Married, Living Separately: Would you?
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Married, Living Separately: Would you?
| Thu, 11-01-2007 - 3:41pm |
According to 2006 data from the U.S. Census Bureau, 3.8 million married couples don’t live in the same home. The official term is "Living Apart Together:" married couples who are not legally separated or divorced, but who live at separate addresses. Would you consider a living arrangement where you and your married partner lived in separate homes? How would you make it work? Or, if you wouldn't consider it, why not?



Miss P
I used to think I wouldn't
~~Rhonda~~
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I had totally forgotten how my parents lived apart for a number of years when I was in my late teens and early 20's. Mom got a very good job with the federal govt. in Crystal City, VA. She had worked for the govt. when we'd lived in MD years before that. So, we lived in Florida with Dad, and she got an appt. in VA. She came home for all holidays, and we'd go up there to visit her sometimes.
It worked OK for them, because they had a terrible marriage, one of those that is a how-to for how NOT to have a good marriage. I used to refer to it as the longest war in history. They've been married 63 years and have always been there for each other when they need to be. Now, they look like something out of "Love Story". Whoda' thunk it??
~~Rhonda~~
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Even though
Deb/MN
3 or 4 years ago, I'd have said an emphatic no. Now, I'm not sure. I love my husband, and he loves me, but we have have an issue that has consistently been an issue from very early on. It goes dormant for a time, but it is raging right now.
There are days, sometimes weeks, when I fantasize about being in my own apartment. DH spends a lot of time in his own head (not out of narcissism but because it's a comfortable place). So often, I feel like he doesn't even know I'm in the room. I think that it would just be better if we didn't spend so much time together with me feeling excruciatingly lonely.
I am going to start working full-time in January, and I have thought about saving up money for a small place of my own (and my own car - we have just one). I feel sometimes if we could just go back to the place we were before we married, it would be easier and we could possibly rebuild from there. I probably won't though, it's just in the back of my mind.
I can honestly see how it would work for some marriages for people to live apart and still be married. DH is one of my best friends and I love him more than words can describe, so the thought of not being married to him simply doesn't occur - I just want to get away once in awhile or have my own space. Maybe if I was absent more, he'd pursue me.
Judy
My answer is a big no.