What am I doing wrong?
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| Sun, 06-05-2005 - 6:24am |
Dear Friends,
I'm currently cutting down portion sizes and watching my water intake. My kidneys have failed so I'm on a very restricted diet. I have to watch the following levels : protein, salt, phospate, water and potassium.
So there are a lot of things I'm not supposed to eat and a lot of things that I can only have a limited amount of. I can't take cheese, certain vegies and certain fruits because of the potassium level. Cheese I can't take because of the salt and phospate, I think.
While I can't cut out rice and noodles, I do try to eat less of it or none of it if there is any vegies that I can have. My Mom does the cooking so I can't really choose to follow the south beach diet. I bought the book and am rereading it but I can't follow it 100%.
I earn minimum wage, that's why I can't afford to do my own cooking and I still live with my parents. I'm really disillusioned because I'm already 32 but don't earn enough to save a penny to my name, in fact, I even owe my Mom money. I have a degree in IT but I can't make use of it anymore because it's outdated and I'm not competent enough to earn my keep in IT. It's just too difficult to work in IT. I have held several jobs in IT in different areas but I wasn't able to perform satisfactorily so every IT job I held, I eventually lost.
I only studied IT because my Dad wanted me to. I actually wanted to be a botanist. But now, the money is spent and I can't earn enough to support myself. The worst thing is, my parents sold a very large and valuable house to put me through Uni, and for a very cheap price. So, I feel very guilthy for causing my parents to lose that large and valuable house. And now, I can't pay them back either. It's all my fault and I'm not even making use of my degree now, it's all wasted on me.
Sometimes, I feel like killing myself because I feel so useless. My Mom doesn't help either, as she's always reminding me of how useless I am. I love my parents and would like to earn enough to contribute to household expenditures but I don't earn enought. Currently, I let my Mom have half my pay but it's still not enough as I earn so little. I can't even save money because I earn so little.
And I'm so fat and I can't even afford to join a gym, even if I did join a gym, there are certain exercises I can't do and I can't lift weights because I had an operation on my right arm to enable dialysis and lifting weights on that arm will cause the thing to burst. So, right now, I'm walking every opportunity I can but I'm still not losing as much and as fast as I want to.
Right now, I've hit a platuea and no matter what I do, my weight is still not going down. What am I supposed to do? With my life and my weight! Please help!
Hugs,
Elaine

Elaine-- It really sounds like life is tough for you at the moment, and it's difficult for you to see light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's there....
I'm going to pass on some useful links for you to browse through:
From the sound of your post you suffer from depression and low self-esteem, there's a message board for Depression Support here in iVillage (not that you won't find support and love from the other posters here, but there are posters over at that board who will have more knowledge as to what you can do to help yourself, etc...) http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhdepression
Here's an article on living with depression- http://health.ivillage.com/mentalhealth/mhdepress/0,,7klbcxrw,00.html
And one on thinking more positively, this one has steps to help steer you in that direction- http://health.ivillage.com/mindbody/mbhappy/0,,hres_qlqq,00.html
26 ways to be happier- http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/you/life/articles/0,12840,284489_430576,00.html
Thinking of you, and hoping that the above links will help in some way
{{{HUGS}}}
*** Moderation Is Key ***
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In a small way, I understand you. I'm 32 and almost a registered dietician, so I know about the food restrictions (for kidney ailments) and yes they are quite difficult to adjust to.
It took me forever to finish my degrees. About 11 years total and my parents helped me out big time. I currently live with my boyfriend of almost 7 years and am unemployed. I'm not worried about finding work, but I am worried about not measuring up to my employers expectations. I also feel bad that I'm not pulling my weight financially right now. My parents keep giving me money I wish they would spend on themselves. I am their eldest child and yet they still feel they need to help me out when money is tight.
Also, I have 25 excess pounds to lose and I'm having a difficult time since I have difficulty staying active. In my case, I have a rare muscle disorder. It makes my muscles very, very stiff all the time. This makes it difficult to stay warmed up when I exercise. The day following a big workout my stiffness worsens (more than it would for a person without a muscle condition). Still, I have managed to workout in the past and I feel I have no excuse to be lazy now, especially considering the field of work I'm about to enter.
