Needing a shoulder..........

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Needing a shoulder..........
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Thu, 10-23-2003 - 6:58pm
I had this huge and I mean huge fight with my sister about 2 hours ago. So huge that in my anger I hung up the phone on her. I know I owe her an apoligy on this, but not now, tempers and feelings are still to raw. We hardly agrue, maybe a small tiff now or then but my sisters are my best friends. I am crying yet again as I type this. My sister got upset and mad at me because I (my family and I) could not make it to my neice's birthday this past Sunday. I explained that this weekend was a big race for my kids and I needed to be in NJ with them. She definatly had an attitude with me. I just could here it in her voice. Mind you I have gone to "everything" for her children (ages 6 and 8) since they were born. I have not got with Bill when it was just the boys, when it was their bdays in the past. Gave up an entire family racing weekend because it was my nephew's communion. Which I felt was more important, my kids were disappointed but I felt I made the right decision. Goodness, I was the one who went with her to her son's baptizmal class because her stupid husband was to busy to take off. Anyway we did not speak last week at all. She was upset and now I was upset plus we are both so busy with our families, and our scheduals (her with work/mine with school). On Monday I called my neice and sand Happy Birthday to her on the answering machine, about 3/4 into the call my mom (who babysits for my sister)picked up and then handed the phone to her (Sam, my niece). Well I attempted to talk to her, ask her how her day was and so on, but my niece was too busy to speak with me. She gave me short, one word answers and hung up on me. Oh well she is only 6 and she was too busy playing. On Tuesday I stopped at my sisters home to delivers Sam's birthday gift. I was inbetween picking Katie up and heading home for my evening of fun homework for both Katie and I. Plus dinner and so on. Well my niece calls me to thank me and hangs up again. I call back and my sister gave me the bums rush. I let it go. Well she calls my about 4 on her way home and we have a regular conversation. My other sister then calls me and surprised by the fact that "D" and I talked. "S" then goes on to say that "D" was upset with me because she felt I ignored the dd bday, and only dropped a gift off because it was a chore. Well I lost it then. I called her up and we had it out. I tried to explain that my dropping a gift off was never ment to be a way of saying I did not care nor was it a "chore". I am the first person who drops off things to help her. She then went on to say I did not call on Monday. I did call, but mom only told her on Tuesday. Is it my fault she does not look and listen to her own machine and relies on mom? I was livid. Now mind you I was not the only family member who did not attend this bday party on Sunday. Her own mother-in-law was not there. She was in Manhatten with one of her other grandkids taking in a broadway play. And my sisters both brother-in-laws were not there because they needed to work. But did they get treated like that, or did they make sure a gift got there within a reasonable time....nope! Well now I have no clue where or how to pick up these pieces. I do not think this can be fixed to easily, and this bothers me to no end. HELP! Your advise is welcome.

Deb

Debbie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 7:13pm
Wow Deb, I feel so bad for you. Sounds like your sister expects alot out of you. Because you are always there for things, I'm sure your absence went more noticed than the others that didn't make it. I would give her time to cool off and then maybe you two could sit down and have a nice quiet talk alone. I hope things work out between the two of you. Life is too short to let anger get the best of a friendship. I'm one that keeps things inside and not share my feelings with others when I'm hurt. So I give you a big thumbs up for sticking up for yourself! Take care and best wishes.....lisa

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 7:30pm

Oh my..are you the middle child by any chance?????

“You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” -Brian Tracy
Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 9:05pm
Deb - I'm sorry you're hurting. Mostly I'm sorry that your sister is so angry with you that she might be projecting it toward your niece.

You two need a cooling off period, and you need to ignore everyone else on this subject. You weren't off seeing a show (like the child's own grandmother was - I can't believe that she couldn't do that another day), you were with your family. I think your sister's a little out of line with you. But you both have to reach out, and soon.

Many hugggsss to you. You're got so much stress going on - this is the last thing you need....


Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2001
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 9:16pm
I don't have any advice but I will send hugs your way.
Nancy

"Make Choices that bring you joy"  cl-Patty


 


Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 10:58pm
clarification:

I realize how presumptuous I sound saying you need to ignore everyone else on this subject. I meant to just decline to talk about any of it with anyone in your family except your sister, not to ignore any advice from your friends here. You two and how you settle your differences are the only parties that matter in this situation.

Sheesh, did I sound nervy...

And I'm still sending hugs your way, Deb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 1:24am
I knew what you meant-------surely never ignore the advice given here :o).
“You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” -Brian Tracy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 5:47am
Oh, Deb, with two sisters of my own I understand how you feel.Fighting is the worst.I hope you guys can resolve this soon and that you feel better.Sending you big hugs.

Miss P




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 6:01am

I think your sister expects way too much of you.

Live With Passion!

Phyllis

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 6:18am
I hope you and sister can make up soon. You didn't do anything wrong, of course. Just wish families wouldn't get this way. Sometimes I'm glad I lives hundreds of miles from mine when I hear things like this. Poor Deb, hang in there. You're a great mom and your kids have to come first.

Hugs,

Kat

Katherine (Kat)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 6:23am
Whoo, need more coffee! I meant sometimes I'm glad I "live" hundreds of miles . . .
Katherine (Kat)

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