Don't Hate Me Because I'm Thin
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| Wed, 07-20-2005 - 9:57am |
Hopefully, some of you ladies might understand why this bothers me.
I post to the 20-something board (seeing as how I'm 24) very regularly. And quite frequently, there are discussions about weight/looks/exercise/eating right, etc. And it seems as though there are many chunky/overweight girls who post for advice on how to eat right, etc. BUT as soon as someone says something that implies that they might need to cut back bad habits, etc, they get all defensive and go off on a tirade about how "I Love my size 16 body (even though I'm 5'4") and I want to see "real" women in the media". Granted, there are some stars who are way too thin, and obviously that is not healthy. But it REALLY irks me to hear those girls make derogatory comments about thin/in shape people in general- calling me "stick-thin", etc. Last time I checked, I was a "real" woman, even though I'm small. I cannot help that my bone structure makes me a size 0. But if I stopped exercising altogether and ate half the crap these women do, I'd get fat too! My dad, whose side I take after, was fat for several years when he was younger. But I inherited my frame from him- when he met my mom, he was a size 32. And he was healthy. And I am healthy too- I have never once had a doctor tell me I was unhealthy or too thin.
Why is it that people cannot make this distinction between anorexic supermodels and those of us who take care of ourselves? I don't want to have to feel guilty for not continually keeping a box of cookies in my cabinet or not liking fast food all that much. I feel like people are just too lazy- and it's not like most of these girls are so obese that it can be blamed on genetics. Thoughts? Comments?

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Sounds like it's a matter of preference.
i haven't seen the posts on the other board but just from the parts you quoted it doesn't sound like they are hating you because you are thin. of course they shouldn't make derogatory comments about people who are thin, but saying things like "I Love my size 16 body" and "I want to see real women in the media" aren't derogatory to you. i don't think the latter comment means to imply you aren't a real woman, i think what they mean is they want to see a more realistic ideal of beauty in the media (although of course you are a real woman, your figure is not realistically attainable by most women). i agree with that sentiment.
also, when they say they want to see "real women" in the media, keep in mind, though you may be thin, YOUR body type isn't the type that is usually seen in the media either. even at size 0 you could never be a traditional model any more than i could. not to say that Paris Hilton isn't a "real" woman either, but even when her body and the like 10 other women whose bodies are suitable to be in the media are photographed, even THEIR bodies are not good enough. still photos are then ALWAYS touched up to make them more perfect. video images are carefully editted to hide any flaws. plus, once you factor in the unrealistic things models go through to look the way they do - surgery, starving themselves, etc. - and it is almost pretty accurate to say that there aren't "real women" in the media.
people are also entitled to their personal taste. personally, i don't like the way women look when they are "extra curvy" OR thin, even if they are not unhealthily fat or unhealthily thin. i don't find either to be attractive. for good or bad, that's the way it is. but unless someone wants to have sex with me -- and i'm not single anyway -- who really cares if i find you attractive? it doesn't mean i "hate" anyone who is fat or thin.
I just want to give you another perspective and I'm going to have to generalize here, using myself as an example. When I was very heavy (263 lbs, to be exact), when someone lost weight, I would eagerly ask them what they did. I was always disappointed when it was something "boring" like clean eating or exercise. :)
I was pretty good at riding the defensive wave too... when someone offered me advice (solicited or not), even if I didn't verbalize it, I still had the same "Well, I love my curvy body" thoughts.
I have had a weight problem my entire life. I have had people pick/comment/make suggestions on my food choices my entire life and it did not teach me to eat better. (Please understand that I'm not saying that you're over on that board preaching nutrition - this is just my personal experience from dealing with people who were thin/healthy when I was neither). It taught me to be defensive. Even now, when DH makes comments about my food (and it's usually in a joking manner), I get very defensive immediately. I'm not fat and I'm not unhealthy. I actually eat a cleaner diet than he does. But old habits die hard, I guess...
When you've been heavy a better part of your life, you start to think that there's no hope of losing it because in your mind, you've "tried everything." So you start to resign yourself to trying to be happy in the skin you're in because it's not likely to change. That is why you hear a lot of talk about embracing their bodies, etc.
They should absolutely not pick on you for your genetics or your habits. Life is unfair and we have to do our best to deal with it. :) Please also understand that I'm not criticizing the way you handled things. I just wanted to give you some perspective on what these women could be thinking because I've been there, done that, and gotten the XXL t-shirt.
Edited 7/20/2005 11:12 am ET ET by gymrat76
on a related topic -
Well, I can't speak for the "heavier" contingent-I've been the skinny girl all my life (I'm 33 now) and have endured the "skinny bitch" comments from friends and others. I was an athlete and was skinny due to genetics-without the muscle I got from training, I probably would have been even skinnier! Now, since I've had a child and been doing martial arts, I'm a bit curvier and have bigger muscles.
I think a big issue is the fact that people need to look at themselves and determine what works for them and only them. Frequently we look at celebrities and models and think that if they look that way, then we should too. The fact is, their figures are not always realistic and let's face it, if you are 5 foot 3 and have a large bone structure, you probably won't look like Gwyneth Paltrow no matter what you do! I think that people need to better distinguish between their lives and those of others. If you're happy with your curves, then be happy, don't worry about it and don't hate thinner girls for being thin!
Y'know, for me it's never been about the aesthetic of being thin, it's about feeling healthy. And the fact is, I feel better right now than I have my entire life. And I know eating healthy and working out are the reason. The fact that I'm maintaining my weight is a bonus.
HTH
sydfriend
"Y'know, for me it's never been about the aesthetic of being thin, it's about feeling healthy."
Good quote!
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