You are doing well, if you are walking regularly! Be proud of the fact that you are active. So many people have less excuses than you and they spend their days on the couch complaining about their excess weight. Slow and gradual weightloss is the absolute best way to go. The old saying easy come,easy go really applies here. Also, plateaus are to be expected and are normal. It means your body is adjusting and it's usually due to water retention. Plateaus are usually followed by a sudden drop in weight if you don't give up and stick with your eating and exercise plan.
Please, stay focused on your goals (healthwise and financial). There is a way out, you just need to stay focused and positive and ignore the negative comments from your parents.
I really hope things improve for you soon!
I will think of you next time I go for a walk. Gosh if you can find the strength to keep moving, I should try harder too.
DD
Dear Elaine,
It feels like you are in a bad mood lately, and you shouldn't.
Almost all of the things you've mentioned, are in your hands.
First of all - the diet. You can eat more veggies, put spices instead of salt, and eat less red meat and more chicken (I am veggetarian but I guess you're not ;-) ) Cut fish like tuna, and balance carb' and others int' of your food.
Once someone wrote here that she saw a very fat man walking down the hill. After a while she saw that he had dropped a lot of pounds and could climb back. I did that and lost a lot. Try to do it, starting 15 minutes each day.
You can tighten your body by doing small movements even on the bus/subway.
And above all - if you fill like nothing is in your controll, it's time to do take yourself together and DO FOCUS ON THE ONE THING YOU CAN WHICH IS YOUR WEIGHT.
You can tell your mom that you like hew cooking but the DR. told you to eat small servings. (Oh, and tell this to yourself too. Especialy when it comes to things that might hurt your kidney.)
Another thing,
you know that my parents had save money so I could go to university. I studied a field in which I didn't earn much.
Now, after having 3 kids (and I'm only 31-32), I go and study IT, SYSTEMS and NETWORKING MANAGEMENT. I know that in the future you would find the way and time to do something you like more and things would turn around. There are moments in life when everything looks bad, and others of joy.
Don;t focus on the bad.
If you feel like talking to someone at night, I live on the other side of the palnet so we could mail each other. (it's morning here when you go to sleep)
(june007@gmail.com)
Good luck
We are all here for you.
June
Oh elaine I can totally relate, I live alone and it's a constant struggle every month, I just went grocery shopping, I had 39 dollars to go and buy for 2 weeks worth of food. I ended up going over so I had to call my dad and tell him not to cash the 15 dollar check I just sent him, so humiliating, I too am 32 and it's a daily struggle to eat healthy on such a small budget and keep paying all my bills. I don't save either and every month its like roulette on which bills are more important to pay.
This is what I bought for groceries, two bags of romaine lettuce, a pint of bluberries, 3 plums, a bag of grapes, 1 pint of cherry tomatoes, fat free feta cheese, 3 yogurts, 1 bottle of diet gingerale, two boxes of green tea, 1 steak and that's it. 46 dollars and it has to last me for 2 weeks until I get paid again.
What part of the country do you live in??? I live in New England so in the winter it's difficult to walk outside, so I use tapes, you can get exercise tapes on half.com for very cheap that you can do at home with a VCR.
If your mom is telling you that you are useless, why not sit down with her and say, mom I am having a really difficult time right now and when you say these things to me, it makes me very sad and I feel like dying because I really appreciate all that you have done and do continue to do for me and I want to show you but money is so tight right now, I need your support emotionally.
Also, look into going to something like TOPS which is more of a support group type atmosphere for overweight individuals, they usually have them in church basements and such.
Hang in there hun..some of us have the same struggles that you do, it's really tough and not easy at all, although many people would believe it just takes will power, but it doesn't, it takes a great support system, a good amount of money to buy healthy foods as well as motivation and energy.
HUGS!
Dear Sally,
Thanks for your reply, it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.
I live in Malaysia, right on the equator, so it's really hot and humid over hear. I sleep in an air-conditioned room every night, otherwise, it's too hot even to sleep......
I live with my parents, otherwise, my salary won't be enough for my food even. I really worry about what will happen to me when my parents leave this world.....my Dad is close to seventy but he's still working full-time, all because I can't earn enough; he should be enjoying his golden years now but he's still working because of me.....sometimes, I just want to curl into a ball and cry!
I work as an Administrator for The Malaysian SLE Association. SLE is the disease I have that cause my kidney failure. What do you work as? You can e-mail me here : elaine_voon65@hotmail.com
Hugs,
Elaine
Elaine, I think that IG is right, perhaps you can check out some supports at the boards she mentioned.