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Need some support
| Sat, 03-17-2007 - 6:57pm |
Hello all. It has been a while since I have been able to write. I started this journey of losing weight and getting healthy in January. A friend of mine started with me about the same time. We decided to join Weight Watchers and so far so good with it. We also decided to start going to our local YMCA. Since the very begining I have tried not to be competitive with my friend but it has not helped. She weighs less than I do and has less to lose so for the very begining I felt behind. I started at 309.4 and as of this past tuesday I weigh 291.8. I am happy with my progress but hate it when I see how long it is taking me to take it off. I know it won't happen over night( no matter how much I wish it would) but I mean it is taking a long time. I was hoping to be furthur along by now. I push myself at the gym and am eating all the right things within portion. My friend has already lost something like 25 pounds and I envy her. She tells me that I need to try harder but honestly I don't think I can. I have had two set backs so far. One week I gained .2 which didn't really bother me but last week I gained 2 pounds. I know why but I still feel behind. I am trying to balance going to school full time and studying, being a full time mom, a wife, a homemaker, and going to the gym. I also need to start looking for a part time job. I don't know how to do everything without foregoing sleep. I am feeling very discouraged at this point. I do see the good things but I feel worse when I see my friend's success. I don't want to be a bad friend and I am truelu happy for her. I only wish I would progress as well as she is. If anyone has any tips on how to keep motivated and how to support my friend without feeling bad myself I would appreciate them. I wish everyone success in their journey and I will share two quotes that I try to remember when I need a boost. 1. There are no new foods out there. and 2. Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. Thanks for listening.
~Tammy~
~Tammy~

Tammy,
First, congratualtions on staying on this journey for two plus months. It is very hard to stay focused and committed in the face of daiy life.
Second, you are right-this isn't a competition - we are all working towards the goal of living a healthier life - but we are all different. Age, starting weight, metabolism, and who knows what else all make us have different experiences. Some people lose a lot in the first weeks, then slow/stall...some, like you, lose a little at a time. It's kind of like in school - some people are good at math, some at English, some at recess...but most of us manage to make it through and find our place in the world.
There are no 'winners' in our journey - and you only 'lose' if you stop traveling the path to better health. Only you know if you are giving this your best effort- the best effort you can and still meet your other committments. If you can look in the mirror every day and say 'I did my best', then the scale will take care of itself.
If your friend is telling you 'you aren't trying hard enough', maybe you should stop asking for her opinion unless you think she knows you better than you know yourself. Sometimes, the most important thing is being a good friend to yourself.
You have a lot on your plate, but taking care of yourself will only make everything else easier...
Best wishes on your journey.
SJ
225-171-135
Tammy, we all have set backs but at least you weigh less now than in the beginning. You do have a lot on your plate and I am one who completely understand that as I am a full time student, employee, mom, and wife. It is a hectic and crazy life. Forego sleep, well I learned a LONG time ago to not do that as it will likely land you in the hospital or kill you. It almost killed me as I passed out behind the wheel of the car while driving. I got lucky, I was at a stop sign and felt it coming on and put the car in drive before I lost conciousness. Now if nothing else I will take time for sleep. Maybe not ever relaxed but sleep nonetheless.
My point is this is not going to be easy, and it is a lot to deal with with everything else, BUT you are doing this for you. Don't be discouraged by your friend. Maybe you are gaining more muscle than she is and that will help too. Have you measured?? My scales don't move but I am losing inches so measuring has kept me going so far this year. I have had a bad couple of weeks with food and such cuz I have been stressed BUT I am not giving up. I refuse to regain inches. We can do this and we are behind you 100%!!!
Angela
Tammy, I am very sorry you're feeling frustrated. But you've been on your program for 2+ months and you've lost a total of 18 pounds. If I were you I would be exhilirated (I lose weight VERY slowly).
With weight loss, everybody is different. As already mentioned in previous posts, some people lose quickly at first (water weight mostly), then slow down. And other people lose slowly and consistently. Whatever the case is, you're losing weight. You're 18lbs lighter than you were last year.. You've lost more than 5% of your total body weight. You are on the right track girl, you shouldn't feel frustrated at all.
