Worried about TJ .. *m

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Worried about TJ .. *m
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Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:26am
TJ is my firstborn .. 17 years old and a rising High School senior. He a typical teenage boy .. picks on his younger brothers, argues with his dad, sweettalks me for things, doesn't clean up his room or clean behind himself in the kitchen, for that matter ..

(sigh) THe thing is, he is large ..5"11 and 271 lbs. He's on the school football team. Last week, he has his physical. The team doctor noted he needed to be about 50 lbs less. The doctor also stated he is "Obese". I always reasoned he would outgrow it. T works out everyday, and (when I am around) eats the "right" stuff. I told him not to eat at night. However, the evidence is there in the sink when I get up in the morning.

He has to have a blood pressure check everyday before a practice. I always tell him to be careful when he goes out on the field. (Water, listen to his body, etc.) and he looks up in the sky like he doesn't know where he got me from, and says he does.

He has two examples .. me and Terry. Terry (the spouse) is the UCP (Ultimate Couch Potato) and junk food lover. I am the antsy fitness love and try to eat healthfully. He, of course, follows his dad's lead. He's going to the Y, and he is solid (good muscle), but you can see the layer on top of his muscle. TJ, like his father, thinks the Firm is fluff.

I am so worried from the stories about any player getting overwinded and falling our of cardiac arrest. I would just DIE!!

I know he has to make his choices, but I can't quite squelch this worry. I've been working out for 12 of his 17 years. Somehow, inspite of my best intentions, I can't reach him. I feel like I failed him.

Thanks for letting me talk. (Small smile) I love my sons, so! THe bums!!

Cee




CeeCee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:37am
I know that's tough. Our children think we are aliens and have no idea how they ended up with us at times. I hope he'll listen to his coach and lose the extra weight. Who knows...he may even be listening to some of what you are saying.

Phyllis

Live With Passion!

Phyllis

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:49am
No you haven't failed him at all!!You're setting a good example and he's probably noticing

more than you think.I understand your worry.I'll keep you both in my thoughts.Hang in there Cee!!!

Miss P




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 7:40am
Hugs, Cee. Of course you're worried about that kid! I have a chunky kid, too. He's growing taller and thinning out, but the last couple of weeks, you can tell that the tummy is making a comeback and catching up again so he can't wear any of his dress pants. I think that TJ (and my Shawn) definitely hear us. I think they are embarrassed by their chubbiness. They know it is something that just can't happen overnight and like us at times, just figure why bother...I'll never get it off. Don't give up on him. Get rid of the junk food (I find the evidence of my DS's snacking under his bed) and encourage him to workout with you. I'm letting DS sleep until 8:00 this morning then I'm rolling him out to workout with me. Definitely get your doctor involved. "Official" confirmation that he's overweight and a healthy plan from the doc might get him moving. I'm positive all of your positive influence has rubbed off on him...he's probably just discouraged and afraid he'll fail. Keep at it!

Thinking about you and praying for you and TJ (and your couch tater DH!).

Sassy

 

                        

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:14am
I'm sure your son hears and sees what you're doing, but guys don't like to admit they might have a problem, and teenage boys really don't like to admit that their mothers are right. He is probably concerned and maybe embarrassed, but doesn't want to show it. I agree that having a dr. lay down the law and having his coach stay on him will probably make him take action more than anything else (a guy thing). Who listens to his (her) mother?? ;-) We haven't learned anything in all our time on earth, while everyone else has!!

I don't blame you for being concerned and would keep setting that good example. You may even get him to join in some exercises or walking with you eventually.

Good luck!

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:16am
Cee:

You are doing a fantastic job setting a good example for your guys. I'm guessing that TJ hears more than you think he does. He might not want you to, but keep at it. While he's rolling his eyes, his brain is working. YOU talk with his doctor and tell him your concerns. See what the doc has to say about TJ's heart and his overall health. I'm betting that if the doc thought he was in danger, he'd nix the football in a hurry. Freak medical problems do happen...they can happen to anyone at anytime totally unexpected. I know it's hard, but try not to worry, if that's possible.

