Airline Humor

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Airline Humor
8
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 8:13pm


After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet,'

which conveys to the mechanics, problems encountered with the aircraft,

during the flight, that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and

correct the problem; then respond, in writing, on the lower half of the

form, what remedial action was taken. The pilot reviews the gripe sheets –

before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and

engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance

complaints and problems, as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution

recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major

airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding

on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 7:31am
These were very cute. Thanks!

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 1:56pm
Ha Ha...those are funny! pw

Live With Passion!

Phyllis

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:14pm
OMG! OMG! I laughed myself into a headache and a coughing fit. DH came in to see what I was wheezing about. Talk about tickling a funnybone....

Thanks.

Donna

PS - I don't anticipate laughing that hard over anything the engineers I work with say.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:29pm
Most engineers seem to be pretty cut-and-dry types. I thought those were very funny too.

I got an email from my sister tonight that had me laughing out loud. We were talking about her "granddarling" who's 14 months old. She really is very bright, but headstrong. She gets frustrated, because she can't articulate everything she knows and wants to convey, but she has learned how to sign some, since her half-brother and half-sister are deaf. She is already becoming bilingual. Today she was signing "more" for something while my sister and niece were on the phone. She really likes to "talk" on the phone. My sister was talking to her, and my niece finally insisted that Andie let her talk. Well, Andie clouded up and rained all over, if you know what I mean, so my sister told her to ask Andie if she'd like to go bye-bye and have lunch with CeCe (That's what she calls her). Andie stopped crying and went and got her shoes!!! That's our girl! It just cracked me up.

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:40pm
I think I like Andie! She sounds like a determined little girl who knows her own mind. Cute story...

Got to get some sleep. I forgot tomorrow is Friday, not Saturday. I hate when that happens.

Have a good one!

Avatar for oahe
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:46pm
Those were great. I sent them on to my brother who is an airplane mechanic. We'll see what he says.
siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rsmurray
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 12:53am
He should really get a kick out of them!

Rhonda

       ~~Rhonda~~


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
In reply to: rsmurray
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 8:00am
This is my kind of humor! Real life is always the best.

Cussette

C