I gotta problem and don't know

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
I gotta problem and don't know
21
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:01pm
exactly what I'm going to do. Came home at lunch to find my oldest DD fuming at her father and pretty much in tears. After dragging it out of her I find out that a friend of ours is angry at her that she hadn't planned a party for me for my 50th. Apparently she approached my DD around the time of my bday and DD explained to her that she couldn't really do anything because she was taking a grad school course that was consuming all her time. And if she planned something it was going to be small like she knew I would like. It seems that Dh has now put it on her to plan something for me at this friend's insistence. He told her that she and her sister should go over to the friends house to starting planning this. First of all I don't want the kids putting out money that they really don't have my kids are very rarely home at the same time to plan anything because of their varying work schedules. This friend has plans of inviting people from out of state etc. I don't want a party and never have wanted one. I was very happy with the tickets to the play and a nice dinner afterwards. Now the problem how do I approach DH without him getting mad at DD that she spilled her guts. This friend is a very nice person but is one that expects the big party etc. (her birthday is 2 weeks after mine and her husband threw her a big party-probably because he figured he was going to be in big dodo if he didn't). But I really think she's sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and I'm angry at DH that he doesn't know me well enough after 27 years to know that I don't like these kinds of things and the fact that he's making DD's life miserable over this whole thing. Anyway my idea was to tell him that I overheard a conversation between DD and DS and approach him about it. What do you think? Any ideas? Gotta figure something out real fast. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense-but trying to do this before running out the door back to work. HELP!

Susan

Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 3:20pm
Who's brining the cabana boys? That's what I wanna know...

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 3:23pm
They'll be here when you all get here!!!

Miss P




 

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 3:30pm
Patty's been holding out on us - she has them stashed in one of the palaces at CL.
Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 3:48pm
Susan - We get off-topic so easily! Hope you get a laugh out of this, regardless of how you view our advice.

Your "virtual" party was very easy to put together. I hope the real one, whatever form it takes, is what you'd like it to be.

Donna

Avatar for eclectic5777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 3:57pm
Susan,

I know this is a late reply but I figured I'd add my two cents. In the past I would have used the "I overheard a conversation" method but in recent years I've been more inclined to be more straightforward with my DH and children. I think I would be honest with DH. It's not like you walked in the door and DD spilled the beans. You picked up on her distress and sought the reason she was upset.

If your friend wants you to have a party why the heck didn't she plan something special herself? Sounds like she thinks everyone wants what she wants. Too bad she doesn't know you better so that she would know you would prefer something small and intimate rather than a big bash.

A bit off the subject but still somewhat the same was my experience last week while planning our stepfathers funeral with his two daughters. At the beginning everyone was in agreement that the service should be kept simple. It seems that all of us had a different definition of what simple was. In the end the service was very nice but there were a few times that the tension was quite thick between family members. Me being the one who lives far away and hardly ever has to deal with family tensions was at a loss for words. Thank goodness I had the sense to sit there quietly. I came home last night and told DH we needed to clarify our wishes with each other and our children so that when our time comes there isn't and need for tension between family members. I'm just not one for a bunch of hoopla.

If I were you Susan I would have picked dinner and a show too.

Keep us posted.....Margie :) BTW...how is your ankle doing????

You Were Born An Original...   Don't Die A Copy

Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 4:27pm
Gosh! Do you think she gets a whole new batch of cabana boys every time she gets a new batch of chicks?

Lori

Lori

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 4:47pm
If freshness counts....

I can't believe this is me talking!!!!

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 5:51pm
WOW, I need to read all the other posts but my thoughts would be to call a family meeting. Let them know heads up you are not interested in a party.....bottom line. No one should be getting upset or angry of telling the truth. Hold fast Susan and maybe let this "friend" know you are not interested!!!!

Deb

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2001
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 9:43pm
Susan, I agree with most of the others. I would be up front with your dh, also. You pried it out of dd, she didn't come running to you. And honesty usually pays in the long run. Tell him that you do not want a big party. No way, not at all! And then tell your friend to mind her own business....well, maybe not. LOL But, really, if she wanted a big party, she should have done the work for it. What nerve. Be up front, honest and maybe you should tell your friend what your feelings are, too. Nancy
Nancy

"Make Choices that bring you joy"  cl-Patty


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 9:45pm
Yeah, it's the "Dudes and Chicks Special!!"

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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