Men just don't get it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Men just don't get it!!!
16
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:53am
OK, am I unreasonable to be SOOOOO mad that I tried my darndest to make sure we didn't touch even an INCH last night while we were sleeping?? The story is, my BF and I have a VERY active sex life. He's in his glory cuz he used to have to BEG his ex-wife for anything. So, he's got this new thing now where he braggs to his friends about having to TURN ME DOWN cuz I want sex too much.. and he does it in front of me with the guys there... I get SOOOO offended and have told him several times that he makes me feel like it's a chore for him to have sex with me, and that night he had the nerve to tell me he think he's putting me up on a pedastool cuz he's letting everyone know ~I'm~ not satisfied?? I said, "NO, the guys think you are an idiot for not getting sex every chance you can get.. they'd be glad to be in your shoes. They are in your old shoes where they have to beg for it..." ANyway, he just DOESN"T get it.. and when he talks like that in front of the guys ...SAid last night "OH.. and when we get home, I am going to bed.. we are NOT having sex.. just so you know..." then he turns to the guys and says "What I rough life I have.. I get to turn the woman down for sex.." then turns to me laughing like I should be laughing with him.. instead, I am giving him the look and said "go ahead... make it colder at home...". I was SOOOOO flippen mad and still am. Why does this make me soooooo mad??? I should just blow if off and say "Oh, he's just joking" but I can't. If he thinks he's getting anything from me in days.. he can FORGET IT.... Do I have a right to be offended? Is that a "guy just being a guy?" do I need to lighten up??

AAARRRRgrgrgrgrgrgr!!!

Thanks for listening!!

~Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:00pm
I kind of find any talk "amongst" friends about sexual relationships disrespectful. His friends don't need to know what you two do in your bedroom nor the frequency. I would tell him he's stepping over boundaries and you feel disrespected when he talks about your sex life. You don't find it amusing.

Sorry you are so frustrated. Could be worse, you could be single like me and not getting laid at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:01pm
Umm, I think that's a guy for you. Finally he has exactly what he wants. You should be flattered in a sense, but tell him you prefer your/his friends to see you as a lady and keep what's between you and especially between the sheets to himself...atleast while you are there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:24pm

Aw, Pam...honey, I can see why you're so mad!

~~ Steffy ~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:50pm
Hi, Ladies...

I have talked to him about it. That's when he told me he felt he was "putting me up on a pedastool by letting everyone know he couldn't keep up with me and keep me satisfied..." And that's when I told him that the guys look at him like he's an idiot (and they really do.. some have even said "are you nuts, man??") and that's when I told him when he talks like that, he makes me feel like it's a chore for him to have sex with me and that he's making a mockery of our sexlife... I see that helped a lot.

I just went on a walk.. a great walk.. MAN.. I can walk the socks off anyone when I am mad. But that's just it, I am still madder than he**... I totally feel disrespected but when I tell him something he says/did upsets me, he always tells me that I am getting "too mental" about things and blowing them way out of proprotion and that I should lighten up... after all, he's "just joking around.." He completely invalidates my feelings. And I know, if this is all I have to worry about (until the next problem arises..) I should just lighten up and be thankful for what I've got.... but I am having such a hard time controlling this anger... I don't even want to go home. And I promised him I'd go to his softball game with him..(after all, I am his biggest fan..*sigh*)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:48pm

Actions speak louder than words. So, my two cents is as follows. The next time he says that, and he will. Just say calmly and sweetly, "don't worry honey, you won't EVER have to turn me down ever again". and leave it




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:56pm
Thanks, Cher...

I'm still so angry at this. I am welling up in tears right now. I think I've discovered why I am so angry... because I've done nothing but try to make myself more desireable (mostly for myself.. I'd never "diet" for someone else) but he's done nothing lately but make me feel less desireable. I feel like I am doing this hard work for nothing. One thing I didn't mention that he said the other day while we were out with friends..his buddy came over. He was out by himself that night. BF says "Are you flying solo tonight?" he says "yeah.. besides, you've got all the pretty girls over here anyway" (BF had his arm around me) and he says (inregards to me) Yeah, but I had to pay $50 for her to stand here with me (then points to our other friend who's MUCH more attractive than me) and says "BUT LOOK AT HER.. I HAD TO PAY $100 for HER..." I just looked him square in the eye and said "That's real F'in nice of you to say that in front of me..." Then he tries to make up and tell me I should know he'd always pick me over her... WHATEVER... I just get sick of him making me the butt of his jokes in public.. but don't worry.. I have a plan to get him... next time he says something about getting to turn me down, I am going to PROUDLY say (and it HAS happened) "OH HONEY.. I always thought you turned me down cuz were so afraid you couldn't get it up like the last 3 times..." Uh huh.. that should shut him up.. and then when he's mad at me for divulging that info.. I'll simply tell him "I asked you once before to NOT make a mockery of out sex life. You couldn't handle that and respect my wishes and take my feelings into consideration... then why should I worry about you..." He couldn't say a DARN thing about that... *sigh*.. it's sad that I even have a reason to feel angry like this. It should have never happened a second time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 3:20pm
There seems to be a lot of animosity. Why does he do this when he clearly knows it upsets you? That isn’t having any regard for your feelings. Also, you are working damn hard for YOU!!! If he doesn’t starting acting right and fly right after you lose the weight maybe you should lose the 160 lbs attached to you…not trying to be mean but this guy is pissing ME off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:09pm
ok, let me just say: the guy's a jerk. He'd better be darn good in bed for you to keep putting up with the jokes! I would either find someone who will keep up with you and be grateful about it or tell the BF he's gonna have to go back to begging! I know it isn't easy to hear this about a BF and if he makes you totally happy otherwise, then just ignore all my advice, but it is definitely not a good thing to have a guy joking about your looks or sexuality. It's so sad that there are men out there who have to beg for sex and yet those who get more than they can handle just take it for granted?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 8:27am
Well, I think that's what makes this hard.. he really does make me totally happy otherwise... And well, he is FANTASTIC in bed. That's part of the reason I have a hard time resisting. Just being next to him.. Geeeese... He tries so hard with the little time he has. Last night, he got invited to a party on Saturday. I won't be home. I asked him if he was going. He told me he'd rather stay home and get the laundry done and surprise me when I got back from visiting my mom... the fact that he even thought about that means something... He tries. He just doesn't know when to quit. I really think he thinks he's being funny... I am going to talk to him. VERY seriously. And I am going to tell him that he has to understand me completely. BUT, talking to him on that level is an art. I need to find the PERFECT... and I do mean PERFECT time to do it. Otherwise, he won't "hear" me... He'd hear my words, but not the message I am trying to give. So, when the time strikes, I'll talk to him.

Thanks so much everyone... you all are sooo great... I feel much better today. We were out with "the guys" again last night and he didn't say anything rude... That's a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 9:10am
Next time he makes a comment - wait until the next evening and tell him some one over heard his comment about turning you down but they would be more than willing to pick up the slack. Not mature but it mey get him to think before he speakes. Also you could tell him you are getting nasty comments because they think you are less than a ladie. Or slap the crap out of him.

Best of luck

Robyn

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