Why Women Are Crabby

Avatar for cl_grace_50
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Why Women Are Crabby
1
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 1:33pm

Why women are Crabby:

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender,
blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty,
uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have
calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens
(or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we
get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our
legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even
know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or
not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a
ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and
didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to
wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live
on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire
day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are
(and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us
steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having
Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a
watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big
moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst
right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet
moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
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Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the
OB says, "Please stop
screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just
one more (or 10 ) good
push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to
punch the *****

cl-grace_50 

fitness4health@yahoo.com

Avatar for dmm11730
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 5:46pm
Thanks Grace, that was good. Worth printing and sharing with some friends.

Deb

Debbie