Rant, rant, rant!
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Rant, rant, rant!
| Thu, 06-30-2005 - 8:33am |
I know I sound like an old record about this...and, I know I talk about how important it is to appreciate your body for what it does more than what it looks like so I do for the most part.


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Jean,
i'm kinda over caring about stuff like that. i don't know any thinner girls who are happier than me, or even happier with their bodies than me.
i was thinking the other day - if "fate" (or what/whoever) hadn't made me on the chunky side, i never would have done so many of the things i've done in my life - i probably would never have been an instructor of anything, i probably would have never surfed or skateboarded. i'd have never run a road race or gone on a long bike ride with the dappled sunlight filtering through autumn leaves. i'd have never played dance dance revolution. i would never have learned to swim. i was pretty much never interested in anything active, except as a way to get/keep fit. i would have probably spent my free time shopping for skinny-girl clothes and lounging around showing off my good body. so i'm glad i wasn't born thin.
Pass the hoho's!
Jean,
Even though y'all probably know my sentiments well on the subject of body image I'm putting my two cents in anyway.
First, every BODY is beautiful, all the moreso for the variety of shapes & sizes it comes in. What particularly disturbs me these days is not just the continuing dissatisfaction North American women have w/ their bodies, but all the plastic surgery/cosmetic procedures people are going through to conform to some so-called ideal. Would a rose or lily seem as beautiful if they were the only flower in the world? (Now don't get me wrong I'm not refering to situations like Kel's or someone w/ a feature so prominent that people have difficulty seeing beyond it & it results in SEVERELY impaired self-esteem.) I've said it before & I'll say it again, true beauty comes from within. Yes, some folks are more aesthetically pleasing to the eye, but if they also appear vapid or self-centred are they actually attractive? Yet, some folks that aren't beautiful to the eye are wildly attractive.
Our bodies are not just a product of what we eat & how active we are, they reflect our gender, genetics and ethnic heritage. I often feel that our dislike for a bodies is just a symptom of some deeper source is discontent. I say this not only as a result of long professional experience w/ people looking to change themselves from the outside in, but as someone who, as the result of certain events earlier in life, has suffered extremely poor self esteem. Although generally accepting of my body and self now I still find when I'm stressed & depressed I see an entirely different person in the mirror, but maybe that's just me.
You know what Jean, I've been "stocky" most of my life and tried (and eventually succeeded) to view my body as strong and sturdy. I reached my current level of acceptance w/ that physique, so now that I'm the Incredible Shrinking Woman I have to re-adjust my self-image. I'm not uncomfortable w/ my physique but feel somehow less significant and as if people are less inclined to take me seriously now that I'm constantly hearing about how little or "petite" I am. As a pro I find people that didn't know me before assume I've always been lean & fit so couldn't relate to their struggles w/ weight. Never mind the fact that its no easier finding clothes that fit than ever before. I'm too little for regular women's clothing, too shapely (read:well developed hips & thighs) for petites and most kid's clothes. Never mind the fact I wear a bra solely for the sake of decorum because as a 30A cup I have no real need for one and would rather go w/o. ;-P
Its funny that you bring this up today because my boss @ one gym, who is a tall & extremely lean Slavic-type commented last night that she has a 3 class day coming up and figures this entitles her to stop at a fast food joint. My first thought is that a couple burgers wouldn't have much impact on her anyway. (The second was that I need a reality check as I would only consider fast food for the sake of convenience on a 4-5 class day and that only I would consider 3 classes in a day a relatively easy day :-o ).
The point I'm getting at, in my long-winded way, is that we are all meant to be different and that no matter how we're built its never perfect and we'll always find something we wish were different. So why not accept and love who we are and embrace what makes us unique.
Take care.
Maybe I'd need some therapy to find out for sure but I think my dislike of being stocky is just that, a dislike for being stocky--there's no deep displaced discontentment for other parts of my life or me that I'm aware of.
I think I've probably discussed this topic to death too, but just wanted to throw my two cents in to show support and well... because I can. :)
I cannot tell you how many times I lamented about the fact that I overhauled my lifestyle so completely but was so frustrated that my body didn't reflect that. There have been far too many tearful conversations with my husband trying to reassure me that I'm beautiful, healthy, and strong and I'm too hard on myself. I know that life isn't fair and as much as I try to accept that, there is always a part of me that's angry about the fact that I worked so hard and made so many changes and so little of it was visible physically.
Additionally, after having subjected myself to major invasive surgery, I still wonder if I haven't somehow cheated because I got my flat stomach in an operating room. Yes, I know I worked as hard as I could on my own and the skin was not something in my control, but still...
I don't know if you read any of my PS diaries but in the first one I talked about having my feminist membership revoked because I decided to have surgery. I think I've generally made peace with it, but it's still something I think about. Part of me wishes I could have just dealt with my body, floppiness and all and gotten over it.
I understand your frustration Jean.... I do. *hugs*
Surgery update: Doing okay today. I can stand up a little more today than yesterday and I could probably walk without DH's help. I have a post-op appointment tonight so getting into the car and into the doc's office ought to be a adventure. I am also going to have DH wash my hair as it's pretty gnarly. I'm feeling better though. The sutures are beginning to itch a little. I think I might be able to take a full-fledged shower tomorrow although I'm going to have to tackle stairs in order to do it.
I totally understand that. Great metaphor by the way. That was my only real source of frustration when I was heavier - not so much that I was stocky but my body didn't visibly reflect all my hard work at the gym & sacrifice in the kitchen. Is this what you mean?
I think its human nature to always be striving to change and improve, so I didn't mean that all negative feeling about our bodies stem from something deeper - more often its as a result of the unachievable cultural ideal we western women are hammered over the head w/ by the media, entertainment & fashion industries and simple human nature.
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