what happens now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
what happens now
9
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:04pm
well I like to walk a couple times a week. i noticed that people are saying as i walk by particulary men saying "boy she's fat" or call me a fat A___ B___ which happens a lot . I live in philly. I even was in a in drug store once with my shirt 1/2 inch showing belly fat a woman walkewd right up to me and pulled my shirt down. i was very angry cause why a little belly skin can't show when MANY skinny women show much moree. and why do females get called mean names but a 400 lb guy is ok by standards.,... this is wrong!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
In reply to: mc52877
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 7:44pm


I'm so sorry you had that experience. Similar things have happened to me many times. I came to realize over time, however, that those hurtful comments said much more about them than about me. I now believe anyone trying to improve themselves should be given the utmost respect for having the courage to break out of their "comfort circle." We all have issues to deal with, even if they can't be seen on the surface.

Now I actually try to have fun by figuring out what is wrong with them! What in their own lives is causing them so much pain that they need to say hurtful things to others? Is is so difficult for them to change their own lives, that they feel threatened by me making improvements in my own life? Am I just reminding them that they are not making any efforts in their own life?

It may be silly, but it helps to remind me that we all have parts of our life that we want to change. We are the ones actually doing something about it though!!

Congratulations on the walking!!!! It will make you feel better every day, and serve as a regular reminder of why you are making this commitment to yourself!! :)_

KD

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
In reply to: mc52877
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:12pm
Well, you seem to be fighting battles on all sides. For the most part life is not fair. It's something we sort of learn in school and it is confirmed when we are out in the working world. People stare at fat people. People make fun of fat people. People/businesses discriminate against fat people. People/businesses exploit fat people. etc. Now, substitute poor for fat or substitute ugly for fat or substitute non-English speaker, etc.. I think you get the idea. People who are different or are seen as different will frequently be picked on. This is not fair, but it is how the world is. However, it is up to us on how we respond to this rude behavior. I doubt that anything you do will change the attitude of the person making fun of you or calling you names. You are in control of you. No one can hurt you with words unless you allow them to. The fact is you are fat. The fact is I am fat. It's pretty obvious. If someone is so stupid to think that I don't recognise this fact and wants to holler at me about my fatness, then I just continue to do my shopping or whatever and move on. I don't allow myself to become a victim of someone else's opinion. I don't feel sorry for myself that I am fat. When these people who yell stupid and rude comments at you see your response (agitation, anger, sadness,etc) - they've accomplished their goal. You just became their victim. You've allowed someone else to control you. They are not going to feel sorry for you for being fat. They are not going to make excuses for your weight. They are going to make you miserable because you allow it. Showing your belly, fat or otherwise, is not the issue. When a thinner woman wears clothes that shows her belly, it's to attract attention and possibly to look sexy. Sometimes the attention it's positive and sometimes it's negative. Even thin women put up with men making rude and lewd remarks when they dress a certain way. Why did you wear clothes that showed your belly? Was it because you had no clothes that would cover your belly? Was it to be sexy? Men don't care what the reason was. They will take advantage of any situation to show-off in front of other men or women. The woman who pulled down your top might have just been embarrased for you and the comments you were getting. Think about the consequences of your own actions. Don't put yourself in a situation to be insulted if you can avoid it. Don't be a victim. Don't feel sorry for yourself. I don't know too many people, including myself, who feel more attractive 100 pounds overweight. I don't expect other people to think I am either. I don't expect them to make comments either, but you can't control anyone but yourself. Take control of your life. You can respond to any situation in a hundred different ways. Choose the one that allows you to respect yourself. No can take your self-respect away from you unless you allow them to.
Good Luck.
Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
In reply to: mc52877
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:48pm

I don't advise confrontation with anyone in this crazy world - but wouldn't it be great if you could say 'Some day I'll be thin...do you think you'll always be a jerk?'

We didn't 'talk' about the shootings at VT much on the board. I am not advocating feeling sorry for the person who did it, but it cetainly seems that he was a sad, lonely, isolated person. I wonder if people who make nasty remarks to people they don't even know realize that they are contributing to making that person feel badly and maybe making them feel isolated and like they want to lash out at people? So many people who post here are so nice and reach out to others - and I'm sure that is true in 'real-life', not just here. The world would be so much a beter place if people would just treat each other with a little kindness.

Don't let what ignorant people say hurt you-keep walking and just turn and give them your most beautiful smile...

SJ
225-169-135

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
In reply to: mc52877
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 10:04pm

I'm reminded of two quotes ...

He who angers you conquers you.

They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.

I have been where you are. No need to dwell on the strangers, no need to give them power. Be strong, hold your head up and focus on those who are good around you. They are there, just need to ignore and move on from the negative and focus on those that are lights in our life. We can not control those around us, only our reactions to them ... don't give them power they are not entitled to.

Colleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
In reply to: mc52877
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 8:52am
I guess this is where I differ, comments from strangers don't really bother me, it is the unthinking comments from friends/family that kill me. With strangers, I just think....how rude/sad that you are this way, but with loved ones, it cuts to the soul. Say the heck with them. They don't know you so why should their comments matter one bit.

 

Angela

image

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
In reply to: mc52877
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 8:58am

Welcome back Maryann!!


I'm sorry you're facing these situations.. I think many people think it's amusing or something to herass others on the street. And I believe for a lot of people it develops into a hobby. What I believe is that I can't control what other people are saying/thinking. But I can control how I react towords this. I don't care what people say and this strips the power from them.


And please don't get me started on how men can get away with lots of things women can't..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
In reply to: mc52877
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 9:00am

Sadly some people never grow out of being bullies, and that's all those idiots are.

Annie

"We do not think ourselves into new ways of living.  We live ourselves into new ways of thinking."  &nbsp

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
In reply to: mc52877
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 9:08pm

Very good advice! Pigs are pigs ... only the oink is different!

Avatar for saej72
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: mc52877
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:01pm

some people are just big A-holes. just be glad that you aren't married to them or have to be in their family.

Luckily i haven't had complete strangers say bad things to me or within hearing distance.
and yes it is a huge double standard, a fat man isn't looked upon as harshly as a fat woman.

Sara
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