Continued prayers for my FIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Continued prayers for my FIL
10
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 9:57pm
and the family.Things are not good with my FIL. He apparently has suffered irreversable brain damage due to the stroke. DH and I and our son went up last night to see him. He will have his lucid moments and Although he doesn't know my name he knew who I was and was asking me if I was feeling Ok and yet when we asked him if he knew who Phil was he had no idea who his grandson was. Of course seeing his grandfather this way with no recogniztion of who he was was very difficult for DS. And had no idea we had been there when asked by my MIL.

The doctors have decided that he is "well enough" to be discharged. This is a man who can't feed himself, can't get out of bed, screams and yells at my MIL and SIL. Their medical care is done so it's now up to the family to decide what to do. He obviously is in no condition to come home. So Where does he go? There are no questions asked of the family just a discharge nurse calling you telling you that he is being discharged. And that if you don't find a facility within 2 days you will then be billed for each day that he stays in the hospital. There are some very tough decisions to be made. Their medical insurance covers them for 100 days of rehabilitation. So you are handed a list and told to check off 5 facilities that are covered under your plan that you would like him to go to. You have to make an instant decision without looking at the facility or without any information about the facility. Who can make a decision like that for a loved one? Then DH's oldest sister made her feelings known that the whole rehab process should be forgotten and he should be put in a nursing home facility. Does she really want to make a decision like that in this amount of time? DH, myself and DH's younger sister all feel that he should at least be given the time to see what the therapists can do. I certainly don't want him put into a nursing home facility without at least the opportunity to see if he can gain a small portion of self help. And if they feel that he won't gain much from the rehab it will at least allow a little more time to look and decide about nursing home facilities.

Not only do these decisions have to made without much thought put into it but the social worker got nasty with my SIL. I have never liked the medical insurance plan and doctors that they use and DH's and my opinion have certainly not changed.

So if you could please remember DH and his family that whatever decisions they need to make over the course of the next day or two will be decisions that they feel will be the best and for the grandkids who have spent enormous amounts of time with their grandparents. We all lived within a few minutes of each other and grandma and grandpas house was always the best place to be!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 10:06pm
Susan, I sure feel for you and your family. We went through something similar with my dad this past year, and it is pretty overwhelming. What's really sad is it's such a tough decision to make for someone. You know people often reach these points in their lives, but I'm not sure you can ever be fully prepared for it emotionally. My dad is fortunate that he has had just a little impairment from his minor stroke, and he really shouldn't have been even in the rehab/assisted living place he was even for a week. He'd just been so ill, and we were scared that he might get worse if he didn't have professionals with him 24/7. Mom wound up taking him home for several hours a day to get him away from there as soon as he was able, then he came home. They had a special bed at the house for a while and a physical therapist came to the house to work with him. She was pretty much worthless for what little she did, but I think she didn't know enough about Dad to work with him properly, so it really wasn't her fault.

I agree with you, from what you've told us, that you shouldn't rush to put him in a nursing home. Do the drs. think he might make some improvement over time? Don't let anyone rush you in making such an important decision.

Take care, and we'll continue to pray for him.

Hugs,

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for oahe
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 10:15pm
I will keep you and your DH family in my prayers. They certainly do things differently in your part of the country. Don't they have something called "swing bed" where he can stay in and get rehab. right in the hospital? There are NH that have rehab built right in the care these days. PTs and OT are on staff. I work in one such NH. This is very hard and emotional time for the family. Your family has to make some tough decisions and so quickly. It doesn't sound like it's a very compasionate hospital your FIL is at. It's the Social Worker's job to help the family out in these matters. I think she/he should be reported to the Administration. You should not have to put up with that. I will be thinking of you. Donna L
siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 11:41pm
I will keep him and your whole family in my prayers, Susan. How awful to be going through this for you and your family!

Hugs,

Kat

Katherine (Kat)
Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:00am
Prayers for your FIL and family, Susan. How difficult it must be to have to make such an important decision under duress. I hope the drs can give your DH and his sibs more guidance about FIL's prognosis and the hospital social worker comes around with some competent advice.

Donna

Avatar for eclectic5777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:21am
Gosh Susan your family sure has had it's plate full this year. I will keep your entire family in my prayers. I hope this difficult time will pass quickly and you FIL will surprise everyone. Please remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time.

Margie :)

You Were Born An Original...   Don't Die A Copy

Avatar for jody_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:52am
You are in my prayers, Susan. I hope things work out for you.

~Jody~

~Jody~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 1:04pm
Sorry to hear things have gotten worse for FIL and the family. Those are some tough decisions to make and the insurance companies don't make it any easier either.

Prayers and lots of strength and patience.

Grace

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 4:26pm
Susan I wish you luck here. It sounds like things are very stressful for your family right now. I am so sorry to hear you going through all of this. Just know we are here for you. I am sure you will do whats right, and its unfair for the insurance companies to put such pressures on families like that. Stay strong.

Deb

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 4:41pm
Susan, so very sorry for your family is having to go thru.Keeping you all in my thoughts.

Miss P




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 4:48pm
Good grief. They've probably seen so many cases like his, they don't view "it" as a person, but just another case. I'm so sorry your family is having to make such difficult decisions in so short a time frame. Prayers of strength, wisdom and His guidance for all of you.

BTW, I side with you, DH and younger SIL on giving rehab a chance and NOT sending father directly to a nursing home. However, you might need temp nursing care before you settle on a rehab option.

Cussette

C