This is what we have to look forward to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
This is what we have to look forward to
5
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 10:59am

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An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
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A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a
wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

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ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.


A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me. "Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.


Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed
clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
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OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was

       ~~Rhonda~~


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 11:41am
These are great! I might have to pass these along to my folks and my MIL - they'll appreciate them!




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C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 11:52am
LOL....vewy scawy!

Live With Passion!


Phyllis

Live With Passion!

Phyllis

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 12:16pm
Laughed out loud - snorting and everything. Not pretty....

Thanks for these - needless to say, I've shared them with several others...

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 1:04pm
Those are hilarious!!!
Katherine (Kat)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 1:41pm
Loved these!!!

Miss P