Can I Beat My Wussiness?
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| Tue, 02-22-2005 - 1:50pm |
Okay, so as some of you might know, my boyfriend Wes is all about adventure. He used to do triathalons, until mid-college, when he busted a knee- he was #3 in the country under age 20, regional and state champ and was training for Olympic try-outs. Hard-core. Now, he's into rock-climbing, mountaineering, biking (road and off-road(, skiing, surfing, etc. He probably owns all of REI, and is always looking for more stuff. I know he wants to climb all the major mountains, etc. Just a ridiculous, adventure-seeking beast.
I am hardly the ridiculous, adventure-seeking beast! He knows that and is okay with it. He took me indoor rock-climbing a couple of times, and I actually really enjoyed it. I could do a 5.7 without too much trouble- he'd coach me from the ground if I needed it. I'm in good shape, but I'm not terribly strong, in that respect. The most "hard-core" thing I've done is martial arts. Pilates and dance are not exactly up to Wes's speed.
He really wants me to do some of this stuff with him- like rock-climbing around here, outside, or mountain biking- but the easier stuff, like on a dirt trail w/ smaller bumps, etc. He's got all the equipment to lend me, so that's not a problem. I really want to be able to do this stuff with him- but I'm a HUGE-A$$ chicken! I did fine on an indoor rock wall, but something tells me that outdoors is a lot harder! And while I don't mind riding a bike on a road, I'm afraid of running over rocks and tree roots, etc and crashing and breaking a limb! I just don't feel like I'm "strong" enough to do a lot of this stuff. Is it something that will just come with practice and not being chicken, or should I really be in more beastly shape before I tackle more "extreme" sports? Any thoughs, personal experiences are welcome! I just want to have fun with my boyfriend and not be abandoned every weekend this summer!

Part of the fun of any relationship (friends, SO, etc.) is that you can learn fun new things.
yeah, i can't see why it would hurt to try these things and see if you like them. i don't think any of them require some level of fitness to just start out as a beginner. if he's willing to take the time to teach you the basics, i'd take advantage of that, because i think it would be fun to try those things. i'm very cautious and not at all extreme, and i'd still at least give them a try if i had a personal coach to teach me. i'd especially love to have my own personal surfing instructor.
on the other hand, if they don't sound fun to you, don't pressure yourself to do activities you aren't into. it's fine if he has his interests and you have yours.
but even if you give those new activities a try, i think you should also get used to the idea of spending some weekends alone this summer. even if you give these things a try and enjoy doing them together, he will
PS about being scared... it's good to be scared of those things - they are dangerous! i'd be scared of those activities too. but it's also good to push your comfort zone to do things you want to do. i think there's a good compromise of taking calculated risks that challenge your fear but aren't unreasonably dangerous.
if you take it a step at a time (like you said, little bumps on the mountain bike first) then you'll only be a little out of your comfort zone, and then when you are a bit stronger, and more prepared, and feel more comfortable with that level of adventure, you can take it to the next level if you want. or you can just stay with the beginner level if you want. don't think of it as heading out to climb half dome this summer!
Why not give his interests a shot-- if you don't like them, you don't have to pursue them.
That said, you still might be left behind on the weekends for a while. ;) If I were you, I'd ask him to show me the ropes on a day when he's not planning on meeting up w/any hardcore buddies or doing anything strenous. Just go out with the 2 of you so you can do things at your own pace. I think that's much more ideal than trying to tag along on a mtn bike ride w/a bunch of more experienced riders who are all going to be showing off for you. You'd either end up feeling horrible for slowing them down or hurting yourself.
On the flipside, is he interested in getting involved in any of your interests?
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Well, we have some similar interests, mostly things to be done at home- we both like cooking, and playing certain games and watching movies, etc. But there are things that I will never be able to get him to do with me- like visit a museum. He's not very "cultural", whereas I am- which doesn't bother me at all. I just don't want to be abandoned EVERY weekend when the weather is nice. I understand that sometimes I will not be able to go with him, due to skill level, or it's something that I don't like. But a lot of the stuff he does, I've never even tried, which is the point of my trying them. He's been to museums and knows he doesn't really like them. I've never gone mountain biking, for example because I never did any of those things growing up- I read books and took dance lessons. My family was not outdoorsy- his was. So now I want to try things that my parents never really exposed us to. I'm just afraid of slowing him down, even though he says he wants me to try these things with him. Does that make sense?
If he says he wants to try these things with you, you need to believe him. He wants to share part of himself with you and this is his way of doing that. If you can muster the courage, try it once and then you can say with authority later that you don't like something. *grin*
Jen's right about fear. When I was doing the 90 foot rappel in Puerto Vallarta last month and I thought I was about to lose my lunch from being so terrified, my guide said "Fear is good. Fear keeps you safe. Your fear will also ensure that you will never ever forget this moment." Granted, it's only been a month, but I think he was probably right. :) Standing on that platform, looking down into the Mexican jungle knowing that my only way down was a rope and a harness is something I don't think I'll ever forget.