Feeling very insane

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Feeling very insane
12
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 8:25am
I hesitate to write this but I really need to get this out. I'm feeling so blue, overwhelmed and out of control. I can't get back into any routine around here. I'm angry at the amount of apathy in this house for keeping things at least straightened up around here. I don't want to come in after work and find lunch still on the kitchen counter. I don't want to be expected to pick things up from the drug store when you have access to what was MY car and you don't go to work until 12. I can't keep my own life in order I don't want to be expected to keep everyone elses in order too. Talk to them and tell them-I have. I shouldn't have to.

I'm not sleeping well and I'm sure the blues are being caused by hormones. I talked to the Dr about this. It seems that the time frame right before Flo should arrive and the time that she should be here but doesn't arrive makes me feel this way every month. Her baggage arrives but she doesn't. It's worse than PMS and certainly lasts longer. I've tried going back to yoga but I can't concentrate.

Stress levels within myself are skyrocketing and I know this is not helping the BP situation. I'm really trying to find the positive but when your mind seems to be going crazy it's hard. In a moment of lunacy last night looking for something I had just had I reached behind my knife block and sliced my finger on a knife that was improperly put away. Things are still up in the air about FIL. No one is getting very good information from the Dr as to what his prognosis is or what exactly is the problem. The nurses have provided as much information as they can as to his condition but the dr won't spare a few minutes to talk to my SIL who is bearing the brunt of all this. We've had the situation capped off by a Social worker who came in and accused the family of elder abuse claiming that my FIL had been abused with cigarette burns. Fortunately that situation was cooled rather quickly. I was sure DH was going to go up there and rip someone's head off.

I need to find myself some sanity-anyone have any to spare?

My mind is in a whirlwind and I need to calm down but just can't seem to find any normal brain cells to work with at the moment.

I'm doing a lot of whining this week and I apologize but if I can't talk to you guys there's not a lot of other people who could possibly understand.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 8:39am
Susan, you sound in so much pain. When I don't get the cooperation I need around the house, I go on strike. I do things for myself and let everything else slide until the others do their share. When they don't have clothes to wear, toiletries, or meals fixed, a lightbulb suddenly comes on (even if only for a while). I tell Tim I'm not his mother, and I tell Rob I'm not his maid. Even though I'm at home during the day and keep things up, it doesn't give them a license to be lazy slobs.

Use the time you'd normally do things for them and do something nice for yourself. Try to get out of the house and walk or windowshop at a nearby mall or Target or anything that gets you away from where you'd feel pressured to work. If you have a friend or relative to go with you, all the better.

I understand about the feeling when Aunt Flo is supposed to arrive and doesn't. It looks as though this month will be the first time that she's skipped my house. Can't say that I'm happy about that. I don't want to have to deal with HRT issues. Anyway, these last couple of weeks I've had more cravings, felt less motivated, and had more trouble focusing in general. Finally, I just had to tell myself, this is like any other physiological condition, it's valid, and it will pass.

Be kind to yourself and take care.

Hugs,

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 8:43am
Oh Susan. I can't imagine the stress you must be under right now. It's hard to not take care of everyone, isn't it? I've been guilty of it myself. Finally, when it got to be too demanding, I just stopped. I stopped running other people's errands. I stopped cooking regular meals for everyone (with their preferences noted). I stopped doing their laundry and buying their special treats at the store. I just decided that if they couldn't take the time to help me with things, that I wasn't going to be worried about their needs anymore.

Man what a turnaround! I have to tell you it really worked. It took 2 or 3 weeks for the reality of it all to sink in and then I came home to a nice dinner in a clean kitchen. I still have to do all the errands, but there's a stronger understanding in the house now. Sometimes I have to revert to the rebellion, but not for long.

Your poor family! Isn't it bad enough that FIL is the way he is without getting all those false accusations? I'm afraid I have little tolerance for social workers as a rule. I'm sure they mean well and are just trying to do the right thing. But a lot of the social workers I've known are real drama-mamas with nothing better to do than stir up hate and discontent.

I'm hoping things smooth out for you soon. Hang in there and take care. E-mail me if you like.

Hugs

Lori

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 9:03am
If I could pass on some sanity, I'd gladly do it (my schedule is just upside down right now). It really sounds like you need a family meeting - the house isn't just yours, nor should it be just yours to clean up. It can drive us crazy when we get no assistance, but then again, no one can read our minds, either. There are times I want to snap at DH for not helping out when I'm overwhelmed (and that's not totally fair because he *always* cleans up after dinner), but I hold the reigns and just ask him as if it's no big deal, and he'll finish up what he's doing and get to it. I'm sharing that because the other half doesn't know what you're thinking unless you tell them, and they're not going to listen if you go ballistic. They don't know that it's been building.

