What would you do?
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What would you do?
| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 12:08pm |
Not to sound melodramatic but I have kind of found myself at a crossroads and would really like to make the most of it.
So I've been thinking about things I might like to do. Things for me not for my children or husband. However, I've been a wife and mom my entire life and not even sure what I really "like" to do.
So my question to you all is: If you could do anything what would it be? It could be something for fun or a huge life changing thing.
Things I've thought about:
- Taking a class on whatever looks good to me. Doesn't have to be job related or anything.
- Take a fitness class.
- Look for a new job.
- Run a 5k (I lose interest in this one pretty quick) lol
Let me know what you would do. I'm hoping to get some ideas flowing for myself.


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Gretchen I think I know how you feel, and I think you don't have to limit yourself to one thing.
That's a good idea, make a list and work through it. I know I don't want to limit myself and feel like I really have to make a conscience effort not to do that.
So when you've tried things that have taken you out of your element so to speak were those good experiences?
For example I want to take a yoga class but know it's going to be mostly women and the intimidation factor isn't there for me. However, there are things I'd like to do but I'm more intimidated by them because I have no clue about them or the type of people that do them. How do you get past that intimidation factor.
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This is such a good thing Gretchen. Why? Because, when I was on the divorce boards, the first thing MANY women had issues with, was figuring out who they were. Because for years they had been "wife to xyz" or "mom to abc,def,etc". They were never THEMSELVES and/or they forgot who they were.
That's one reason I would never write, wife to K or mom to miko. although yes, I have dog mom up there. lol. I don't want to pidgeonhole myself. And by saying you're a wife or mom, you are doing just that. You set yourself up for playing those roles and forgetting about yourself.
So, congrats on wanting to find yourself, without having to go thru a nasty divorce.
AS for the intimidation factor, I'd do research on the subject, talk to people who may do it. Do you work? Maybe ask around your work, talk to other women (or even men) about the class. Maybe even schedule to go with them. And lastly, I would go to the gym, or place you want to check out, and ask if you can watch a session. To see what sort of things you'd be required to do. I know those sorts of things, althoug still intimidating for myself, helps me to just go do it.
Lastly, do anythign you want. Try everything once. AFter I got divorced the second time, I wanted to get out of my shell because EVERYONE kept telling me I was anti-social. So, there was this group I'd inline skate with sometimes. They do other things. They planned a horse-riding trip. I knew none of those ppl, but because I had seem them, I decided to go out of my comfort zone and go. I went. Alone. Knew no one. Got lost. Never rode a horse. Etc. And the trip was about 5 hours long. We even had dinner. I tried to talk to whomever I could. forced myself. I am very proud of myself for doing it. And for doing so many things I never would've because of my "role" I was in. The horseback riding was just the beginning. I tried many things after that (not alone as much). And I'm always willing to try new things. So, shoot for the heavens above, and maybe you'll find a star you enjoy enough to becmoe a passion.
BTW, when K and I broek up, I started reading again, working out, learning how to knit. I stopped surfing so much. I talked on the phone again. Now that we're back, I see myself falling into a pattern again. So, I'm breaking out. lol. I'm learning to do things w/o him again. I'm learning to stop making my life fit his. and vice versa. :)
Good luck. Don't let intimidation stop you (as if i'm one to talk, that's why i don't go to the gym, lol).
This sounds like a fun new avenue to take! It's so easy to lose your true self when you are a mommy. I have only been at it for 6 years but I also feel at times that I need to "find" myself again!
Some things I would like to do:
*Take a dance class, I don't care if it's ballet or ballroom, I have always wanted to do one type of dance moderately well. I get so jealous watching dancing with the stars, and even my dd's ballet instructor! Silly I know, but it's always been a dream of mine since I was a kid.
*Play the piano. This is just like the dancing. I love music and always have so why did I never learn to play an instrument. It's a left over dream from childhood.
*Draw. Do I see a pattern here? I loved to draw when I was younger but as I got older I was steered into science classes.
Major career change: I am a nurse. I chose nursing because I was young, and was talked into it by family. Everyone in my family is in the medical profession in some way. I wanted to be a teacher but I was told they didn't make a lot of money and it was hard to find a job in that field and I was heavily discouraged. 10 years later I know I should have listened to my heart. I don't enjoy nursing at all and I have come to the conclusion if you are going to spend 40 hours a week away from you home it should be something that you like to do or life won't be as happy as it should. I would love to return to school and become a middle school science teacher or kindergarten teacher. Especially with my oldest who started school this year and volunteering at her school, it's come home to me that I chose wrong.
*In general I am going to try to follow my heart more. I think God gave me everything I needed when I was born. I even had a preference for fruit and fresh veggies (like spinach!) that my family worked out of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but they smothered butter on everything and wouldn't listen to me when I told them I didn't want butter, they made chocolate everything and I didn't like chocolate, and I use to want to pick the veggies off of the pizza, eat them, then pull the cheese off and not eat it, then eat the bread part. I know it sounds silly, but I can see that I had a natural taste for healthier food that was discouraged.
