Ladies I'm asking your help once again..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Ladies I'm asking your help once again..
12
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 11:22am
If I don't get out of this state I'm in and I don't stop posting these things you really are all going to think that I'm a certifiable lunatic. I feel like I've fallen into this big hole and that I'm at the bottom and I see the light at the top and I start to climb back up but for each step I take I keep sliding back to the bottom or when I reach a certain place I'm just holding on for dear life. I'm holding on for dear life at the moment. I'm trying to keep things in perspective but the mind really does play terrible tricks on you. In spite of all the things that I should have been doing yesterday I enjoyed the lazy day and spending the time with my daughter and the kids were so much fun over dinner. I enjoyed a pleasant walk with the dog and did manage to accomplish a few things last evening. So why do I feel so uneasy this morning and anxious and feeling that what I need to do is so overwhelming? In a "normal" of mind I just sort out each task and tackle one thing at a time. I can't seem to do it. I keep looking at the overwhelming amount of things that need to be done and I can't get my mind to focus. I know this not being able to focus is part of this whole menopausal thing but this is really driving me crazy. This is not the "normal" me. Sure I get my periods where things are overwhelming but this just doesn't seem to want to go away. I think one of my goals needs to be to find the type of stress relieving activity that will help me to combat this. I know what I need to do but can't seem to get the brain together to activate any normal semblance of thoughts to put into practice. I'm really going to ruin my health if I keep on this track. No amount of blood pressure medication is going to eliminate this problem if I don't get back in charge of what I'm doing to myself. I seem to understand my own problem but I can't get my mind and body to cooperate.

Thanks again for letting me expand on what's going on inside my head. There really are a lot of little voices inside there!

Susan

Pages

Avatar for oahe
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 11:47am
Susan,

I can really and truly relate to you. I have have been married 27 yrs. I have a daughter 21 and a son who is a Senior in HS. Many days I feel there are not enough pieces of me to go around. Lately, my saying, is "there is only one of me". I feel that a part of my life is ending and I really have no control over it. Somedays I feel pretty good about myself and then next day I'm not at all the same person. I feel really down and out of control. Your note voices my thoughts completely. I can't think of any words to help you, but if it's any consolation, I feel the same way. (Hopefully, this is only a temporary condition.) Perhaps, there is strength in numbers.

Donna L

siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 12:14pm
Susan-

The one thing that has come out through your post over the last year or so is that you have the brunt of the responsibility in your household. Every member of your family is at an age and capable of sharing the responsibility with you. They live there too. It is not fair that you work full time and then come home to take all the responsibility of the household as well. I have a few suggestions. I'm assuming your asking for an opinion (help) in getting this down to something manageable.

Make a list of all the things that have to be done on a monthly, weekly, and then chunk it down to a daily basis. This may mean having a housekeeper come in weekly or bi-weekly to take care of the tough stuff. Or just maybe....your family could have a list of things they need to accomplish on a daily and/or weekly basis.

Saturday and Sunday-DH or one of the kids fix breakfast.

Everyone do their own wash

You make dinner-they take turns doing the dishes

Each person is responsible for cleaning a bathroom

Someone is responsible for weekly dusting, vacuuming, etc.

Be consistent. How many know that your family (dh and kids) will run all over you if you let them?

If you need 30 minutes in the evening to just chill when you come home from work. Make it understood that those are your 30 minutes. No problems, no whining...nothing.

You mentioned that you come home and the lunch or breakfast dishes are still in the sink. There is no reason why you should have to take care of that. Its a whole lot easier to take a few minutes to clean up after oneself than to let it pile up and have the whole family mad at each other.

I hope that what I have said doesn't sound too pushy or too simplistic. I really hope you can get this resolved once and for all. Life is too short to be so unhappy.

Hugs,

Phyllis

Live With Passion!

