Cussette really got me thinking with her

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Cussette really got me thinking with her
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Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:16pm

post on unrealistic goals. Also, the whole body image thing and self esteem and where is came from. Do you all know where you got your self esteem or lack of it from?


My mom was overweight and I remember thinking I wasn't going to be like that. I also was a perfectionist when growing up..didn't know if it was self imposed or parental influence with being the oldest and had to be the example. I remember believing I had to get all A's all the time and would make my parents unhappy if I didn't.


I also took dance lessons from the age of 3 and I remember being very young and noticing I was rounder than the other girls and felt fat. AS a teenager, I was miserable with how I looked and was crash dieting on and off.


My biggest fear was putting all of this on my kids, especially the girls. I thought I was hiding it, but they knew. I think they are ok with body image, but like the rest of us, they think they have problem areas. They are both around a size 2 depending on clothes. Guess what that does to my self esteem if they think they need help and I am between and 4 and a

cl-grace_50 

fitness4health@yahoo.com

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Avatar for ive_got_five
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Registered: 11-11-2001
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 3:40pm
A very interesting thread you've started here Grace.

I was thin for all of my life, (except when I was pregnant) until I hit 40 and had my two babies. I have my mother's build, slim but with large bones and she never gained weight until in her 40's either. She never *exercised* but did do a lot of physical things. The discussion of weight and body image never really came up at our house or even at school. I just don't recall it every being that huge!

I didn't *consciously* work at it, but I was a very physically active person. We lived in the country when I was a child and we would spend our weekends outside, playing in the meadows and forest that surrounded our house. As a child I always walked 1 1/2 miles home from school. In high school it was three miles (we were just outside of the line for the bus route). All of my friends would always complain that they were gaining weight and I realized back then that it probably had to do with the fact that I hoofed it home while they rode the bus!

I did exercise a bit after I had my first two children. I know the reason for this. My sister did not exercise after her two girls and her belly always looked like a bowl of jelly (even when she was slim). I did not want mine to look like that. I was back into a size 5/6 pants, six weeks after having my 3rd child. Of course, I smoked at the time and I think they may have had quite an effect in my weightloss. I'd reach for a cigarette instead of food!

Everything started going to hell in a handbasket when I got pregnant and turned 40. I quit smoking and was just a little shocked to see that my body did not bounce back after the pregnancy like it did in my 20's. I was not prepared for it. I thought that with breastfeeding and my regular activity my belly would go away, but it didn't happen. Then I got pregnant with Max and added a bit more on. When my belly protrudes (as it does now, though not as much), for me it's like advertising to the world that I haven't been taking care of myself and that's not acceptable to me. But, I haven't smoked for almost seven years and I would *gladly* be a few pounds overweight, than have that albatross around my neck weighing me down!

It's interesting what my daughters have picked up. Jen the youngest, was always active and slim as a child and teenager. Then the Crohn's was diagnosed, she lost a lot of weight, had surgery, then gained alot of weight. Now she is back to very thin, but complaining about. She would rather have some meat on her bones. No doubt if she was not ill, she would easily become overweight, as she definitely has her paternal grandmother's build and sweet tooth and she would no doubt put on the pounds. Heidi, my oldest, is very physically active (a runner), and very conscious about what she puts in her mouth. Although a bit shorter than me, I believe she has my metabolism and will have the same slender build until she hits the 40/50s.

Shar


Avatar for cl_grace_50
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 4:26pm

Thank you for sharing all of this information, Shar. So interesting to learn about others childhoods and formative years.


The belly thing...that was another thing that bothered me. My mom used to call it her overhang, and I inherited it. She had a 10 1/2 lb baby and my biggest was over 9 lbs. I also have olive skin and stretch marks are most prevelent in brunettes. My skin stretched so much as well as my ribs, I have stretch marks from breast to thighs. This skin will never tighten up without a tummy tuck no matter how much I exercise. It just hangs there and you can feel the muscles underneath. It is discouraging but I wouldn't trade

cl-grace_50 

fitness4health@yahoo.com

Avatar for imthebigsister
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 4:31pm
Food for thought, for certain. I don't remember "body image" being a topic of discussion as I was growing up. Every now and then there would be gentle teasing from family about me getting chunky, but it truly didn't bother me. Plus, whenever there was a growth spurt outward, there was usually a corresponding growth spurt upward, so things evened out pretty quickly. I was more a reader than an athlete as a kid, but apparently I got enough exercise with school phys ed programs; I went to the Y for swimming and other activities every Saturday, and ice-skated during winter on Sunday, but that's about it.

I do remember my mom complaining about feeling like she was "all bu^^ and belly", and she was probably well into her 40s when she started this. Of course, now she's a couple years shy of 80, and she's still complaining about it. She never was an exerciser, laughs out loud when I suggest that she check out the gym near her for senior fitness classes, and even now walks only sporadically. She says she gets tired. Of course she gets tired - she tries to do everything at once. At age almost 80, if you walked as far as she does when she does, and tried to go clothes shopping and food shopping at the open-air market near her house and haul it all home, you'd be tired, too. I keep telling her to spread her errands out, but she's stubborn. I don't know what her rush is in trying to "do it all" in one day.

