Airline Humor
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 8:13pm |
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet,'
which conveys to the mechanics, problems encountered with the aircraft,
during the flight, that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
correct the problem; then respond, in writing, on the lower half of the
form, what remedial action was taken. The pilot reviews the gripe sheets –
before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and
engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance
complaints and problems, as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution
recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Debbie
Live With Passion!
Phyllis
Thanks.
Donna
PS - I don't anticipate laughing that hard over anything the engineers I work with say.....
I got an email from my sister tonight that had me laughing out loud. We were talking about her "granddarling" who's 14 months old. She really is very bright, but headstrong. She gets frustrated, because she can't articulate everything she knows and wants to convey, but she has learned how to sign some, since her half-brother and half-sister are deaf. She is already becoming bilingual. Today she was signing "more" for something while my sister and niece were on the phone. She really likes to "talk" on the phone. My sister was talking to her, and my niece finally insisted that Andie let her talk. Well, Andie clouded up and rained all over, if you know what I mean, so my sister told her to ask Andie if she'd like to go bye-bye and have lunch with CeCe (That's what she calls her). Andie stopped crying and went and got her shoes!!! That's our girl! It just cracked me up.
Rhonda
~~Rhonda~~
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Got to get some sleep. I forgot tomorrow is Friday, not Saturday. I hate when that happens.
Have a good one!
Rhonda
~~Rhonda~~
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Cussette
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