My parents weren't mean by any stretch but I think they just didn't think certain things through wrt me as a person and overall health. They didn't encourage excersise (I loved swimming!), they thought anything that wasn't science and math related wasn't worth anything, and now they all have health and stress issues and are on medication for it. They are too young for medication (50s!). Meanwhile I have developed a taste for "butter", "chocolate", and "cream sauces" as well as have no musical or artistic outlet for stress, but I do excersise now and then! In general I need to believe in myself more and not substitute other peoples opinions for my own.
We have a kids center where I live and they teach kindy and preschool as well as have dance, gymnastics, swimming, karate, and much more. I can't think of a better job than working there and knowing enough basic from one of the athletic classes to be able to teach kindy or preschool plus one of the *basic* athletic classes for the preschool or kindy age group. That would be my dream come true! I have never told anyone but this board that! I guess it's one of those things that you want so much that you are afraid if you start telling people they will either think you are silly or it will jinx it and it won't come true. When my youngest is in school full time I think I will start working on the major goals!
Thanks so much for sharing!
I think ball room dancing would be fun. Have you seen Shall We Dance with Richard Grere??? I too have a desire to do something artistic but just haven't found my niche and, of course, always let the kids particularly when small discourage me because how can you do anything with a 2 year old. lol
I have always wanted to be a teacher too! A non traditional one though. Would like to teach literature to any or all ages but don't want to be in a middle school or high school environment. Would like to work with people/kids who actually enjoy learning. I have 3 belligerent teens and can't imagine spending an entiree day with ones I'm not even related too. lol
I agree our families sure do play a roll in how our lives are played out. I know my parents didn't push any of us kids to do anything. If we quit that was okay. So I have a huge problem following through on anything to this day.
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Thanks for the encouragement Cher!! That is my goal to not go back to the way things were or the way I was. Still trying to wrap my mind around not living my life for someone else.
I agree and mean no disrespect to the women who chose to do the whole "wife to... Mother of..." thing but I'd rather be known as Gretchen. Always figured the women who chose to do that are getting something from their husbands and family that I don't get.
Sounds like you have a lot of interests. Start following them one at a time. Maybe you'll find a new passion. :) BTW, after going to a therapist, and talking with her about me being anti-social, she said one thing that helped me a lot. She said, "tell you friends to put a sock in it an start accepting you as you are, not as they want you to be". and I was like, whoa. But it was nice, for once, to have someone, a therapist to boot, NOT tell me to push myself, force myself, take pills, etc, so I can be more outgoing. I have since embraced my anti-socialness.....and you know what I found out? I have an easier time knowing I accept me, and that SOME of my friends accepted me too.
And yes, if you overcame the gym, then you will be fine. Are you the one that has to walk thru the courts to get to the bikes/treadmills? Sorry, I tend to get ppl mixed up. If you can do that, you can do anything (at least in my book).
BTW, finding a place that's least intimidating is good too. i.e. I took aerobics at my city's local rec center. It was in a big room. No mirrors, no windows that ppl could look in at. I felt the most comfy there. However, when I did kickboxing, I wasted a lot of money, cuz the window facing the street is HUGE and OPEN and well, it's in a shopping center, so there were always a lot of ppl watching. and a big mirror too. yuck. I never went. I realized, that's why i don't like the gym. too bright. too many mirrors and windows. I don't want to be seen. And that's why I'm good at going to my apt. gym and working out. no lights, no one there....even though there is a lot of windows. lol.
good luck on whatever you choose.
At this exact moment, my answer would be to run away, start all over, a new life. But in reality, I would kind of start over. I would look at getting some education in an entirely different field than what my degree is in. I would work toward becoming a physical therapist. I may look at the smaller goal and work toward becoming a personal trainer after things sort themselves out with SO's sister, the wedding, the trip to FL...all that stuff.
I liked the running a 5k idea. I tried that last year, and I found it to be very uplifting to actually achieve a goal in such a viable way - to actually cross a finish line. If your interests lie in that area, you could do a charity run/walk, then you'd be doing double the good. You could do that whatever you decide, since it would be exercise.
I think though for what you are talking about, I would look into some kind of classes. Something that you may have found yourself always wanting to do. That way, you can invest as much or as little in it as time or money allows,
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I have lots of things I'd love to do. I actually have most of them at the 43 things website. Here's the link http://www.43things.com/person/bobswife There are all sorts of folks with every goal imaginable. That may give you some ideas.
My top thing to do right now, besides losing weight, is finding another job. My top fun thing is going skydiving. I have a friend that will go with me but she just had a baby a few months ago so she needs to wait a little longer - as she put it - "till the baby no longer drinks from the boob" LOL! She's a riot!
Hope that helps.
Ann
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