Anyway, I digress. I think my relative lack of concern about "body image" growing up and up to now had a lot - a LOT - to do with the fact that I attended an all-girls' high school where the focus was on studies, college prep, and developing your brain, not competing for male attention by stupid dieting and wearing skin-tight clothing. Yes, we all noticed each others' clothes, and you couldn't help but notice the petite things with the cute little outfits on, but no one obsessed about it, nor was anyone teased or tormented if you were a bit heavier.

I wasn't much of an exerciser in my 20s and 30s. I did not learn good exercise habits from my mom (although she always encouraged healthy balanced eating - she just had a killer sweet tooth); those came later, after the BP diagnosis and the threat of cholesterol medication. I've done it with gentle encouragement from my husband and with my own determination to be as healthy as I can for the second half of my life. I've also done it so that I can be around and keep up with my niece and nephew as they grow up. Except for my father's early sudden death and heart disease showing up here and there, there have been long lives lived on both sides of my family - I may as well do what I can now to enhance the potential for long life by living it as healthily as I can with a smarter diet and keeping active before my joints all stiffen up, my pancreas stops functioning, and the flow of blood through my arteries comes grinding to a halt.

Having not had kids, I keep hoping there's some elasticity left in my abs to tighten up. I'm not looking for a taut, lean 6-pack; a not-so-jiggly 4-pack that stays in when I suck it in will do.

Donna

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 6:19pm
Interesting posts, here! I was a little like you, Grace, as far as the perfectionism in grades went. My mother was thin up until she had her 4th child at age 36. She's taller than I, at 5'5", while I am only 5'1 1/2". My mother, one of her sisters, and my grandma had big legs & of course I had to inherit that tendency!! My other aunt was fortunate to have long & slender legs & so did her daughter, my cousin, who is 1 month younger than I. I used to be envious of Jan, my cousin, when I was a teen. I can remember going from 65 lbs. in one summer to 90 lbs. when I returned to 7th grade in Aug. I was so self conscious, but it was all puberty & I had grown some in inches. My mom thought I was becoming anorexic as I would run around our house constantly!! My mother and I both went on diets way too often. We exercised with Jack LaLanne & Fran Carlton, went on the Stillman & Atkins diets! You can see why I loathe the high protein diets to this day!!! I had quite a few urinary tract infections & also bladder infections when I was a teen - always wondered if they were caused by dieting. Anyway, I really only had big legs back then. It was when I went to college that I gained the freshman 15 & started battling about 15-20 lbs. every year. Finally, at age 28, I gave up smoking cigarettes AFTER I got down to 108 lbs. I worked out 5 days a week & was in the greatest shape of my life. I kept my weight down to 108 for 2 years, even during the holidays! Then 30 came & we decided to make baby Danny. Well, I've been battling 20-30 lbs. since!!! After my divorce, I got down to 125 lbs. That's the smallest I've been since age 30. Last year, at this time, I got down to 128.

I truly like my body except for the legs. Now, I've accepted them & want to lose lbs. to get the cholesterol down and feel more energetic. There is just one thing I really need to change - I want to quit gaining weight during the winter!!!

Katherine (Kat)
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 9:45pm

I had a relatively good body image until a couple of years after I had Rob, which would have put me in my early 40's. I was always thin effortlessly, which is a blessing and a curse, because you develop really bad habits when you're young which are very hard to break when you're older. I was always very active outdoors as a child and athletic -- swimming, basketball, softball, cheerleading, and other sports.


My mom had a very good figure in her younger days, then became heavy during middle age, then took the weight off after she was older. I think she looks very good for almost 80, although she would easily pass for mid-60's. She's never been athletic or physically active, so I didn't get that from her, but I think I basically got

       ~~Rhonda~~


<

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Registered: 01-03-2001
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:51am
You know I read this post and thought and thought and decided I may actually be prety well adjusted on this whole body image thing.Wow, what a concept!!!

It was never a big issue growing up.I do however have a 5'8" twin which made me at 5'3' always feel short and somewhat chunky.She was so thin naturally and people used to actually make insensitive comments to her about it.About 5 yrs ago I stopped some medication for my migraines and my metabolism loved it.I dropped 10 pounds and could eat anything.I couldn't believe how people responded.Everyone had an opinion!All of a sudden I was the "tiny sister".It is amazing how much importance people put on your size.Anyway the 3rd or 4th time I hit 39 my body went back to it's normal weight.Although by then I was back to working out and my weight was back to normal but still maybe a smaller size.Can't say I'm thrilled with how it landed back on my waist and hips. And in all honesty I do miss that ability to eat whatever and not gain.I wish getting in my jeans was not such an ordeal some days.But I love the fact that my running makes me feel so good.More and more it becomes less and less about working out to lose weight, and more about being strong and healthy.Heavens knows I wish my waist were smaller but I love how my shoulders look when I stick with my weights. Right now I have to say I'm in a good place body image wise.I think alot of it has to do with being "39ish" ;)

