in Cambridge?
I'm off on vacation starting tomorrow. I hope your week is awesome next week!
Colleen
Colleen,
Thanks for your response - more for me to think about. We both work in IT so I know you understand how insane it can be, and how hard to leave it at the office.
Have a fabulous time on the cruise - I'm looking forward to hearing about the fitness facilities on the ship, the fun times you have with your kids(I think you said snorkeling or scuba diving?), and of course - the food!
SJ
225-171-135
Your post sounded like something I could have written if I were honest with myself.
You know SJ, I think part of the problem we face is that we want our goals to be quantitative. Doesn't our whole society measure "health" goals with numbers like weight and BMI and pants size? When you were 225, did you REALLY think you'd lose and keep off 50 pounds? This is a goal that you've surpassed! I'm hoping Sue responds to your post. I remember seeing her starting/goal/current weight post for the first time and I thought: That's got to be a mistake. She's something like 30 pounds below her original goal. Unbelievably inspiring! I think that we are all far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. You've done phenomenally well! We HR weinies have a saying when we're hiring for a position: Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Look at your track record. That's the best evidence of all that you'll be able to do this!
Hang in there sweetie!
Annie
Annie,
When I started, I actually had no hope at all. I decided I would join the gym, go three times a week for the twelve weeks of summer(they have an outdoor and indoor pool, and I do like to swim). Then when I'd proved to myself that I couldn't change, I was going to accept that I was destined to be fat and stop fighting my destiny...but it didn't work out that way.
This is why I am such an advocate of exercise, of personal trainers, and of mine in particular. I don't actually 'know' my starting weight. When I filled out the questionaire at my first training session (I got two with my membership), he noticed I'd left that answer blank and I said 'Once I weighed 200, I stopped weighing' and he said 'This isn't about what you weigh - its about changing your life' And it has been, one little change at a time. He has been a large part of the motivation, the knowledge, and the committment. After 12 weeks, I knew my body was changing so I started to weigh, and I estimate my starting weight based on that.
The exercise led to better eating, and as I got stronger I could work out harder and its been a great cycle for me.
The 'number' is a way for me to measure progress - not the only one, not even the best one for me. The endurance I have on cardio equipment, the weight I can lift, the time I spend in the gym - all are measures, and right now, they all feel 'stuck'.
I am gearing myself up for the next big push I think - like I've rested at this level and I need to figure out what is possible for me and then work for it.
But yeah, I am amazed that I lost 50 pounds, amazed that I have changed this much, and amazed that I have found all of you who I can discuss all this with so openly.
SJ
225-171-135
Staci,
I'm so glad you've rejoined us because I very much enjoy reading your journal and seeing how you organize your efforts.
Part of the benefit I get from the board is kind of a 'negative' one - I see how easy it is for even the most dedicated people to get derailed by what happens in their lives. To keep this journey at the top of the priority list is so difficult, and the results seem to slip away so easily if you lose focus for even a short time.
Those of you who are younger may have to travel this path a lot more times - again to Mary's questions this week about 'first' diets, we all seem to have a long history of body dissatisfaction. I gained a lot of weight my senior year in high school, and actually lost it when I went to college, and this most recent journey is one of many I've made over the years. It's been much harder this time in that I know it has to be 'forever' changes if I want it to last (not like when I was 30 and thought once I got to my goal, I could stop trying)
But its also been easier because I've gotten to the point in life where I can focus on me and what I want, not having to please everyone else so much.
I love that we have this place to share our experiences and I'm pleased if mine help others as theirs help me.
SJ
225-171-135
SJ, I understand how you feel, I wonder if I will ever lose weight let alone get to my goal idea weight of 165! For me I just want to focus on getting healthy this time around. I would love to get down to a 10-12 in size but would be happy with a 14!! I would love to be able to walk a flight of stairs without puffing on an inhaler more though. I admire the way you walk everywhere, and you are so very active. I would love to be like that again. The weight wouldn't bother me near as badly IF I could just do the things I enjoy so very much.
I am so sorry you are in this funk, and I do hope you pull out of it. I don't know that you will ever get to your goal weight, but even if you don't, then know that you have made tremendous progress and you have become healthier for it. Isn't that most important?? I know you keep me bolstered to keep on trying and I hope that I can do the same for you.
Angela
Hi SJ,
I think you might want to look at things a little differently as you're re-evaluating your goals and lifestyle. First of all, you might want to get a body composition test done. Your trainer or your doctor could point you in the right direction. Basically, this is a test where they "pinch" you in 4 different areas (calves, triceps, back between the shoulder blades, and abdomen) and then figure out what your lean mass and your fat % is on your body. I know it sounds dreadful, but it really helps. For instance, I just did one and I found out that I have over 140 pounds of lean body mass - so if I were to be at my goal weight right now (which is 150 for now) then I would have less than 5% body fat...and that's ridiculously and dangerously low. Most women will range in the 90-130lbs of lean mass and should have about 30% fat. EVERYONE'S body is different and no two people will be the same. So to use the 'mass average' charts like BMI and Average Weights for heights is incredibly misleading.
The real questions to ask yourself are: How do I feel? Would I consider myself a healthy, active person? Is the extra weight that I'm carrying around now preventing me from living a fuller life? Is it causing health problems? Those kinds of questions. When you have the answers to them, and know what a 'healthy weight' is for YOU...then you'll know where to set your goals.
Good luck!
Kelly
Thanks Angela.
I think you will reach your goal weight because I see that you work to make good things happen for yourself and your family. It could not have been easy to have Tiffany when you were so young but you made that work. And you found Hoyt and make a marriage work (which I thnk is an incredible acheivement), And your working towards your degree. And you're going to work every day at a job that doesn't challenge you because you know that it is a step to something better. And every time you get run over trying to stay on track on this journey, you pull yourself back up - so I'm pretty sure you'll get there.
I have a pretty excellent life - I'm just trying to make it even better to make sure I'm working towards what I really want (and to figure out what the heck that is!)
SJ
225-171-135
Thanks Kelly. A body composition test is a great idea, and I'll look into it.
I know I have fat left to lose just by looking - my hips and belly are definitely needing work - but my arms and legs are pretty muscular, so it would be interesting to know the percent of muscle to fat...
SJ
225-171-135
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