Need some advise
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| Thu, 02-28-2008 - 9:27pm |
After an extraordinarly horrible day at work,a boss that I would have like to throw some form of poison into his beverage and then could have used a big shovel and a large hole for said individual, a cold and windy walk with Otto which I really hope he appreciated and ready to have an evening of quiet and then comes the next issue of the day....
DD and her BF are hosting an engagement party for themselves at the end of March. My oldest sister and I are 19 years apart. She was married while my mother was pregnant with me so obviously we never grew up together as sisters and honestly it took me a number of years before I realized she was my sister and not a relative that I rarely saw. She lived in Connecticut for most of her married life. She has 4 kids and only one of her children has maintained any contact with me. Her older daughter and I exchange Christmas cards and she has always invited us to her family functions. Obviously DD doesn't know my sister or her cousins. DD was trying to keep the party simple and I had suggested that when she invited my sister that she invite her oldest daughter since she has kept in contact and perhaps she would be able to bring my sister. Quite frankly I didn't expect that my sister would come since she's been in poor health for a number of years. Now the issue...my sister left a voice mail for my daughter that she would like to come but wanted DD to invite her sons and their wifes and they all could come down. How exactly do I respond to this? I may have been at fault for inviting one child and not the others but I can't undo that issue. My nephews have made no effort to keep in touch, in fact made no effort to keep in contact with my parents when they were alive and I quite frankly didn't even know when one of the boys was remarried. Even Christmas cards eventually stopped.
Do I call my sister and explain why one was invited and not the other? Or just tell DD to invite the other 4 since she's already had several people say they can't come. I feel bad doing that since she doesn't know any of them and feels that she's in a very awkward position. If I was hosting the party I would just invite them. But this isn't my party. My DD is angry that a message like that would be left for her which I don't blame her...and I think maybe my sister should have called me about it.
Any thoughts?
Susan

I think it's kind of nervy of your sister to request something that wasn't offered. Clearly, if you'd wanted all the kids and spouses
~~Rhonda~~
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"Make Choices that bring you joy" cl-Patty
Miss P
Lori
Susan,
It's a very bad situation to be put in... But here's my thoughts for what it's worth... As time passes people realize sometimes that they would have liked to get to know family better and this may be their way of getting closer.
Deb/MN
There's always someone in a family who will do something like your sister did, but
Donna
I think Rhonda said it right too. We actually invited only people who kept in touch to DDs' showers and weddings. I am at a point in my life that I invite only who I want
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to it until you get there.
Bob Proctor
This is what sort of sent me into the emotional melt down this morning. Because of her age and health that was forefront in my mind that it would be a happy occasion where everyone could be together and maybe that's what she was looking for. That's why I refused to make the phone call last night. I had to think things through. I only wished she had called me instead of leaving the message that she did on my daughter's cell phone. I truthfully can't imagine most of her kids wanting to make the trip but I can give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
When she was married the trip was always made by my parents to see them. They rarely made the trip to NY. There always seemed to be an excuse. A majority of that was due to the poor excuse of a man that she was once married to, but once that was behind her there still seemed to be an overabundance of excuses as well as children who didn't really pay much respect to the grandparents that were so kind to them over the years. That never sat well with me. But that's over and done with and past history and people can change as well as try to make amends for past behavior. I think my sisters and I all realize as we all get older that these opportunities are usually few and far between.
While I understood my daughter's position and the fact that her BF was picking up the tab for this party it was just a very awkward position for me. My daughter and I did come to an understanding and the invitations are being sent to them and I hope that it will be a nice opportunity for cousins who've never met or rarely see each other to enjoy a very happy celebration.
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Deb/MN
The relationship that means the most - yours and your DD's - is the one that matters the most, and you two are ok.
Donna