In praise of "older" women & perks of
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-14-2003 - 4:58pm |
being over 40:
IF YOU ARE AT A MATURE POINT OF YOUR LIFE, YOU WILL TOTALLY RELATE TO
>THIS....ANDY ROONEY---THE MAN SURE KNOWS HIS WORDS.
>Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney
>Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of
>all. Here are just a few reasons why:
>A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
>"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
>If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around
>whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually
>something more interesting.
>A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what
>she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a
>damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
>Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at
>the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you
>deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get
>away with it.
>Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's
>like to be unappreciated.
>A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
>friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend
>because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't
>care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends
>won't betray her.
>Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
>woman over 30. They always know.
>A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of
>younger women or drag queens.
>Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her
>younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell
>you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
>You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
>Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
>it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of
>30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
>himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
>Ladies, I apologize.
>CURRENT PRAYER:
>Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the
>good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the
>difference
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run....anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc, Doc, Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent. (AKA Simon said WHAT?)
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you
to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not
amused, you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult
gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a
fieldtrip to Chippendale's.
: SIGNS OF WE'RE "OLD" IS WHEN
1. Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"and you
answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
2. Your friends compliment You on your new alligator shoes and you're
barefoot.
3. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the
garage door.
4. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
5. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to
go along.
6. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
7. "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
8. "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
9. An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
Rhonda
Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time disapproving of others.

Miss P
Funny!!!!
JazzerDeb--Dancing Queen
My personal page:
http://pages.ivillage.com/debra_wa/index.html
Lori