Lori

Lori

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:19am
Morning Cee, I understand your concern, I believe we all do. Raising children in this world is hard enough but with some of the obsticals its harder. My oldest is 18 almost 19, big boy too! Played hockey for a while, but thats is. The coach like him for defense because he was very intimidating. I know the truth and he is a teddy bear but now at this age he must be about 6'2" tall and my guess on the weight would be around what your son weighs. I can see he is heavier then he should be. When he is home he eats great but the problem is while he is out. Of coarse now driving and hanging out with friends, I am not there to moniter. McDonald late at night, Taco Bell, every morning when hubby orders breakfast for the guys my son eats an bacon and egg sandwich. I worry too. My Billy belongs to the gym and he goes but I do not thing he goes long enough or often enough. But he is an adult and all I can do is express my concerns.

About your guy TJ, he is young and he still has some growing to to but since he is playing a physical sport for the school maybe its time the coach stepped in more, with your blessings of coarse. Just a thought. Have you voiced your concerns and agreement with his coach in private? Has the coach explained to TJ he might get cut from the team because on being unhealthy? If so, is there a chance the coach can have a serious pow-wow with TJ, telling him if he wants to continue to play for the team he needs to try and knock some of the extra weight off. Maybe if it comes from the coach. Might the coach give him some additional ideas to do in the exercise dept. Might the coach help organize some kind of fitness program in school. I am sure TJ is not alone. I am not saying have the boys do a Richard Simmons tape or go to Jazzercise but we know there are things he can do and be happy. This low carb thing, like Atkins is very popular with me because they love protien. Talk to his doc in my detail too. I would not let the ball drop. I think you and your hubby need to present your worries, concerns, and love together. I know this is hard and please keep us posted. I wish you luck and if there is anything else I can do please let me know.

Deb

PS: I hope my thoughts were alright and I did not get you or anyone else upset with them.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:26am
Hugs, Cee. No, you have not failed him. You have done your best (and continue to) to guide him, set an example for him, and ensure that he at least *knows* what the right thing is. He's of the age where he's making choices... and choosing to make mistakes. I agree with some of the other ladies who've suggested that TJ needs to hear it from his doctor directly - not from the doctor through you (even if he was sitting in the same room when the doc told you) - and also from his coach. The coach might be most effective, since he's likely a man he looks up to. Yes, TJ is athletic, but in watching pro football, I hear sportscasters and coaches talk about players who'd gotten overweight, then lost the pounds and became *so* much better athletes: quicker, not as easily tuckered out. You know TJ is fooling himself, and he's just not accepting of it.

Who's in charge of grocery shopping in your house? If it's you, you can start being more agressive about what snacks are in your house - and enlist your DH's help for his son's sake. If DH wants to stuff up on junk food, he'll have to do it at work or when his son is not around. 50# for a teenager is a lot, and if he doesn't pursue football in college or beyond, he could easily have a bigger problems, not only in excess weight, but serious health concerns at too young an age.

As for the other things (picking on his siblings, not cleaning up, rolling his eyes)... sounds like a normal, know-it-all teenage boy. Hugs on that, too ;^).

Cussette

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:26am
Hey Cee,

You are certainly setting a wonderful example for your son and your UCP! I think they find it very difficult to admit that maybe Mom and the female gender could perhaps be right! Hopefully his coach and the dr. will get through to him! I also have a 17 year old DS and although at 6'and probably a mere 120 lbs I worry about his eating habits-it's full of lots of junk food and fast food with lots of midnight runs to Taco Bell. Either way you love them lots but they can drive you crazy!

Thinking of you!

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:48am
Just a suggestion, but check out this site and look at "bonus benefits" in particular. I know they mention women on the website, but believe me, men do this too and are on the videos. The following site also shows a video demonstration. It looks simple and doesn't take long, but you'd be amazed at what a workout this one exercise is.

http://t-tapp.com/articles/hoedowns/default.asp

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 10:33am
Cee - I'm not weighing in here with whether teen-age boys listen to their mothers, their doctors, or their coaches - I have no first-hand knowledge, but the evidence I see 2nd hand is pretty convincing that they have selective hearing! Continue to set your wonderful example, and privately get after the coach and the doc to get on TJ about changing his poor eating/weak exercise habits. Maybe that threat of being barred from sports will wake him up. Would your son consider joining you at TKD - especially where you participate in competitions, would that perk his interest? And in the gentlest way possible, remind The Spouse that he is not helping his son by practicing the junk-food/no exercise habit in front of him. I'm willing to bet if your husband willingly makes one small healthy change, your son will follow him. How to make that change happen is another story. But I think you're up to it. Good luck, Cee!

Donna

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