Phyllis

Avatar for sharonalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 2:21pm
Susan, in reading your posts over the last year that we have been at the board, I agree with everything that Phyllis has said. Your children are grown, it is time that they take adult responsiblity. You should not be doing anything for them any more. If they are going to continue to live in your house then it is time for them to take equal responsiblity with the chores. I know that it sounds easy for me to say, but I too have older and grown children. My kids stopped letting me do their laundry when they were 10. They were afraid that I would bleach or ruin their clothes. You are a wonderul, caring and kind woman and mother but it is time for YOU ! Have you thougnt of maybe finding a support or woman's group, where you can meet other women in your situation ?

Sometimes this helps.

Take care of yourself

Sharon

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 2:42pm
Ok, you all will be happy to know that Susan is NOT a lunatic.I know because I got to talk to her today and I know lunatic and she's not. LOL What she is though is a blast to talk to and I can't wait to meet her at our get together.

Susan, remember the important points we touched on; not being so awake may help and the dangers of healthy stuff.LOL Hang in there and know we all care.

Princess

Miss P




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 2:59pm
Phyllis,

No, I don't think you're being simplistic nor pushy. I really think the crux of the problem at this particular moment is more of a me issue. .

I actually have had the family step up what they do around here. I no longer clean the upstairs bathroom, although I do think the Board of Health may come in and condem in. My son is actually quite self sufficient. The washer and dryer no longer scare him so if Mom hasn't done it he'll find what he needs and throw his stuff in as well as the rest of the load.Does he still ask me to do things-yes-but he also does things around here without waiting to be told. Dh has stepped up in that department as well. The girls are actually the ones that I have to keep after sometimes but they do do things that surprise me sometimes. Are they still a bunch of slobs, and could they do more and do they aggrevate me-yes-it's just sometimes it's easier than others to turn the blind eye or look over and beyond.

My focus is off in general. I'm finding it at work and at home. I need to slow down and evaluate between the essential and non essential and learning to draw the line. Learning to relax and let go of my Wonder Woman complex has become very difficult for me. The family has told me so but I'm not really listening. The focus will be there for awhile and. Then it just sort of hits me life becomes overwhelming and complex and my brain goes in thousands of different ways but usually leading to nowhere.

Just by writing down the things whirling in my head sometimes make me see in black and white helps and makes me see things in a different perspective. I just have to find the right prescription for myself.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 3:06pm
One more thing-it is possible to teach the family new responsibilites and duties-but it does take time and some patience and sometimes the patience does run thin!

And Patty is just as sweet on the phone as she is on line! And I'm glad to report that she doesn't think I'm a lunatic although I'm still in debate over that!

Susan

Avatar for sharonalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 4:45pm
Of course you are NOT a lunatic ! Your inner self is just tring to get out and say, hey it is time for Susan ! Many women go through this especially during our peri/meno years, we come into our own and realize we have lives to live. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. By the way are you still working with your student at the library?

Hugs

SHaron

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 5:14pm
Since these feelings are hanging on so long and causing you such grief, I think it's time to make an appt. with the dr., let him know exactly how you feel, and see what he suggests. We all agree the family should do their share, but if that's not enough and you're having trouble coping in general from hormonal changes or whatever, then I'd make that appt. ASAP. Quality of life is everything, so don't hesitate to get some medical help just as you would for your blood pressure or any other condition.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Hugs,

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 5:33pm
Many hugs, Susan! I hope you feel better soon. I kind of know what you're going through as there have been 2 periods in my life where I had those kinds of feelings running through me. I don't think I coped as well as you are coping, however. Nowadays, I forget things constantly & never feel as if anything at home gets accomplished. However, I guess I've become so laid back about it - I don't know, maybe that's why I'm still a single woman - what man would have me & my big mess of a life! LOL!

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers this week, Susan. Hope you get some relief from this stress - maybe your doctor can help.

Hugs,

Kat

P.S. I don't think for one instance that you're a lunatic. You may be a perfectionist, but never a lunatic.

Katherine (Kat)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 6:07pm
Probably most or all of us feel looney at times lately. That's NORMAL for our age span.

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


<

Pages