Ugh, and my plan
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| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:27pm |
So I went to the gym to go to spinning. Class was great. But the verdict is that I gained this week instead of lost and am up to about 155 lbs. Now I know that is not tragic for someone who is 31 yrs old and is 5'8, but it seems like a lot to me. My highest (not counting pregnancy) was about 160 after college. I was 135 7 yrs ago when DH and I got together. I was 158 last January when I started freaking out about my weight and I was 141 in April of 2003, which is where I feel like I want to be.
So i'm trying not to be neurotic and to come and get support here so that I don't go nuts in my head, which I am prone to doing these days! So this is my plan: oatmeal for breakfast. Veggies and protein for lunch. Healthy dinners. Fruits for snacks. I just have to do it. I believe I can knock off a couple of pounds quickly, and then at least some of my clothes will fit. I just can't be more than 150 with my current work wardrobe and I don't like to be more than 148. I know it took about 2 months to put this weight on and it could take as long to get it off. I have no idea how long it would take to lose 14 lbs in a healthy, maintain-able way.
I don't like how I look right now. My belly is really protruding over my jeans. And then I know, like I said, that it's not that big a deal. And I listen to these young, fit women at the gym talking about their weight and they all look terrific to me but they are complaining about their "fat" and it bums me out that healthy, fit women even think they are too heavy.
I know I have to watch what I say because one day I was complaining to DH about how "yucky" I look and Sam was sitting there and started crying because he overheard and he said "Mommy's not yucky!" and then later that night he came over and put his hand on my leg and said again "Mommy's not yucky" like he was trying to comfort me. I can't bear the thought of making him neurotic! What a sweet kid.
So, hopefully I can stick to my plan and hopefully this time it will actually work. I don't know quite what else to do.
I've already had 48 oz of water today and am about to do 16 more...and only one cup of coffee this AM!
Thanks for listening.

Sounds like a good plan to me... minus the neuroses!!
Does that make sense?
My mom was always very focused on weight, and even developed an eating disorder while I was in college. I didn't realize just how much that all rubbed off on me. I know I need to let some of it go - that 5 or 10 pounds does not make much of a difference in my life overall, that I am healthy and actually pretty fit - I'm jsut really struggling with it right now.
And I am honestly a little concerned about the business trip because we are going to be eating in airports at weird hours. I think I will jsut bring some food, and also just try to eat really well this weekend so that if the only choice is McDonalds I can live with it.
I can understand all that...it's a whole lot easier to say 'don't let it get to you' than it is to not really let it get to you.
Erica I'm sending big hugs your way.
Erica --BIG HUGS-- being sent your way! It really does sound like a lot is getting to you at the moment, I seem to be right there with you this week. Do you realize that there was a full moon this week? That always sends people off, in a weird sorta way. Moons are very much respected down here- heck I even went to a full moon party last weekend, lol! Anyway...I'm just suggesting
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Fear
I hope Monday is better for you. My plan has been out of control lately but I am hoping today is the start of control coming back.
Keep your chin up
Robyn