When asked, most husbands agree on one thing that they desire from their wives more than any other: respect.
By Mary Jenson
Rob and Deborah had their camping trip all planned out. Destination? The same campsite where they honeymooned five years before. They got off on time with the twins and all their paraphernalia packed in tight.
Everything went fine until late afternoon. Rob couldn’t quite remember the exit to take off the freeway. “Where’s the map, Honey?” Deborah asked when she noticed the concerned look on his face. Rob had left it on the counter by the phone.
“I’ll recognize the exit when I see it,” Rob said. He kept on driving.
Rob didn’t give up until 9 p.m. It was pitch dark, and the twins were out cold. Deborah is not sure what checked her perspective, but she noticed that Rob looked miserable. She reached across in the dark and gently massaged his neck. “It’s okay, Honey. Let’s just get a motel room.” At the nearest Holiday Inn, they carried the kids and the necessities inside and, relishing the king-size bed, quietly made love under the covers.
The next morning, Rob had no defensive walls to take down. Deborah had chosen to honor him as her husband, in spite of his mistake. He asked for directions—without Deborah’s prodding—and everyone enjoyed lunch at their honeymoon campsite.
When asked, most husbands agree on one thing that they desire from their wives more than any other: respect. Or as some might put it, honor. “My wife wants flowers and dinners out,” said one man, “but what I want most is for her to honor me, to respect me, to look up to me.”
Honor holds in esteem the position and importance of a person even if his actions are not always honorable. As Romans 12:10 tells us, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (NIV)
Honor is a choice that is not always easy. Elevating another person above ourselves is unnatural—or rather, it’s supernatural—and it involves at least two elements…
The beauty of deference. Deference is a synonym for words like reverence, veneration, and esteem. My dictionary also says it “implies a courteous yielding…of one’s own judgement, opinion…to that of another.” Deference is putting another person first. It’s a sign of character, not compromise.
This past summer I spent one night at a bed and breakfast inn with a friend. Around the communal breakfast table the next morning our conversation was about this guy-thing of hogging the remote control. Each man acknowledged his reluctance to part with that little bit of power; each wife nodded her head and rolled her eyes.
Ron and I have the same struggle. One night, after we hooked up a new TV, he changed the channel with the new remote. I changed it back with the old one. The battle was on—we laughed, and finally I gave up. It wasn’t worth it. Deference means that it’s perfectly all right for me to remind Ron that I’m interested in a particular program, but it’s not a battle I need to win all the time.
The power of preference. A second way to honor is to show preference to our husbands. Aside from our relationship with Him, God set one relationship above all others: the relationship between a husband and wife. And it requires our preference.
When our children were little, I found it easy to say that I gave my husband preference but hard to live it out. Wrapped up in the daily tasks of caring for our kids—feeding, clothing, playing, comforting, teaching, listening—was the underlying assumption that Ron could take care of himself. At least he’d yell if he needed something.
Ron didn’t complain very much. He realized many things pulled at me as a mom, but putting him at the bottom of my list too often created a distance between us. These days we are working hard to rediscover some of the companionship and connection that distance took away.
For me, preference means making time for Ron, really listening when he needs to dream out loud. It means stocking the fridge with Diet Coke, making the coffee every night before we go to bed, and using Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise. It means, after all these years, I’d better figure out how to make that great crab cocktail his mom made for Thanksgiving.
To honor is to make a choice that is often difficult. Deference and preference don’t come easy, but when we understand honoring as a sign of character, not of compromise, we make a powerful statement to our husbands—and to the world.
Miss P
What Does Your Husband Really Need?
When asked, most husbands agree on one thing that they desire from their wives more than any other: respect.
By Mary Jenson
Rob and Deborah had their camping trip all planned out. Destination? The same campsite where they honeymooned five years before. They got off on time with the twins and all their paraphernalia packed in tight.
Everything went fine until late afternoon. Rob couldn’t quite remember the exit to take off the freeway. “Where’s the map, Honey?” Deborah asked when she noticed the concerned look on his face. Rob had left it on the counter by the phone.
“I’ll recognize the exit when I see it,” Rob said. He kept on driving.
Rob didn’t give up until 9 p.m. It was pitch dark, and the twins were out cold. Deborah is not sure what checked her perspective, but she noticed that Rob looked miserable. She reached across in the dark and gently massaged his neck. “It’s okay, Honey. Let’s just get a motel room.” At the nearest Holiday Inn, they carried the kids and the necessities inside and, relishing the king-size bed, quietly made love under the covers.
The next morning, Rob had no defensive walls to take down. Deborah had chosen to honor him as her husband, in spite of his mistake. He asked for directions—without Deborah’s prodding—and everyone enjoyed lunch at their honeymoon campsite.
When asked, most husbands agree on one thing that they desire from their wives more than any other: respect. Or as some might put it, honor. “My wife wants flowers and dinners out,” said one man, “but what I want most is for her to honor me, to respect me, to look up to me.”
Honor holds in esteem the position and importance of a person even if his actions are not always honorable. As Romans 12:10 tells us, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (NIV)
Honor is a choice that is not always easy. Elevating another person above ourselves is unnatural—or rather, it’s supernatural—and it involves at least two elements…
The beauty of deference. Deference is a synonym for words like reverence, veneration, and esteem. My dictionary also says it “implies a courteous yielding…of one’s own judgement, opinion…to that of another.” Deference is putting another person first. It’s a sign of character, not compromise.
This past summer I spent one night at a bed and breakfast inn with a friend. Around the communal breakfast table the next morning our conversation was about this guy-thing of hogging the remote control. Each man acknowledged his reluctance to part with that little bit of power; each wife nodded her head and rolled her eyes.
Ron and I have the same struggle. One night, after we hooked up a new TV, he changed the channel with the new remote. I changed it back with the old one. The battle was on—we laughed, and finally I gave up. It wasn’t worth it. Deference means that it’s perfectly all right for me to remind Ron that I’m interested in a particular program, but it’s not a battle I need to win all the time.
The power of preference. A second way to honor is to show preference to our husbands. Aside from our relationship with Him, God set one relationship above all others: the relationship between a husband and wife. And it requires our preference.
When our children were little, I found it easy to say that I gave my husband preference but hard to live it out. Wrapped up in the daily tasks of caring for our kids—feeding, clothing, playing, comforting, teaching, listening—was the underlying assumption that Ron could take care of himself. At least he’d yell if he needed something.
Ron didn’t complain very much. He realized many things pulled at me as a mom, but putting him at the bottom of my list too often created a distance between us. These days we are working hard to rediscover some of the companionship and connection that distance took away.
For me, preference means making time for Ron, really listening when he needs to dream out loud. It means stocking the fridge with Diet Coke, making the coffee every night before we go to bed, and using Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise. It means, after all these years, I’d better figure out how to make that great crab cocktail his mom made for Thanksgiving.
To honor is to make a choice that is often difficult. Deference and preference don’t come easy, but when we understand honoring as a sign of character, not of compromise, we make a powerful statement to our husbands—and to the world.
Miss P