Calling Lori!!

Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Calling Lori!!
15
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 12:32pm
Where you been hiding, lady? We miss you. Hope all is well.

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Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:30am
Hey there. I'm ok...sort of. Kinda blue these days. I got some not so good news from the doctor the other day and while it's not life-threatening, it is life-changing and I'm pretty bummed about it. I'll get over it. I haven't felt much like posting. It seems like I've lost my will to even care about what I eat or whether or not I go to Jazzercise. I'm missing my family, they're so far away. DH's family is driving me nuts...they're too close. DH is in another world with his online computer game...it's all he talks about or seems to care about these days. I'm feeling pretty lonely and depressed. I feel like I have all the problems in the world on my shoulders and I'm getting tired of it. I get no help with anything. I have to see to everything. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. Two weeks ago, someone stole our mailbox. Pulled it right up out of the ground and took off with it. DH said, 'I'll fix it tomorrow.'

Still no mailbox. Seems petty huh? Well, when you consider that he's like that about every darn thing it starts to build up. I love him dearly, but I would happily strangle him some days. Last night I was all set to go to yoga class and he gave me that, "oh, you're leaving again?" face and told me he misses me. So I canceled my reservation and spent the evening in front of the TV in the bedroom while he played his game. So much for togetherness. I guess he wants to have someone around to deal with the dogs so he doesn't have to take a break from his game.

I live in a pigsty. There is no living room, just one big pile of computer crap on the couch and my dining room table (which by the way was practically brand new when my parents gave it to me two years ago. It is now ruined from his computer building activities.) I can't even vacuum properly or well enough to keep the doghair down to a thin cloud. What time I have that I'm not at work or working out, I spend cleaning up or taking care of the dogs or running errands or doing things he should be doing in the first place. The bedroom isn't much better. It seems the more I clean and clear out, the more crap I have. My MIL brought us some really nice dressers for Christmas. They are the kind that you have to put together. They've been sitting in their boxes at the bottom of the stairs for 4 months now. He's still complaining about how crappy his dressers are.

Then I come here and read about all the positive things in your lives and about how we should all just look on the bright side of things or give it over to God. Well, excuse me but I don't feel so positive and I can't see a bright side from this angle. I'm tired, stressed out, sick with pain and heartache. It's all I can do to keep my head above water. I've never in my life been more convinced that there is no God than I am right now. And now I'm sitting at my desk telling my co-workers that the tears in my eyes are due to early-season allergies.

I'd like to have a goo day, but I don't see it happening. Thanks for asking. If you made it this far, you deserve sainthood.

Lori

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:40am

Oh, Lori I can feel the pain just reading your post. I feel so bad for all you're going through right now. I wish you were here to give a hug and to whisk away for some down time with "the girls." I don't know what to tell you about dealing with a chronic procrastinator. If you can't give him some kind of motivation or ultimatum to snap him out of it, the only thing you can do is work on coping with it. Not fair, I know. Is there one room where all his crud could be confined and just lay down the law about it MUST stay in there, so your house can be a home and things are not ruined?


I know it won't change things, but is it nice enough outside to take your lunch hour to go out and walk or something to get you out of the office and moving? That used to help me some when I worked.


I know you're not big on prayer, but I'm going to include you in my prayers anyway. Couldn't hurt... I was thinking about you last night and wondering if you'd gone on some kind of Jazzercise marathon ;-). Wish it were that instead of this situation.


Big hugs,

Rhonda


Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time disapproving of others.

       ~~Rhonda~~


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:47am
Big hugs to you, Lori!!! I'm so sad to read about how bad you've been feeling! I wish I could come out there & give you a big hug & help you out with things! You definitely need some TLC!!! I hope the doctor gives you some kind of plan to improve your health condition.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers - I love you too much to see you go thru this! I think you and dh need a good heart to heart talk. He needs to give you some help and support.

This may not be much help, but the least of my worries is the looks of my house - my housekeeping can be almost nonexistant for a couple of weeks due to work. If anyone comes by, oh well . . . they'll just have to understand. I know, it's not fun to look at our own messy dwelling, and eventually I have to put something else aside to clean or straighten up.

Right now, your health and well being are of utmost importance. Do you have any close friends out there to get together with and confide in? It is very hard to be without one's family - I know, I'm in the same boat. I'm here for you in email form or you can call me anytime!

