Ugh, and my plan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ugh, and my plan
7
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:27pm
Well, today hs been a real up and down day. I was in a pretty good mood this AM (nice night with DH last night!) but then someone here at work asked if I was about to tell them I was pregnant. Of course, I interpreted it as: You Look Fat instead of someone knowing that DH and I have been talking about it etc etc. So I got all upset and called DH and he said that maybe we should wait on ttc until I lose some weight so that I can feel better about myself. So that bummed me out, too, even though I know he is probably right.

So I went to the gym to go to spinning. Class was great. But the verdict is that I gained this week instead of lost and am up to about 155 lbs. Now I know that is not tragic for someone who is 31 yrs old and is 5'8, but it seems like a lot to me. My highest (not counting pregnancy) was about 160 after college. I was 135 7 yrs ago when DH and I got together. I was 158 last January when I started freaking out about my weight and I was 141 in April of 2003, which is where I feel like I want to be.

So i'm trying not to be neurotic and to come and get support here so that I don't go nuts in my head, which I am prone to doing these days! So this is my plan: oatmeal for breakfast. Veggies and protein for lunch. Healthy dinners. Fruits for snacks. I just have to do it. I believe I can knock off a couple of pounds quickly, and then at least some of my clothes will fit. I just can't be more than 150 with my current work wardrobe and I don't like to be more than 148. I know it took about 2 months to put this weight on and it could take as long to get it off. I have no idea how long it would take to lose 14 lbs in a healthy, maintain-able way.

I don't like how I look right now. My belly is really protruding over my jeans. And then I know, like I said, that it's not that big a deal. And I listen to these young, fit women at the gym talking about their weight and they all look terrific to me but they are complaining about their "fat" and it bums me out that healthy, fit women even think they are too heavy.

I know I have to watch what I say because one day I was complaining to DH about how "yucky" I look and Sam was sitting there and started crying because he overheard and he said "Mommy's not yucky!" and then later that night he came over and put his hand on my leg and said again "Mommy's not yucky" like he was trying to comfort me. I can't bear the thought of making him neurotic! What a sweet kid.

So, hopefully I can stick to my plan and hopefully this time it will actually work. I don't know quite what else to do.

I've already had 48 oz of water today and am about to do 16 more...and only one cup of coffee this AM!

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:48pm

Sounds like a good plan to me... minus the neuroses!!

~~ Steffy ~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 3:04pm
No, it's not my TOM. I just really am sensitive and neurotic right now. it's just everything put together - stress at work, stress about the state of the world, not quite being sure what is up with our plans for ttc - and I think that to a certain extent I almost need to be sensitive about this so that I can feel like I have some control over something since everything else feels a little out of control? Or maybe it's feeling down that I felt that I was in better control of things and now am so off target. I know rationally that I shouldn't be upset with myself for gaining weight - I put it on, I can take it off - but I feel let down, like I failed at something. And there is the sort of desperate need to be able to fit into my fall clothes since it is going to be chilly next week here. I honestly am not sure what I will wear unless I can lose some of it.

Does that make sense?

My mom was always very focused on weight, and even developed an eating disorder while I was in college. I didn't realize just how much that all rubbed off on me. I know I need to let some of it go - that 5 or 10 pounds does not make much of a difference in my life overall, that I am healthy and actually pretty fit - I'm jsut really struggling with it right now.

And I am honestly a little concerned about the business trip because we are going to be eating in airports at weird hours. I think I will jsut bring some food, and also just try to eat really well this weekend so that if the only choice is McDonalds I can live with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 4:36pm

I can understand all that...it's a whole lot easier to say 'don't let it get to you' than it is to not really let it get to you.

~~ Steffy ~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:01pm

Erica I'm sending big hugs your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 7:20pm

Erica --BIG HUGS-- being sent your way! It really does sound like a lot is getting to you at the moment, I seem to be right there with you this week. Do you realize that there was a full moon this week? That always sends people off, in a weird sorta way. Moons are very much respected down here- heck I even went to a full moon party last weekend, lol! Anyway...I'm just suggesting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 2:51pm
I'm sorry things have been so up and down for you lately.

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Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:22am
Erica

I hope Monday is better for you. My plan has been out of control lately but I am hoping today is the start of control coming back.

Keep your chin up

Robyn