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Tuesday Journal
| Tue, 07-12-2005 - 8:32am |
Well, hopefully I'll get in some sort of physical exercise today. Was going to go to the rock-climbing gym last night, but when I went to my car, I had a flat tire :( So I had to wait around for the Auto Rescue guy to come change it, because I don't have the means to jack up the car, nor do I know any men who do- except Wes, but I certainly can't call him!
Breakfast: 2 slices of multigrain toast w/ pb and apricot preserves (not on the same slice)
Lunch: some semblance of a sandwich, rest of the strawberries before they go bad.
Snack: not sure
Dinner: no idea- probably a hot dog (gotta finish them off too) but not sure what to have with it.

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What a pain!
Today I have to teach my cardio combo class.
Sorry to hear about your tire. What a pain. :( I absolutely hate dealing with car stuff and am so thankful to have DH when something happens. I keep telling myself though that one of these days I am going to take a mechanic class at the community college so I won't be such a dumb girl when I take my car into the shop. :)
I walked for 20 minutes today! :) I could have gone a little longer, but was feeling uncomfortable due to the garment. It feels really good to be drain-free. I was even able to shower by myself this morning. I still need DH's help to apply bandages and help put my garment on, but it's nice to be able to be more independent. I put on a t-shirt from the cancer climb I did in February and the last time I wore it, it fit fine around the chest, but was very tight around the hips. Fits just fine now. :) That's pretty cool.
I had a chat with my friend yesterday who does fitness competitions and just did a figure modeling competition over the weekend. She's a doll but my conversation with her left me a little sad and realizing how uncomfortable with my body I've really gotten. I've been afraid to try on any of my clothes for fear that they'll fit just the same as before the surgery. I'm terrified to look in the mirror and still be unhappy. DH and my mom are giving me money to go clothes shopping for my birthday (which is Saturday but I don't think I'll shop for at least another couple of weeks) and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm dreading it a little bit too. I was actually crying about this on the way to the doc's office yesterday. I also realized I very well could be PMS'ing which would explain a lot. Aside from the hormonal havoc, I've decided that I need to really work on the body image thing or I will never enjoy the results of having gone through all this pain.
Food is variable today. We're low on a lot of the stuff we usually eat so I'm not sure what we'll be having. I'll try to update later.
i think you should wait to try on your clothes and go shopping - your body isn't going to be fully healed for several weeks. don't judge your body based on what you see now! plus, you said yourself that your shirt fits better in the hips.
can you try to get your mind off all this? i'm sure it's hard when you have to be all bandaged up and
the skating/bmx/moto-x jam last night was INSANE. crazy cuckoo bananas. they had a practically vertical 45ft high ramp, which the bmx riders and skateboarders launched down (at one point, at the same time!) then jumped a 30ft gap over a halfpipe, doing tricks in the air, then after landing that up a 30-something ft vert ramp. i think the best in my opinion was a bmx rider who did a head (and bike) over heels loop-dee-loop over the gap and then in the air at the top of the vert spun his bike around TWICE under him. not to mention that at one point tony hawk did a trick off a bar that was on top of a jeep parked on top of the super high 30-something ft vert ramp, so it was 6ft higher even than that! they had moto-x riders leaping over a half pipe while like 7 bmx riders and skateboarders were all riding it at once. tony hawk did a trick over
You know, my sister experienced severe depression and mood swings after her knee surgery.
~Kiervin~
Co-author of: MONSTER'S INK HORROR ANTHOLOGY By Cyber-Pulp Press
Yep, I'm going to wait. That's why I'm not going shopping on my birthday.
It's not something I think about *all* the time. I do try to keep busy with other things. I just have my moments, I guess... I'm not extremely good at letting go of things and I've been trying to let this body image stuff go for a while. It'll just take time.
I got a whole pre-op packet before surgery and one of the things it outlines is that mood swings and depression are absolutely normal. That coupled with my imminent period is just exacerbating things. In addition to that though, I think it's going to take baby steps to start feeling comfortable in my own skin again.
Thanks for your support and it's good to have you back! :)
We need to find some vitamin for the PMS moodiness!
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