Abandoning goals and being realistic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Abandoning goals and being realistic?
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Fri, 09-02-2005 - 1:11pm

Is there ever a point where you decide your goals are unrealistic and you decide to just accept your abilities/strength/whatever at the level you're at right now?

The reason I ask is this... I haven't made any headway with the goals I set out to accomplish in terms of losing more weight. I've been training for about 5 weeks now and have been sticking to my eating plan about that long. My weight seems to reguarly fluctuate within a 5 lb range but hasn't actually changed. It's becoming pretty clear that I'm not losing anything with the program that I'm using. However, I like the program I'm doing. I'm not willing to eat less because I turn into super-cranky gymrat when I don't eat enough. And, I believe I'm getting stronger. It's the weight loss piece that isn't changing. (And no, I don't really think my clothes are fitting much differently.)

So, I'm just wondering if I should accept the weight that I'm at right now. Sadly, I'm not even nervy enough to post it here because it just seems so *high*. But, from what other people have said, they estimate that I weigh about 30-40 lbs less than I do (even when I was heavy, I don't think anyone would have guessed what I really weighed). My husband found a statistic that said that most people are unable to lose more than 10% of their high bodyweight and I've already surpassed that. Maybe my body is just *done*.

At this point, I just feel tired of fighting and striving to reach something that is starting to seem unattainable. Yet, my Type A urge that is always pushing me to be better/faster/stronger finds it hard to let this go because in a way, it feels like defeat (and if no one else here gets this part, I know Jean will).

Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?




Edited 9/2/2005 1:19 pm ET ET by gymrat76

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 1:54pm

I had to get to the point where I decided I COULD reach an ideal goal but, as Jen said about sacrifice, would it be worth it?






iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 2:01pm

Maybe you could set other goals to take your mind off your weight for a little bit. Maybe you are trying to hard and you need to take a break. If you are anything like me you will not be able to take your mind of your goal unless you concentrate on other goals. Perhaps you could set goals that "might" help you loose weight...for example work on bringing the intensity up in your cardio, or get back into boxing/kickboxing and set a goal there.

Goodluck with whatever you do, and just remember the scale isn't everything.

Paula

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 4:34pm

There are so many more factors than weight in assessing where you are, is there a reason you are so focused on the scale right now?


We all know that muscle weighs more than fat, and we know that you do resistance training, right?

~Kiervin~

Co-author of:  MONSTER'S INK HORROR ANTHOLOGY By Cyber-Pulp Press

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 5:37pm

I haven't tested my BF lately because the only means I have to do it is the my stupid little bioelectrical impedance device and those are notoriously off. But, I probably should do it anyway.

You asked how much time I'd spent focusing on this in the last couple of years and it made me realize that's it's pretty much been my life's purpose (which is just sad). I might be missing out on a whole lot because this issue takes up so much space in my head. For what it's worth, I am seeing a counselor to help me deal with my body image issues. We've only just gotten started, but I think it's going to help me a lot.

I almost wonder if I'm "goaled" out right now? My goal has been to get better (recovered from surgery) and of course, get stronger. I'm not sure if I'm in the right place to go beyond that.

Thanks much for your thoughts. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 5:38pm
Thanks, Paula. I appreciate your support. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 5:49pm

Oh Miss K... I so enjoy your posts. :) They are always so full of wisdom and common sense.

The reason I'm so focused on the scale is because it's the most immediate data available to me right now. I'm using nutrition software that is supposed to help determine your BMR based on what you eat and weigh every day.

I think my resistance to changing my program stems from a few things. I do at times feel uncomfortable at my current calorie level (approx. 1600) but it's usually doable. I do not feel like I might go postal and rob a bank like I felt when I was eating approx. 1000 per day. Prior to surgery, I was training more in my efforts to lose weight and I was so tired. Tired and sore all of the time. I think it's been hard to find that balance of food and exercise that keeps me sated and energetic.

