Called my parents yesterday....
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 03-22-2004 - 7:17am |
Dad eventually dropped off to catch the end of NASCAR (we'd talked for over 30 minutes), and I chatted with mom a bit more. At one point I mentioned that I hope I didn't hurt them with my letter - I figured she'd be the one bothered by it. She said "No, I didn't feel guilty at all. Your dad was the one who felt guilty! That's why we both are coming out later in the year." She did pull in one trip he'd wanted to take this year, but here's where it got weird as we talked a little more! She said "The way I see it, we've done our parental duties. Now it's your turn, and we're going to do what we want to do. Seeing you once a year is fine." I shared that the grandparents I know would be heartbroken if they got to see their grandkids only once a year, and added "I guess what the norm is depends on who your friends are. Since I didn't have active grandparents, I don't think you really understand what a wonderful part of a child's life a grandparent can be." The conversation drifted on to something else after that without malice. But is that not strange? "We've been parents, now it's your turn"? Totally missing that it doesn't have anything to do with being a parent, but enjoying a grandchild. She said when they can't get around as much to do their other traveling, then they'll probably will see us more - I told her that by that time Allison will have her own activities and I wasn't going to stop her from going to retreats and camps during spring, winter and summer breaks. Didn't register. Mom's boxing that up and storing it in the attic, fully expecting Allison to be just as receptive to them as grandparents 10 or more years from now. Who'd have thought it would've been my mom who didn't have the need to see her only grandchild? Baffles the heck out of me. I thought it was my dad going overboard with his new obsession and my mom going along with it. Not so, they're both sharing in this. How bizarre. It's a sure bet that Dan and I won't be absentee grandparents should we live long enough to see any grandchildren. Family relationships go deeper than that for us.
Since you guys have been with me on this, I figured you'd be interested to hear. But overall it was a great conversation.

Cussette
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Edited 3/22/2004 8:22 am ET ET by cussette

Yes, I agree it's not about being a parent as much as being a grandparent. I'm glad they are coming out this year, though. Also glad you had a nice conversation with both of them.
Hugs,
Kat
That is weird. I think your parents think your dd will stay little until they are ready to see her. (Hmm...your Dad felt guilty? Some of the message must have gotten through.) Oh, well, you tried and now you know what you will do when you are a grandparent. And...being a grandparent has nothing to do with being a parent...you are right there. Being a grandparent is enjoying and "spoiling" the kids. It is a special relationship as you see DD having with her fraternal grandma. So glad she has that special time with her.
It always surprises me when I get to see my grandchildren every couple of months and how much they have changed and grown. We may have another one on the way and I can't believe it how quickly the time went by.
Glad you do have open dialogue with your parents now. You may not be getting through completely, but at least you are talking. You did do the right thing and I hope you are more peaceful about the whole situation.
HUGS
Grace
Grace
fitness4health@yahoo.com
cl-grace_50 of the Lose the Last 10 board
Grace
fitness4health@yahoo.com
Hi Linda,
Several times I've started to e-mail you with some thoughts but never followed through because I don't have the answers your looking for regarding your parents choice to not visit more often but I do have a story to tell you.
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