catch 22...Compliments?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
catch 22...Compliments?
4
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:45am

Will I ever get to the point where I can take a compliment? First I wonder when people will notice the changes in me. Then I wonder why they aren't. Then my dh says something meant as a compliment (during an intimate moment of all times)and I get all insecure about why he said it? what did he think about me before...?? WHY do I do this!!!

It is just frustrating. I really hope as I work through this weight loss journey that I can get a handle on some of my body image issues.

I don't know who said it or were I saw it but I read somewhere ..People were kind enough to not say anything as the pounds crept up and I got bigger, I will happily forgive them if they don't say anything now that I have lost some of it. it has really stuck with me.

Just a little set back. Thanks for letting me vent.

Betsy
251/225/150

Avatar for saej72
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 10:18am

i know the feeling about being "complimented" during an intimate moment. kinda kills the moment, if you know what I mean. IMO, at least for my DH, he knows every inch of my body, so tends to notice things more when the clothes are off.

try not to let it upset you i'm sure he wasn't trying to be mean or anything like that.

as for others making compliments.. maybe they just don't know how to say it in a "politically correct" way so they don't say it at all. and sometimes when you are around a person every day they don't tend to notice the changes because they are gradual.

example: nobody at work has mentioned my weightloss, until after i got back from my 1 month medical leave in february, now many are asking "how much weight did you lose while you were sick".... i feel like hitting them in the head with a brick cause I lost most of the weight before I had my gall bladder surgery.

Sara
342 -- 261.2 -- 200
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/samanthagrace/

Sara  

342-300-200

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 8:01pm

Betsy,

I know what you mean about compliments. I'm more forgiving with DH though. He knows better than anyone when I've been on plan, and he knows that I don't go fishing for compliments. If he says something complimentary, I believe him. Other people though can drive me nuts! I hate more than anything when someone says, "Oh you've lost weight." and immediately afterwards they grill you on how much you've lost and evem ask about your top weight and your current weight. I would NEVER ask someone any of those questions! How hard is it to say: You look great! I can really see you've made big changes! or Great job!

Annie

A
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:48pm

Betsy,
I too know what you mean. I feel like I was the same person no matter what I weighed, and I have even said to people close to me 'I was a good person when I was fat too'.

The guys at my gym praise me for the effort I make, how hard I work, and say things like 'The results show'. I like that kind of compliment because it recognizes what I have had to do to make this happen. I feel like they understand what I am trying to do and value the effort as much as the result.

I try to hear that in what other people say, even if they don't use those words. In fact, my favorite thing anyone has said was a woman I used to work with frequently, but hadn't seen for a while. We were at a meeting together, and she asked me to stay afterwards wo she could ask me something. Her question was 'What heppened to the rest of you?' I could tell she was genuinely happy for me and maybe a little curoius/envious of how I did this, so I was happy to share some details. But I don't usually say how much weightI've lost, only that I've been doing it for a while and have a ways to go.

Of course, a simple 'thank you for noticing' can be a good response too.

Best wishes
SJ
225-170-135

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:44pm

I know what you are talking about it. I've lost 109 pounds now. Honestly, people couldn't see much of a change until about the first 40. When I hite 50, they really noticed and then 75 I got tons of compliments. So, don't worry. More compliments will come. Another factor: I know it's horrible, but it's a harsh reality....it seems that people don't say much cuz they think we'll just put it back on anyway.

After I lost 75 pounds in 4 months on my plan, I took a few month break. Maintence period ordered by my Dr. During that time I lost an additional 28 pounds in 3 months. And that was on BREAK! But people had the nerve to watch everything I put in my mouth. If I had 1/2 a bagel with cream cheese you'd think I just had a full blown binge. It actually caused me to go home at night pig right out just to be able to eat what I want, when I want and how much of it a damn well want. BAD idea. That's the crap that got me fat in the first place. I hate food cops. Finally, when I had a small piece of b-day cake and ice cream along with the entire rest of the office who had huge pieces...one the guys goes, "Dani, don't go and gain all your weight back!". I got PISSED! I said, "You know what? I lost 75 pounds in 4 months. I've lost an additional 20+ pounds since I've been on MAINTENENCE. Your belly doesn't seem to be getting any smaller, you just worry about your DAMN self. I'm the one shrinking around here, I think I know what I can and can't eat. It's you that seems to have a problem with what I eat, so just chill the f**k out" Oh, mind you, that was my boss. But he's laid off 75%.

So, here's the deal: We all have that kinda crap to deal with. And we can NOT let it sabotage us. We'll be the ones prancing around thin and trim and feeling very accomplished and if it makes them feel too bad about themselves to compliment us, who cares? Honestly, I don't want anymore reminders that I was 100 pounds heavier than I am now. So, the less people mention it, the more delusional I can be. LOL

Anyway, not that the way I handled it was great, but it worked for me.

Oh, may ask what your hubby said?