I know that I *can* do anything I put my mind to... My question at this point is whether my body is just refusing to go further. I know I can make myself stronger but I'm just not sure about the weight loss. My diet is very clean and I train regularly and aside from taking away calories and adding more exercise which just makes me hate everything, I think I've tweaked just about everything. Since the beginning of the year, I've tried all kinds of things - changing my training, tweaking my macros... all of it which SHOULD have resulted in a loss. But it's not happening. So I'm wondering if perhaps I have hit my genetic wall. And that begs the question of whether I'm simply spinning my wheels and if I should accept what I have and be grateful that I have two arms and two legs that enable me to run around and do what I want to do and so what if there's a little flab hanging off of them? :P

You are a brave woman for admitting your weight. *kneeling* I'm not worthy. BUT, how do you know I'm not your size and weight? :P

Avatar for soleilune
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 6:50pm

Wow! All you ladies have offered such fabulous advice and wisdom. I say "Ditto) to all of it.

The only real advice I can add is to look at what you're eating instead of how much. I plateaued for 4 years (sort of - actually lost an average of about 2 lbs./year) after my initial weight loss. I tinkered w/ amounts, patterns, division of macro nutrients. Nothing changed. Then I eliminated dairy. The fat literally melted of my body. I also find when I eat too much of my fave food (anything remotely bread-like) I gain weight (I doubt its fat for the most part though) and feel crummy. I think everyone has foods their body likes & some it doesn't. Ask Millcreek, she's experienced this (I think Jen too). After becoming vegan, as well as replacing some of my grains w/ more produce, I find i don't need to even think about my weight anymore. I've seen many benefit from a change in their choices. So tinker. Keep a food journal not so much to track calories, macro nutrients, etc., but to track the effect of different foods on your body & emotions. And don't forget that your body's still healing.

As for the set point issue - I'm unsure of this one. I used to really buy into it as my whole life, no matter how I ate or the type/amount of activity my weight always seemed to want to hover around the same poundage. When I quit worrying about my weight and found the right foods for me weight came off effortlessly.

Like Kiervin, since having a partial mastectomy, I have approached food as fuel. However I never eat something just because its good for me. I refuse to feel deprived. (Not saying Keirvin is - she knows that we have to give ourselves a break sometimes.) I am a cookbook/recipe addict. No one should have to eat food they don't enjoy as there are usually ways to make it enjoyable AND so many options out there we shouldn't feel any sense of restriction in our choices.

Lastly, accepting your body and weight is more mental than anything. It's good you're actively dealing w/ this - I think as you sort though this you'll see your beauty regardless of the scale. I spent years hating my body whether it was 98lbs. or 150lbs. When i finally accepted it I was a size 10. I'm no more or less happy w/ it @ size 0. Don't make the mistake of thinking a certain size/weight/BF% will bring happiness. But I think you already know that and are working on this issue.

Hang in there, Kel. We all care & are here for you so don't give up. Modify & tinker by all means, but keep going. You've done more so far, for yourself & others, than I think you realize.

Good luck & take care.

Soleilune
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:39pm

Thanks for your thoughts Sol. Please don't you (or anyone else here) think I'm considering giving up my gymrat life or career to become a twinkie-laden couch potato. I'm absolutely not. I'm committed to living a healthy lifestyle regardless.

I've just begun to question how much of it is mentally healthy since I'm so focused on the weight loss. As I said in my response to Kiervin, I'm wondering if I haven't perhaps hit a genetic wall and my mental state would be all the better to just accept it and move on.

I have looked quite a bit at what I'm eating and I've tinkered with things in several different ways. Nothing has really made a difference weight-wise, but I notice I have more energy and am less prone to binging when my diet is higher in protein and fat (the good fat, of course). I have not tried cutting out dairy because I don't eat that much and also because I really don't want to (being honest here). I've just gotten into using cottage cheese as a good protein source and I'd hate to give it up. I usually get between 2-4 servings of dairy per day and it's hard to rationally think giving that up would suddenly be the catalyst for weight loss.

As it stands, my diet is pretty rich in fruits, veggies and lean proteins. I do complex carbs, but it's usually in the form of my high protein tortillas. Other than eliminating food groups, I wouldn't even know what else to conceivably change as this is the diet I would recommend for any new client seeking weight loss. *shrug*

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Since I gained weight after ending my self-imposed starvation a few years ago, I have experimented and tinkered til the ideas run out. It beings to wear on a person, you know? You start to wonder if you're aren't just a genetic freak whose body refuses to respond to conventional science. This is why I'm starting to explore other options.

Thanks again for your thoughts. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 8:19pm
That's great news, Kiervin! Congrats on dropping so many sizes! Good to see you re-embrace your former gymrattiness!

Jean,






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 8:24pm
Getting stronger and getting better are great goals.





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