Cussette

C

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 9:42am
Hey Susan vent away, dear. Just know you are not alone in this quest of family cooperation. I have it too, and I have been home all day. Well almost. But I understand, the fact that you are out all day makes it even harded to walk home into that. Its unfair. Everyone goes through this with a family some worse then others. Having Aunt Flo giving you trouble does not help either.

I mentioned in chat how I have spoiled my family. Funny thing is they do not see it that way. I would love to go on strike but I just can not. I am nerotic with trying to keep the place clean because I lived with slobs growing up and I can not do that to myself. I drive myself crazy. Try to breathe, have a family meeting, and do not yell. Discuss what everyone wants and how they plan of helping out. That includes hubby too. Hang in there you are by no means alone in this.

Deb

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 10:14am
{{{{{Susan}}}}} I wish I was there so I could give you a big hug! Please know we are all here for you and praying for you. I can't imagine the stress you are going thru and then to have AF acting like such a turd! Please take some time for yourself....maybe a nice relaxing bath and soft music. I'll be thinking of you and sending you lots of happy thoughts.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 11:35am
I hope writing it helped vent a little bit of the pressure building up... I'm really sorry you're having to go through such a rough time. I don't have much help to give other than to say - this is the right place to talk about it.

Hugs,

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 11:55am
Susan ~

Girl, bless your heart. I am not going to patronize you. I've been there (and it's when TOM is coming on). Crying seemed like a way of life there for a while. I had a lot to be happy about, but still ..

You are talking to your doctor. You are aware "this, too, shall pass", but it's not quick or soon enough.

Besides crying the uglies out and cloistering myself off, I prayed 'cause I couldn't control, prevent, change grown people. I am only one person, and I can't save (or Change) the whole work.

Notice when this happens we beat up on ourselves more?? Don't know why, either.

I will think of you today. Keep our shoulder and cry on them often. We know (sigh) we know.

Cee~


CeeCee

Avatar for eclectic5777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 12:06pm
Susan,

I too am sending you a great big hug. Whenever I am experiencing hormonal difficulties things undone or messy around the house is what sends me over the edge. I get BOTHERED by EVERYTHING and don't have a lot of control over the feelings. It's pure torture for me and the family. I'm really feeling for you because I know how miserable you must be feeling.

As far as the kids go if I remember correctly they are all adults and perfectly able to run their own errands, but their own stuff, and pick up after themselves but they will not do it as long as you keep saying yes and they feel it's perfectly acceptable to expect it from you. My DH and I have always been parents who "do" for their kids and during the past year we found ourselves thinking we are more busy now than we were when they were growing up because we have taken on caring for their loved ones too. Sometimes it's such a simple thing but the kids had become dependent on us to take care of things. About 6 months ago we started stepping back and boy did the kids notice. I just told them I realize I won't always be here to do take care of them forever and they need to start learning how to do things for themselves. It's taken quite a bit of conscious behavior but it seems to be working. Oh, don't get me wrong I still help my kids out but now I pick and choose what I do and I'm a lot happier. Susan, I love my children with all my heart but now that they are adults I am so pleased they do not live under my roof. I think we all appreciate each other a lot more this way. The hormonal issues are much easier to deal with without the kids living in the house too. Is there any hope they will move out and on with their lives?

Hope things smooth out for you......Margie

You Were Born An Original...   Don't Die A Copy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 12:16pm
I think you're wise with what you've done with your grown children. I had to learn to step back as my daughter got older (which she didn't like), and am doing it bit-by-bit for Rob, because kids need to be able to do for themselves when they go away to school and to function happily as independent adults. I think most of us had to do it when we left the nest. It's the normal thing for kids to do as they become adults. Keeping them dependent on us is not doing them any favors. Plus, we're getting or have gotten to the age that our parents are relying on us more now. They've done for us most of our lives, and now it's our turn to give back to them. I'm glad to help them any way I can, but it could still never repay them for all they've done.

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:09pm
This would have been the perfect morning for us to live close enough to walk together!!I was going thru the house wondering why I'm the only one with enough strength to open the dishwasher and put dishes in!!!The obvious answer is to tell the others to HELP!!!But if your house is like mine they do it for awhile then go back to the way it was.Or they roll their eyes and think"here she goes again!!".I can always tell when my hormones are in upheaval because things bother me more.

What did your DR say about the hormonal issues?Any good advice?

I'm so sorry for all you have going on.Wish I could do something to help.Come to VA for a weekend and we'll pretend we're just 2 crazy girls looking for an island and a couple of cabana boys.

And it's not whining!!!!It's board therapy.Love ya, Susan!!!!

Miss P




 

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