Worried about TJ .. *m

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Worried about TJ .. *m
14
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:26am
TJ is my firstborn .. 17 years old and a rising High School senior. He a typical teenage boy .. picks on his younger brothers, argues with his dad, sweettalks me for things, doesn't clean up his room or clean behind himself in the kitchen, for that matter ..

(sigh) THe thing is, he is large ..5"11 and 271 lbs. He's on the school football team. Last week, he has his physical. The team doctor noted he needed to be about 50 lbs less. The doctor also stated he is "Obese". I always reasoned he would outgrow it. T works out everyday, and (when I am around) eats the "right" stuff. I told him not to eat at night. However, the evidence is there in the sink when I get up in the morning.

He has to have a blood pressure check everyday before a practice. I always tell him to be careful when he goes out on the field. (Water, listen to his body, etc.) and he looks up in the sky like he doesn't know where he got me from, and says he does.

He has two examples .. me and Terry. Terry (the spouse) is the UCP (Ultimate Couch Potato) and junk food lover. I am the antsy fitness love and try to eat healthfully. He, of course, follows his dad's lead. He's going to the Y, and he is solid (good muscle), but you can see the layer on top of his muscle. TJ, like his father, thinks the Firm is fluff.

I am so worried from the stories about any player getting overwinded and falling our of cardiac arrest. I would just DIE!!

I know he has to make his choices, but I can't quite squelch this worry. I've been working out for 12 of his 17 years. Somehow, inspite of my best intentions, I can't reach him. I feel like I failed him.

Thanks for letting me talk. (Small smile) I love my sons, so! THe bums!!

Cee




CeeCee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:23pm
Hugs, Cee! I will keep you and T.J. in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a great example for him! Someday, it will stick with him, believe you me!!!

My child doesn't eat right either, and it's mainly my fault since I rarely cook. I try to make him eat alot of salads and fruit. One good thing about Danny is that he loves fish and chicken & rarely likes to eat beef. Unlike me, Danny's dad is very slim and can eat anything he wants - Danny takes after him. However, his dad's cholesterol is sky high so he has to get it down or go on medication. I hope my ds doesn't get that, but he probably will since I have high cholesterol too.

Yes, we love these kids, don't we? I think making sure you have the good foods around the house is really helping him. So glad you are a great example for him with the workouts, too.

Katherine (Kat)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2001
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 9:49pm
Cee, first of all, you HAVE NOT failed TJ. You are a fantastic role model and you should be proud of that.

I agree with what many of the other gals have said. The preaching should come from his Dr. and Coach. Most young men idolize their coaches and maybe he would listen to him.

You will be surprised what will happen as he gets older. My ds was the ultimate couch potato. He would not even ride bike or walk with me when he was at home. He went through four years of college inhaling junk food. After he got out of college, he lived with us for four months while waiting for his acceptance to school again. He started exercising those four months and has continued it. He lifts weights, he uses the eliptical machine and does yoga. Yes, yoga. I talked to him last night and he needs new pants (again)...his are too big for him. He was never obese but he was never slender or "firm". He now has biceps that I'm extremely jealous of. And he looks fantastic! So at some point in his life, he will let what you've been 'telling him and showing him by your example' soak in and will act on it.

Meantime, I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Boys that age think that mom's do not know anything. Oh how I remember. You are a good example and continue to be a good example. Great job, Cee. Hugs to you.

Nancy

Nancy

"Make Choices that bring you joy"  cl-Patty


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2001
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 2:49am
Cee -

All I can say is listen to the rest of the ladies here. They are very wise in the ways of teen / young adult children, and have many years of experience between them. He is probably hearing more than you know, but just refuses to let you know. Boys are like that at that age. You have not let him down. Hopefully between the doctor and the coach, they can impress things upon him that he refuses to hear from you.

Little

Be the change you want to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandhi

 

Avatar for eclectic5777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:46am
Cee,

You post really moved me becuase as a mom many of us know exactly what you

are feeling. We moms want to "fix" everything for our kids and when they begin

to grown up and spread their wings we have to learn a whole new batch of

parenting skills. I believe that continuing to talk to T.J. about a healthy

lifestyle is good thing. He may not respond to your suggestions right now but I'm sure

your words are being tucked away and will rise to the surface and motivate

him when the time is right. I've experienced this many times with my DS who is

now 25. Do you subscribe to any magazines such as prevention or health? Having

them around the house might spur him to read an article here and there. The

best advise I can offer you is to keep planting those seeds of healthy living

and to accept within yourself that you are providing T.J. with the knowledge he

needs to make "his" lifestyle choices. From my experience with my DS I have

found that I have to be careful to pursue issues from a positive standpoint

making sure I do not sound critical or he will pull back and tend to shun the

information. Cee, you are doing a wonderful job setting a good example for T.J.

and I suspect he feels your love and support and is listening to you more than

you may realize at this time. Best of luck and welcome to the world of

parenting a child who is almost an adult...Margie )

You Were Born An Original...   Don't Die A Copy

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