I gotta problem and don't know

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
I gotta problem and don't know
21
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:01pm
exactly what I'm going to do. Came home at lunch to find my oldest DD fuming at her father and pretty much in tears. After dragging it out of her I find out that a friend of ours is angry at her that she hadn't planned a party for me for my 50th. Apparently she approached my DD around the time of my bday and DD explained to her that she couldn't really do anything because she was taking a grad school course that was consuming all her time. And if she planned something it was going to be small like she knew I would like. It seems that Dh has now put it on her to plan something for me at this friend's insistence. He told her that she and her sister should go over to the friends house to starting planning this. First of all I don't want the kids putting out money that they really don't have my kids are very rarely home at the same time to plan anything because of their varying work schedules. This friend has plans of inviting people from out of state etc. I don't want a party and never have wanted one. I was very happy with the tickets to the play and a nice dinner afterwards. Now the problem how do I approach DH without him getting mad at DD that she spilled her guts. This friend is a very nice person but is one that expects the big party etc. (her birthday is 2 weeks after mine and her husband threw her a big party-probably because he figured he was going to be in big dodo if he didn't). But I really think she's sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and I'm angry at DH that he doesn't know me well enough after 27 years to know that I don't like these kinds of things and the fact that he's making DD's life miserable over this whole thing. Anyway my idea was to tell him that I overheard a conversation between DD and DS and approach him about it. What do you think? Any ideas? Gotta figure something out real fast. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense-but trying to do this before running out the door back to work. HELP!

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:06pm
I'd go with the overhearing the conversation scenario and make your feelings known to your husband and your friend.

Good luck!


Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:11pm
Being the person that I am, I'd confront the man and ask him what the deal is. Why is he taking this other girl's side over his own children? There is something else going on? Is there some sort of competition to see who can give the best birthday party? If he wasn't forthcoming, I'd go to the 'friend' and have a little talk with her. There is no reason your daughter (or anyone else for that matter) should have to do something like this if there is a money issue, a time issue, and you don't want a party.

Hugs to you and your daughter.

Lori

Lori

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:27pm
Sounds like you have a friend who has way too much time on her hands and a little more nerve than this situation calls for. I'd tell her nicely that you appreciate her desire to see you celebrated, but you don't wish to put the burden of the cost or time on your childrem with what your daughter has going on, and then I'd very clearly let DH know that you would not feel slighted if your children don't make a big public deal, and that there are other ways for your family to celebrate without turning it into a circus or competition with your friend and her husband.

Yikes - this is supposed to be a happy time for you, not another stress source!

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:34pm
I think I would just tell DH up front what you came home to at lunch.And I'd tell DD that I was going to talk with DH.And I'd be very frank and say it is not something I'd want and you would have hoped he would know that.I'm kind of surprised at the friend for being angry at your daughter. That and the whole deal would upset me.If she wants you to have a party then she should do it, not rag at your family.I'm sure she means well but I'd tell her that you found out about the party and it is not something you want.All this is easy for me to say since I'm not there.

Waht a mess to come home to on a lunch break!!Hope things get straightened out without alot of stres for you.See, this is why I just stopped at 39.

Here's an idea....tell everyone you've made other plans and they can sort it all out.Then hop in the car and come to VA.We'll celebrate your birthday!!!!

Miss P




 

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:40pm
Patty - That is an outstanding idea. I'm on my way.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:41pm
I agree about confronting DH and friend up front, but support the overhearing the conversation route to spare your daughter further stress.

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:43pm
Is this a board party?? I can bring ice cream.

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:50pm
Come on!!We'd have a blast.I was snarling earlier today and came in and read posts from you and cracked up!!!!

Miss P




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:52pm
Oh boy a party!!!!We'll pick up ice cream when you get here.

Miss P




 

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:52pm
You can bring ice cream if I can bring the Margaritas....

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