Miss P




 

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Registered: 01-06-2000
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 9:10am
Interesting to see what my initial question has started here! I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

My mom had always carried around extra weight around her hips and thighs, but for the most part I took after my dad (extra weight sits on my stomach first!). I matured faster than my classmates - had pimples earlier, breasts earlier, a woman's figure earlier, etc. I was aware that I wasn't petite, but initially didn't have a body image issue. Like you, Grace, I was a perfectionist, especially in school. I was 14 when we moved overseas, and I attended an American school on a military base. That's a difficult age, anyway, and I didn't fit in - at all. Looks, personality, brains, choice of activities, etc., all of which I was painfully aware. I was a bit chunky, not overly so, but I made the effort to shed a few pounds and at least felt good about myself. When we got back from being overseas I became more obsessed with being a certain weight, but that did not include physical activity. I wasn't anorexic, but I'd go on those near-fasting diets dropping pounds whenever I thought I had put on too much. My menstrual cycle got messed up at one point, and after making a few phone calls, my mom and I sat down and talked, and that ended the near-fasts, my weight stabilized for a few years (thank you, Mom, for being so aware!). But I always had a belly! In college, I lost the self-control and put on weight, more than I should have, and that pretty much brings it to where my Fit In My 40s page (linked on my website) picks up.

Both my parents have put on weight in the last 20 years, my mom adding to what she was already carrying. Dad has since shed 30 pounds and doesn't need his cholesterol medication any more, but mom is still overweight and on all sorts of medication. Back in my teenage years, body image was about my control rather than about me becoming like my mom. Oddly, now is when I'm not wanting to follow in my mom's footsteps - but because of her health issues, not because I don't want to look like her. I don't want to give a foothold to ailments that could be a result of obesity.

I'm concerned about what Allison sees in me, which is another reason I want to exercise. I want her to grow up seeing that physical activity is important. Yeah, I "complain" about my tummy, but I inject humor into it, "Whoa, I can see that donut I had for breakfast" or Allison will beat my tummy like a drum... and I'll beat right along side her for fun. On the other hand, she shows me what she learned in gymnastics, we'll pump our muscles for each other (Allison loves showing off "how strong" she is), and she'll sometimes do some of the aerobic movements or exercises on my tapes with me. (I whine about my weight itself only to The Cus - and that's after holiday celebrations when *both* of us are complaining!) One thing I do NOT say is "I look fat". I'm picky about how dress pants fit me. Too many are loose in the wrong areas for me and they emphasize my stomach. But even then I don't say "Those make me look fat", because I know that there are styles that indeed suit me - I've found them before.

In short, I've longed for the body that I don't think I'll ever have, and apparently I still do, but as I said, I'm content with what I see in the mirror at this point in my life, and moreso with my strength and endurance. I hope that's sending the right message to Allison.












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Registered: 02-08-2001
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 9:42am
Interesting question Grace. I've always had self esteem problems, not concerning my weight because I was always petite and never had weight issues. I did have problems though about my appearance-I was the lone girl in the family who suffered from acne. Which I actually found out recently that some of the treatments I received as a teenager may now have caught up with me and may have played a role in this thyroid cyst thing. My friends, of course were all the girls with perfect skin and when there was a guy involved they would always be the one that got the dates and the boyfriends. I struggled with a lot of classes in HS and never reached my goals of what I wanted to do after high school. My parents were very anti college and didn't feel that a girl needed a college education. I did rebel a little and with the help of an inheritance from my grandmother I went away to a 2 year college and got my associates degree. I guess that's why I always tried to instill in my kids that there goals were always reachable and to believe in themselves and reach out for whatever they wanted to do, and to know that Mom and Dad would be behind them for whatever they decide to do.

Weight issues were never a problem. Even when I was a SAHM we lived in the city and I was always walking somewhere. And I could pretty much eat anything I wanted.I always lost the weight after the 3 kids and stayed at a consistent weight. Unfortunately a move to the burbs, a desk job, more driving to where I needed to go instead of walking, turning 40

changed much of that. Of course it took a number of years for that reality to sink in. I can't say that I'm totally unhappy with the body image or my appearance any longer as I feel that changes that I have made have really helped with that image. I will be turning 51 this year and feel that I really don't look all that bad. I've been able to maintain a weight that I'm happy with and clothes that are fitting a lot better than they used to. Could my jeans be a little looser-yep but I still feel like a work in progress. Obviously, I am more concerned with the health challenges that have presented themselves over the course of the year and have to figure out the best course of action to address those issues.

Avatar for cl_grace_50
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:53pm

"Anyway the 3rd or 4th time I hit 39 my body went back to it's normal weight." I love this line...and I especially like your attitude and how you feel about your body.


Grace

cl-grace_50

cl-grace_50 

fitness4health@yahoo.com

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Registered: 02-27-2001
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:03pm

This is a really interesting bunch of posts and it was fun to get to see this side of everyone.

Nancy

"Make Choices that bring you joy"  cl-Patty


 


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