How do you improve communication?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
How do you improve communication?
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 6:57pm

Hello writers,
I seem to be having trouble with communicating.
I just am always at a loss for the right words and end up saying something similar to what I meant.
Like when someone was talking about how it's not good to hide emotions, especially when your angry.
And I was agreeing and said "Yeah like you shouldn't keep it buried"
And what I meant to say (cause it was what I was thinking)
was "Yeah like you shouldn't keep it all bottled up inside"

That's more clear :)

The thing is I think before I speak, and I'm thinking as I speak, so it's creating obstacles to hurdle through when I'm communicating.
So forget doing "successful" job interviews ;)

This topic may not be relevant to this board, but I see "writing" and "communicating" in the same family.
They both require a lot of "thought."

So if you have any advice for me to improve this problem, please share. I don't think it's my lack of vocabulary.
Although there are some words I haven't heard of before.

But I think it's more of a process of having to clear your mind.
And be more "simple" minded.

Maybe if I did an exercise to increase my communication, something where the words I'm thinking of come right to me.
Do you think it has something to do with memory?

I'm sick of this "tip of the tongue" talking, and I can't rely on writing/typing everything out, so please help :)


Avatar for garridon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 7:23pm

It's probably more of a case of practicing the right skills.

Linda Adams
Official Web site

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 5:42pm
Thank you, I will be sure to look them up! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 2:43pm

"Simple" minded, as you put it, is never a bad idea. You can find words that say essentially the same thing in thousands of places. Don't use a big word when a small one will do. (Didn't I read something like that in Elements of Style?)

When you're writing, there's time to pull out a dictionary or thesaurus for help. When you're speaking, there's no such assistance. You're on your own. It's just you and your mind interacting with others. Don't know about you but sometimes I feel as if I've been invited to a duel and not given a weapon.

We know the words we want to use. We use them often. They're not new to us. Sometimes we feel the rest of that sentence is on the tip of our tongue. It may more probably be buried under other things in our brain. Keeping your mind focused on the conversation at hand might help. (It's not the time to add to your grocery list.) Even if we're doing everything right, though, the perfect word or phrase just seems to fall out of that hole in the back of our brain.

Loved Linda's suggestion to try Toastmasters. It's a wonderful organization. I've known members who just rave about the skills they've learned and how much fun they've had. Who knows? You may end up a professional speaker (and you can have notes!) or politician (EEEK!). At least you'll be able to feel more comfortable in a conversation.

Does memory have anything to do with not being able to grasp the perfect word or phrase? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't notice it happening any more at 62 than it did at 40. (Any memories before that tend to shade me perfect. LOL!)