skinny friends, gotta love em

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
skinny friends, gotta love em
12
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 2:30pm

My four closest girl friends, the 4 I see constantly and keep in close touch with are tiny little things. I was once tiny too. Until about 4 years ago when I slowly started putting on weight.

My skinny friends will sit there and dog themselves about "how fat they are getting" when they are a size 2!! I really would like to know what are they thinking when I'm sitting there at 175 lbz size 13/14?????

They don't think b4 they speak and I know they mean no harm but it is hard enough now being the "fat friend" which is exactly how I feel.

I have a vain side too. I've taken very good care of myself with the exception of this weight gain. My friends are also very vain. One of these girlfriend's of mine even replied to me after saying how I was finally back at the gym "oh good Jen because you have such a pretty face.." why didn't she just stick the knife all the way in and continue saying "too bad your such a whale."

I would never allow them to know that they get to me. I just want to know how you other gals cope with the "skinny" friends and co-workers in your life. How do you keep your self esteem up when around them knowing that your close to 2x's there size??

It is getting to the point where I'm hardly going around them right now til a lot of the weight is off. No good huh?

I love my girlfriends and I love spending time with them, I totally recognize that this comes from within and that they should have no bearing on my confidence and how beautiful I feel but IT DOES!! I am human afterall.

BTW the girl who commented on "my pretty face" her husband is even worse and I think she barely eats cuz if she does he comments!! GRRRR this makes me so mad!! He always comments about her gaining weight and makes it perfectly clear that it would be unacceptable.

My ranting is done lol.

Reply pleaseeee!!!!

Everythang is Everythang
-Jen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:18pm

What do I do? I drop friends like that. It's one thing to be supportive it's another to be cruel. I have many friends who are VERY thin, but if I say I've been working out, they are like, that's great, I know how important this is to you. I have one skinny friend who'll just say to me, "let's go walk, it's good for us". She rarely says she's fat or wants to lose weight. She's more about keeping fit. Another skinny friend, was having problems GAINING weight, so many times, we'd support each other with me losing and her gaining. I'd sit there and suggest she eat higher carbed foods, but to tone up, etc. I'm telling her to eat, she's telling me to cut back.


the point is..........vain or not, many of my gf's are supportive. The only "crude" people who have said those types of things are my male friends who tell me I need to lose weight because I'm becoming unnattractive. I usually just let it roll off my back, and discontinue seeing them so much, or saying anything about my weight (or what I'm doing to lose it).


Personally, I don't need friends like that, and I wouldnt' want friends like that.


BUT, if you do want to keep those friends, I'd either tell them how it hurts you that they aren't supportive OR i'd tell them how their "side comments" are like daggers. Heck, for that one woman who's DH does it to her, maybe say, "do you like how he makes you feel for eating food, no? well neither do I". And lastly, if most of those women are criticized by their own family and/or DH, then for them, criticizing you is natural and normal. If you aren't willing to say something to them, or drop them as friends, then my only other suggestion is to grow a thicker layer of skin or lose weight.


hugs and good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:37pm

Well dropping them is DEF not an option. These are my girls who have housed me and three children when homeless, stayed with me in the ER all night, helped me thru the death of my hubby, loaned me money, I would never ever end these friendships.

Your right though about what you said lastly, and it just clicked:

LOSE THE DAMN WEIGHT and stop feeling sorry for myself!!!

Thanks.

-Jen
xoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:43pm

I probably am the one of the skinniest in my group of friends and every once in awhile they will comment on my being skinning and not having to do anything. Well they haven't seen me naked. lol Personally, I don't like the fat I have accumulated around


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:51pm

Well for starters I'd like them to be much more sensitive about stating they are getting too "fat" when they are a size 2 and the other one is a size 0.

Like I said I think I just need to get back to my regular size before my hubby passed away and I gained all the weight.

I never weighed over 115 my whole life (unless pregnant). I went up to 175 since my husband died and I recognize that I am emotionally eating to fill the void.

So this time I gotta get the weight off and keep it off.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:57pm
Well I'd let them know how you feel. I'm guessing that they don't even realize what they are saying. As women we are often geared towards not liking ourselves regardless of the rational.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 4:21pm

Jen,


One thing I do want to point out........is if you're used to this kind of thing, then OTHER people will ALWAYS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 4:37pm

Jen, it's tough to have girlfriends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:05pm

Hi Jen,

I am really sorry that you are taking it to heart when your friends say these things...IT is very hurtful..even if they are not directing at you...

as for your friend who made such a great comment on your "pretty face"...it sounds to me the she has issues that need to be addressed...and as for her husband...DID HE WIN MR. USA? I don't care how much he works out...HES' NOT PERFECT...NO ONE IS...EVEN THOUGH HE THINKS HE MIGHT BE...lol I HATE people like that...

I am glad to see you are back to the gym. I know this will boost your confidence level...I know it did for me...I used to be 175 LBS....after having my kids...I HATED the way I looked...so I took off 45 pounds..and have kept it off...now I am at a very comfy weight for me...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:22pm

Try to remain objective and focus on YOU!

When your friends talk about gaining weight, they are focusing on THEMSELVES, not on you.
Let's be honest, when you gain weight, you feel crappy, right? Well, that's how they feel too! For you, going from a size 2 to a size 6 doesn't seem like a big deal, right? Well, if all those girls have are size 2 clothes, and they gain enough weight to be a size 6...they're going to need a new wardrobe. See?

As for your friend's husband, your friend chose to marry the guy and she chooses to stay with him, even if he doesn't approve of her weight gain. It's her choice to stay with him. I know it's frustrating. I have girlfriends like that too. The sip diet Coke and STARE at food, like starving dogs. Ridiculous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:24pm

Thanks so much. Your post was very helpful. Seems like everyone else was missing the point that all my life I've been thin and that the weight gain is a symptom of something mush deeper.

I would not lose weight for any reason but to get back to being myself. It is hard being as all my life I was their size and I HATE being fat now.

I'm a little sad that many of the posters seemed to have so much anomosity themselves and wonder if they realize how it came through in these posts.

It almost makes me want to not post here anymore. But anyways, had a great workout with my kids and ate well. The weight comes off pretty quick luckily for me I just gotta keep it off thru winter from now on instead of letting myself slip up.

thanks dietblackcherry!!

Everythang is Everythang
-Jen

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