I don't want everyone on the board thinking that my family is a bunch of uncaring, out for themselves individuals who take me for granted all the time (Ok sometimes they do). My husband has taken on various tasks around the house that he never did before and if he finds me doing them he gets mad at me. My daughter undertook putting away years of photos and negatives that had been piling up in a box. It was a totally overwhelming project for me. She took the reins and did the whole job. The oldest always is running an errand or picking up stuff for me so I don't have to do it. My son takes over a lot of the yard work for DH when it gets out of control and will be found doing domestic chores that most 17 year old wouldn't want to even if they were told to. Are they perfect, do they forget what should be normal clean up after yourself messes could they be doing more the answer would probably be yes. For the most part a gentle reminder will do but you may add on a day with irrational clients, a cranky boss, a mindless twit of a coworker or add on some out of control hormones and it brings their forgetfulness to a different level. But the fact of the matter is that they were all spoiled by me. I was home for many years and they weren't brought up to do as much as they should have been expected to. When I went back to work it was part time and I was home from 2:30 in the afternoon. It's only been the past few years that I've been working full time. So it's been an adjustment for me and for them. It's been an adjustment for me to. To give up the things I've always been capable of doing before has been an adjustment. I've gradually given up doing a lot of the things for them that I had done before. I have certain expectations of myself and I don't realize sometimes that I'm expecting too much. I've lost some of my ability to relax and let go and that the world around me is not going to shatter if I don't complete something when I think it should be finished. This morning was a good example except I handled it the right way today. It's been an ongoing battle to try to get our basement in order. I get sloppy putting paperwork away and so forth. I was able to look at the picture this morning and pick certain projects and complete them. There was a point though that I found the whole task as overwhelming. That's when I knew it was time to walk away for awhile. For the most part I'm capable of doing this but there have been a lot of other things going on around here, particularly concerning my own health. One test after another, bp problems that I never pictured myself as having to deal with. My FIL's recent stroke, worries about DH's job, DD's unemployment situation, DS's graduation and although my other DD is doing well she has suffered from medical and anxiety issues herself. You add in a few hormonal issues and it can make for some crazy moments.
So although I feel that I handle these situations well overall there are times when I just feel like it is like being grappling to get up a giant hole. I'm sure there are many who can handle most anything but can become discouraged and feel like they're treading water. Most of the time just having a place to come and put my feelings in black and white and seeing people's responses will put things back in perspective for me. My focus has definetly been off and it's difficult sometimes to see things properly when that happens.
I will admit that I have had a number of bad days in a row. Maybe that's what I needed to get my head on the right way. I was really able to take a step back yesterday. I know a conversation I had with a very special person yesterday helped enormously and the fact that I took time away yesterday to just enjoy a walk seemed to recharge my battery.
I'm feeling better. I have some work to do on myself. I have to learn to deal with life's ups and down on a daily basis rather than let it accumulate and bring me to the point where I've been the past few days. I want to get back into yoga on a more regular basis and I hope that will be a way of dealing with the stress that accumulates.
I hope this clarifies my venting for the past few days. I would feel really bad if you all had this terrible image of my family that take advantage of me on a daily bais. They really are all wonderful!
Susan
You are so right that just getting it out helps.I don't know where I'd be without my board buddies.
Miss P
Lori
Lori
We often have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and when we don't perform up to what we think we should, we get mad at ourselves as much as the rest of the family, then take it out on them. Sometimes it's undeserved, but there are definitely times when they deserve whatever we dish out. It's pretty much of a pendulum swinging back-and-forth as most things in life tend to be.
I'm sure you have a great family. I wouldn't trade my family for the world, but there are days when I might consider renting them out. ;-)
Rhonda
~~Rhonda~~
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I understand perfectly what you are saying. We all want to be wonderwoman. We all want help when we need it and we don't want to have to ask. We want our families and our guys to be perfect. And who is?
And don't ever hesitate to post here. We all do. We all have those days and those gripes that are so obvious to us and then after we get them off our chest, we feel better. I don't think that anyone will think that other's families/DH are not just great!! We have all taken time to gripe here.
I am glad that you got a few things accomplished today. Sometimes that is all that you need to get that 'under control' feeling back a bit. Take care of yourself.
Hugs to you,
Nancy
"Make Choices that bring you joy" cl-Patty
I won't say my ds is wonderful, but he has wonderful moments. Right now, he has bad influences (his dad being one of them & I won't go there except to say he yells at Danny too much), so my ds takes these bad influences out on me at home. Add to that the fact that I do too much for him and people would say I have a spoiled child. I do the best I can overall, but I need to leave more responsibilities to him. Consistency is the key to everything & there is where I fall short. Today, he will take out the trash & vaccuum for me, but do I insist he make his bed everyday or wash dishes? No. I'm way too lenient on household chores.
Anyway, coping with the things we working moms have to cope with is overwhelming at times and I've had many a good cry (and a few temper tantrums) just this year alone. This has been the best year of my life as a mom, too, so things have gotten better for me.
Deb
Debbie
Deb
Debbie
I nearly fainted. Of course, he doesn't know that. Sometimes he can be such a sweetie.
Lori
Lori
Don't give it another thought. Many of us know exactly what you are talking about from our own experiences with your young adult children. I think one of the biggest things people don't realize is it's just as difficult to learn how to parent a young adult child as it was a newborn when we were inexperienced parents. Everything is a learning experience. Your family sounds like a typical family to me.
Hope you have a great Tuesday!
Margie:)
You Were Born An Original... Don't Die A Copy
Hugs, Cussette
C