Needing a shoulder..........

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Needing a shoulder..........
13
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 6:58pm
I had this huge and I mean huge fight with my sister about 2 hours ago. So huge that in my anger I hung up the phone on her. I know I owe her an apoligy on this, but not now, tempers and feelings are still to raw. We hardly agrue, maybe a small tiff now or then but my sisters are my best friends. I am crying yet again as I type this. My sister got upset and mad at me because I (my family and I) could not make it to my neice's birthday this past Sunday. I explained that this weekend was a big race for my kids and I needed to be in NJ with them. She definatly had an attitude with me. I just could here it in her voice. Mind you I have gone to "everything" for her children (ages 6 and 8) since they were born. I have not got with Bill when it was just the boys, when it was their bdays in the past. Gave up an entire family racing weekend because it was my nephew's communion. Which I felt was more important, my kids were disappointed but I felt I made the right decision. Goodness, I was the one who went with her to her son's baptizmal class because her stupid husband was to busy to take off. Anyway we did not speak last week at all. She was upset and now I was upset plus we are both so busy with our families, and our scheduals (her with work/mine with school). On Monday I called my neice and sand Happy Birthday to her on the answering machine, about 3/4 into the call my mom (who babysits for my sister)picked up and then handed the phone to her (Sam, my niece). Well I attempted to talk to her, ask her how her day was and so on, but my niece was too busy to speak with me. She gave me short, one word answers and hung up on me. Oh well she is only 6 and she was too busy playing. On Tuesday I stopped at my sisters home to delivers Sam's birthday gift. I was inbetween picking Katie up and heading home for my evening of fun homework for both Katie and I. Plus dinner and so on. Well my niece calls me to thank me and hangs up again. I call back and my sister gave me the bums rush. I let it go. Well she calls my about 4 on her way home and we have a regular conversation. My other sister then calls me and surprised by the fact that "D" and I talked. "S" then goes on to say that "D" was upset with me because she felt I ignored the dd bday, and only dropped a gift off because it was a chore. Well I lost it then. I called her up and we had it out. I tried to explain that my dropping a gift off was never ment to be a way of saying I did not care nor was it a "chore". I am the first person who drops off things to help her. She then went on to say I did not call on Monday. I did call, but mom only told her on Tuesday. Is it my fault she does not look and listen to her own machine and relies on mom? I was livid. Now mind you I was not the only family member who did not attend this bday party on Sunday. Her own mother-in-law was not there. She was in Manhatten with one of her other grandkids taking in a broadway play. And my sisters both brother-in-laws were not there because they needed to work. But did they get treated like that, or did they make sure a gift got there within a reasonable time....nope! Well now I have no clue where or how to pick up these pieces. I do not think this can be fixed to easily, and this bothers me to no end. HELP! Your advise is welcome.

Deb

Debbie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 6:38am

So sorry to hear you're being put through this. Your first obligation (and privilege to do things with) is your own family. Obviously, she wouldn't pass on doing things with her children to be with yours, so why does she expect that of you? As the middle of 3 sisters, my sisters and I have had a few spats over the years, but have always managed to patch things up, which I suspect will happen with yours after a time. Now, the situation with my daughter is a different story. I'm concerned that may never be resolved.


Take care and know you did the best you could. Maybe she'll realize her expectations were unrealistic.

Rhonda


Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time disapproving of others.

       ~~Rhonda~~


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Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 7:59am
Good morning and thankyou so much for listening to me, yesterday. I felt better as the night went on. I explained to Bill what had happened and his responce was "good, no one ever speaks their minds with her". I know I did the right thing with that, but not the slamming down of the phone so rudely. I did not sleep well because the situation, but I am sure given time both her and I will calm down. Someone asked birth order, well I am the oldest of the 3 and I feel like the glue sometimes that keeps things together. I have no school today so after Katie leaves I am joining WW, then going to Curves. Great place to work off this fustration and stress. This afternoon my son gets ready to head to Florida with my folks for 5 days and Katie has her award dinner for racing. So today is busy again. Tomorrow I am heading to Conn with Katie and my youngest sister for the weekend. I think getting away will feel good. Thanks again and I truly mean this. I needed to know I was not being unfair, you know how you start to question yourself? She has a way of doing that to people. Oh well, the sun is out, and I have a full day ahead. Hope you all have a wonderful day too!

(((HUGS)))back to all of you, Deb

Debbie

Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:10am
I'm sorry you and your sister had such a big blow up over something this small. It's a birthday party for crying out loud! There will be other birthdays. First communion? Yeah, skip the races and go to that. That's a once in a lifetime thing. And I think maybe your sister has forgotten you actually have a life of your own.

Absolutely do not feel badly for how you dealt with the situation. I would have been angry as well. She sounds a lot like my mother in law who plans these sorts of things and expects that everyone will reschedule other things to attend. I get super angry with her when she does that.

I hope the races went well for your kids! Take care and call your sis in a few days. It will blow over and be forgotten before you know it.

Lori

Lori

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