Is this fair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Is this fair?
14
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 10:57am

I have to give up everything in order to assure that this baby makes it to full term and is healthy. I do it because it is my child and I want it to be okay. Dh, though, doesn't think he has to give up anything. He continues to play volleyball twice a week, drums three times a week, poker once a week, golf once a week, raquetball twice, and basketball twice. It isn't fair, is it? I mean, it is his baby too.

I don't expect him to give up everything because then we would both be bored and aggitated, but he could spend some time with the bored prego on his couch. When I said something to him he just said, "well I didn't play golf last weekend, and I work and need a break." Uh! One day of golf compared to 6 days of the gym for me and 3 days of tae kwon do for me.

Maybe I'm being unfair to expect him to give up anything just because I can't do it. What do you think?

Paula

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:04am
I'm kinda on my way out the door, but could you maybe spell out clearly what you would like your DH to do with you? If he is going out, say, "hey, I've been lying here all day and I'm bored out of my tree; let's watch a movie together."




Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:23am

That would be nice, if I knew what to do. I am so bored that I am hoping that somebody else will just spend time with me, or at least act like they want to spend time with me.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:59am

It's awfully hard to sit on your butt and watch as everyone else is able to live their lives normally, isn't it? I know the circumstances are different but I understand how you feel.

I think it's time for a heart-to-heart with DH. He needs to be aware of your frustrations and he also needs to be told exactly what you need from him. (I've learned that if we expect other people to "just know", we will be disappointed about 100% of the time.) When you talk to him, make sure you speak from your own perspective - "I need xy and z from you" - rather than saying "You haven't spent any time with me". That will just put him on the defensive.

I hope this helps. Good luck and let us know what happens. *hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:43pm
i agree with kel. he probably doesn't realize how important it is to you to have some company, he probably figures, "well, she has to lay around no
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 2:43pm

You guys are right. I just wish I knew what he could do to keep me company.It isn't like I enjoy tv, we are movied out, and I don't think I could play another game of scrabble. But I'll have to think about it.

Thanks gals,
Paula

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 2:49pm
hey, not that this helps with your situation with your husband, but you should take up knitting while you are on mandatory rest! it will keep your hands occupied, and your brain too if you pick a more complex pattern. one pattern i like a lot that is simple, but still requires brain power, is a dropped stitch pattern. the other good thing about it is it knits up fast. you could make a pretty scarf or lacy baby blanket with dropped stitch pattern. if you know the basic knit stitch it would be easy -
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 5:50pm

How about...

a puzzle?

video game?

mad libs?

listening to a book on tape together?

planning baby stuff together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:04pm

No real advice, it looks like everyone here pretty much covered what I would have said.

~Kiervin~

Co-author of:  MONSTER'S INK HORROR ANTHOLOGY By Cyber-Pulp Press

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 10:27pm

Thanks. i actually have been doing some crafts. I made dd some bows, beaded jewelry, and totebags. I think I am just lonely and want somebody to want to spend time with me. I guess it is a female thing to want people to want to do something without being told.

Paula

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
In reply to: paulakicks
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 10:32pm

I totally have been reading and researching nursing too. I've sent dh to the bookstore a million times. I've tried to convince him to save money and go to the library, but he wont. Wouldn't it make sense if the library delivered to invalids like me :P

The doctor has allowed me to get up enough to take care of the kids, so I can't really concentrate too much on reading or movies because of the kids, but of course I read to them all of the time. I am so sick of disney right now. Have you seen the doodlebops? OMG, so horrible!

Paula

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