I didn't want to go, it's good that I
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I didn't want to go, it's good that I
| Mon, 09-22-2003 - 8:30am |
did but it sure left me with a mixed bag of emotions last night. Hot flashes were hitting me pretty hard yesterday afternoon so I decided to retire to my outdoor chair with the hopes of finishing the book I'm reading and take a walk. DH then asked me if I wanted to go the hospital with him. I'll admit I was feeling a bit selfish and I really didn't want to go but I was feeling guilty and he was adding in his own guilt trip on me so I went with him. We walked into the room and my SIL was all upset. DH's other sister had left them waiting for a ride to the hospital for an hour with no explantion and they found my FIL in a state of agitation telling them to get the he** away from him and not really knowing who they were. This was after seeing him in a good way the day before. My SIL started crying and we hugged and I just let her cry. He finally settled down and slept for awhile and I think he's beginning to know in his rational moments that things aren't right and he just kept saying that he's not right and belongs in the nut house and maybe it would be easier to be hit by a car. He didn't realize I was there but after sleeping he asked DH how I was feeling. When I told him I was there he just kept trying to ask me how I was. His mouth moves with the words but the words just won't come out. He started to cry and asked DH to take care of his mom because he's worried about her. He's so frail and I'm glad that I went but left me feeling so sad, and with a headache as it was so warm in his room. We got stuck in the usual Sunday traffic coming home and arrived just in time for dinner prep. We left the house rather abruptly and everything in the kitchen was in chaos. Before I could ask for some assistance from DH he disappeared to take a nap. I then took my emotions out on the kitchen. Fortunately DD and BF arrived home and helped with the final prep of dinner. Of course that was about the time that the potatoes that I was whipping in my mixer decided it didn't like the frozen butter I put in there and it promptly exploded butter and potatoes all over the kitchen floor, down the side of the refigerator and apparently did some art work on the hall wall that was discovered several hours later when DS asked me what was stuck to the wall. That sort of broke the ice for dinner and DD and BF were full of funny stories to bring me back some humor! My other DD arrived home later and enjoyed her birthday cake and telling us about her trip to MA.
This whole situation it just so emotionally draining and I think many of the family members think that this situation is going to improve. They can't get a doctor to say whether they think it will or not. They say the damage is irreversable and my feeling is that he's going to continue as he is with his lucid moments and his irrational moments and moments where he's not lucid at all. It's just so very sad.

And scrape the potatoes off the wall! ;-)
Lori
Lori
Hugs,
Phyllis
Live With Passion!
Phyllis
Deb
Debbie
Miss P