Big hugs,

Kat

Katherine (Kat)
Avatar for imthebigsister
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 10:20am
My dear, I'm no saint and I read your entire post anyway. It's probably no comfort to you at all, but I'm sitting here sharing tears and damp tissues with you at my desk at work. I wish we all were closer so we could lend you something other than cyber-support. I hope you know you have that, in megabytes. And a whole lot of shoulders to cry on anytime.

I won't pry into the not-so-good news issue, except to say that I'm grateful it's not life-threatening. As for your DH's lack of support in any area, I can't say I understand it and I'm not going to excuse for his selfishness and insensitivity toward you. Harsh? Maybe, but typical of me. I apologize only to you for hurting you more. Please don't cancel your Jazz appointments anymore. If he's lonely, he's got no one to look toward but himself for the reasons. You need that time, to be away from home, for companionship among your classmates and instructors, and for a physical release from all the stuff you're feeling.

I understand your doubt about there being a God - I've never felt as you feel about your life right now, but I've had my doubts about God's being in the past. I'm still not the solid believer that many people on this board are, but I do believe He's out there, somewhere, guiding the paths of our lives. Maybe even misguiding them for whatever purpose He has in mind for us. But I do trust that the hard times are temporary and that there's a bigger reason for them than what appears to be.

You shouldn't try to handle the home stuff and your loneliness like it's no big deal. Obviously, it's becoming a major deal and too much for you to bear right now. I know you're not one to go running and weeping to a stranger about your worries and issues, and I understand the financial constraints you face, but have you considered counseling? If you can get past the issue of religion and faith, there must be a minister in a church near you who could provide you some counsel without you feeling like you're being converted. Is there a community counseling service available at low cost that you could look into?

And the last question - can you get away from home for a while for a visit with your family? Can someone meet you halfway so you can drive and not incur the expense of a plane ticket? It's so clear that you need that connection right now since everything else is so disjointed and overwhelming to you.

It hurts my heart to hear the sadness and hopelessness in your post. Know that I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best for you. No more pressure, but stay in touch.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 2:25pm
I made it that far because I truly do care about you.I can't change anything for you, but I can be here for you.Please know how much I care.

Miss P




 

Avatar for bootywhompus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 3:00pm
Do any of you know what I love about this place? A girl can come here, dump her goods off her chest and rest assured in the knowledge that her feelings are valid and accepted by others as real. I feel so much better just talking to you all and getting a decent, actual response to my voicing my feelings. Thank you thank you thank you.

I'm really tired. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow to plan my trip to CO at the end of June. I get to go see Mom. Yeah, I have to take the bus again, but I don't care. I just want to go.

Thanks again. You all are the best.

Lori

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 3:08pm

Lori-


I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad.

Live With Passion!

Phyllis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 4:35pm
Lori. There really are no words, except that I can relate. I send you huge hugs and lots of love and you can unload anytime! We would prefer that you do, if it helps.

I, of course, have to toss in that I didn't believe in Him for a long, long time, either until I went to a really low place...REALLY low. And there He was. And He's still pulling me, pushing me, prodding me, back up after all of these years. I love Him and I know that He loves you.

Hugs.

Sassy

 

                        

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2001
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:04pm
Lori,

My heart goes out to you and wish that there was something I could do for you besides just words. I'm so truly sorry that you are going through such a difficult time and hope that with time you'll be feeling better. Please know my thoughts are with you and that I'm thinking of you.

Hugs,

Susan

Avatar for ive_got_five
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2001
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:06pm
Lori, sending along some more hugs for you.

You are totally justified in feeling as you do. I can totally relate. I've come to the conclusion that some people don't mind living in constant state of "mess". My daughter is one of the them. She'll make every excuse in the book too, even though none of them wash! I'm sorry, but your dh has no excuse. He needs to get off his butt and help you out! Especially since you also work. Heck, I don't even work outside of the house, but my dh wouldn't dare leave it all to me!! Not if he ever wanted sex again!!! :o)

I think you need to have a heart to heart with him. If he expects you to stay home from Jazzercise, then he should be willing to shut the game down. Hey,....maybe he could help clean up some of his mess in that free time!!

Tomorrow's another day darlin'. Hope it will be a better one for ya.

Shar

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