Bad at lunch; good at dinner (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Bad at lunch; good at dinner (long)
3
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 7:09pm

Our company picnic was this afternoon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 8:56am
Sorry you had a bad day and week, Mary, but I think you saw that hiding behind food isn't the answer either. You've mentioned Walter before, but I'm not sure you've ever really grieved for that. ... Have you ever tried just going home and crying solidly for 5 or 10 minutes to start the grieving process? I've been reading a number of articles in Prevention magazine from Geneen Roth who's written a number of books on emotional eating (her latest is The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It). She shares her own story, discovering that it was okay to cry and experience the depths of sorrow (or anger) - and that even though crying wasn't an end to itself, it was the beginning of knowing she wouldn't break like a porcelain doll when coming to terms with her feelings. She notes why food can't protect you:

  • The pain will still be there after the food is gone.

  • Eating only makes you feel full, not happy.

  • After you've eaten, you have two problems: the one you ate to hide from and your physical discomfort.

  • No matter how much you eat, even if you go on a month-long binge, the feelings will someday come back to haunt you.

  • Eating can't make illness, rejection, sadness, loneliness, or fear of death go away.


It's okay to experience negative feelings! And it's probably better for you than the food you'd otherwise eat in the place of feelings. As for you "choosing" to be happy, it's not about choosing an emotion. I don't know anybody who can pick an emotion and stick with it, LOL! Rather, it's choosing what you focus on for your emotional building blocks. You can choose to focus on Walter and the fact that you'll never have your feelings returned (depressing), or choose to focus on the 23 pounds you've lost so far and the fact that you now weigh less than you have in 20 years (upbeat) - and you're doing it with some delicious recipes (yummy)! You've got a wonderful self-image in your mind of you doing Riverdance. It's tough to keep it always in front, but it's always there for you to fall back on. I wish I had an image like that to keep focused on, but I don't.

I almost shared that blurb from Prevention as a general post two weeks ago, but for whatever reason, I decided not to. After reading your post, it's probably something we all need to read. I really want to see you beat all this Mary, and I'm trying to think of anything I've read to offer support and encouragement. If I'm saying the wrong things, just tell me to shut up and I will!












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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 4:34pm
Mary, I agree 100% with Cussette posting. I've visted the Preventive web site in the past, they have a lot of good information. I have found that the harder I try not to cry the worse it gets. So sometimes I will find a quiet place, if at work the restroom, and let the damn break. It doesn't make the problems go away but it does seem to help in being able to deal with them. Sounds like Walter is your best friend, there are different types of love. From what I've heard he does care deeply for you as a friend and sometimes that is what we really need.

About choosing to be sad or happy, well like Cussette said we really can't control our emotions. We can control how we react to them. Prayer helps me more than anything. Sometimes it is just a simple "God please help me!". If I focus on praying or meditation then it helps take my mind off of what ever is bothering me. Depression is hard to deal with but there is hope.

Hope you get to feeling better.

Alice - The Betty Boop

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 4:37pm

I'l just add my "ditto" to the other two.