Welcome to the board, please update us
Tammy, welcome!
I feel your pain. the whole friend situation is part of the reason I am here on the boards as, this time I chose to go it alone, and needed the support I wasn't getting here! My last major attempt was a joint attempt with 2 other friends. (We are actually cousins) we decided to go all Atkins. We weighed in, measured and exercised together. Parts of it were great. I don't think I would have gone to the gym solo. and it was nice to have someone to talk to about eating/recipes and the weight loss or the troubles. But I did find that it ended up being competitive. And maybe it was my insecurities and myself making the comparisons. but it just felt like I couldn't match up. When my younger cousin wouldn't show up, the other one would talk behind her back about how she wasn't trying, of giving it much effort. she didn't think she cared enough....etc. It made me start to wonder what she was saying behind my back. I was the heaviest one and have always been heavy. She had gained weight with her pregnancy and held onto it, but had always been super thin when she was younger. I know we weren't going to loose weight the same, but it always made me feel discouraged. Then I got real sick and was really struggling. I thought it was this new way of eating, but soon found out I was pregnant. ;-) This "friend" Made it feel like I had failed. Not only was I not going to be able to continue the diet with her. But I was in fact going to be getting bigger instead of smaller.
We still exercised all through my pregnancy. But it felt better to be doing it for "me", well for the baby. Instead of to keep up with her. And I still got the feeling that she felt like I bailed on her.
With all the busyness that follows a new baby I gradually fell off the wagon and went back to my old ways. she continued on and lost a lot of weight and looks great. When I decided I needed to take back control. I knew I had to do it for me. (and my family) but mostly I have to do this for me! I still make comparisons, and get frustrated, but over all I am proud of how far I have come. And you should be too!! I know we all loose weight differently and at different speeds, but I know how that can go out the door, when you are putting progress side by side.
Keep up the good work! You have made progress so don't loose sight of that. Angela made a good point. Make sure to take some measurements. Sometimes when we are not loosing, or loosing very slowly. we can still be loosing inches, as our weight shifts and turns to muscle.
Hope to see you around the board. Good luck!
Betsy (251/227/150)
mom to:
patrick 4-3-04
Andrew 12-27-96
Steven 1-28-94
and Aaron (dh) the biggest kid of them all!
Tammy!
I was glad to see your screen name again! I've missed your insights around here. Welcome back!
About 10 years ago I joined WW with one of my best friends and ran into some similar rough spots. She was a few pounds heavier (same height) than me when we started so she was allowed more "points" for a while. Anyway, I stuck to the program religiously! I exercised, drank water, did strength training, and stayed to the low end of my points. My friend was iffy on her water, exercised a couple days a week, and exceeded her points almost every day. When weigh in time would come around I would either maintain or lose less than a pound. My friend routinely dropped 2 - 3 pounds!!!! I tried so hard not to compare, but what the %&*#!!!! LOL She started out weighing more than me and in less than a month weighed less than I did. I began eating below my point range because I was so envious. She dropped to the lower points range, and while she still ate above the upper limit she was eating less and kept losing! I on the other hand got swamped with work and travel making it harder to exercise. I stopped losing completely. I quit going to WW primarily because of my schedule but disappointed that I had lost only 17 pounds in more than five months. (My friend dropped nearly 50!)
So fast forward to now! We're both 44 and again around the same weight. What I've learned and accepted is how very different we are no matter what the stats say! On a big eating day I still eat about 1/2 of what she does and move twice as much. She is a diabetic with chronic back problems, and has had other health problesm. I'm otherwise healthy! My point is that the competitiveness I felt was worthless! Is she the lucky one because she can lose faster when she puts her mind to it, or am I the lucky one because despite my elevated weight I've been healthy?
One contradiction that I experienced with WW is that they advise people that 1 - 2 pounds lost per week is the healthy way to lose and that losing faster isn't recommended. But the meetings sure focus on the really big losers! If you can, keep focus on your individual success and the joint benefit you are both getting by sticking with it together. Your body might not be capable of losing at the rate your friend is. I really wish my friend and I had stuck it out and made a permanent commitment ten years ago!
All the best,
Annie