Abandoning goals and being realistic?
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| Fri, 09-02-2005 - 1:11pm |
Is there ever a point where you decide your goals are unrealistic and you decide to just accept your abilities/strength/whatever at the level you're at right now?
The reason I ask is this... I haven't made any headway with the goals I set out to accomplish in terms of losing more weight. I've been training for about 5 weeks now and have been sticking to my eating plan about that long. My weight seems to reguarly fluctuate within a 5 lb range but hasn't actually changed. It's becoming pretty clear that I'm not losing anything with the program that I'm using. However, I like the program I'm doing. I'm not willing to eat less because I turn into super-cranky gymrat when I don't eat enough. And, I believe I'm getting stronger. It's the weight loss piece that isn't changing. (And no, I don't really think my clothes are fitting much differently.)
So, I'm just wondering if I should accept the weight that I'm at right now. Sadly, I'm not even nervy enough to post it here because it just seems so *high*. But, from what other people have said, they estimate that I weigh about 30-40 lbs less than I do (even when I was heavy, I don't think anyone would have guessed what I really weighed). My husband found a statistic that said that most people are unable to lose more than 10% of their high bodyweight and I've already surpassed that. Maybe my body is just *done*.
At this point, I just feel tired of fighting and striving to reach something that is starting to seem unattainable. Yet, my Type A urge that is always pushing me to be better/faster/stronger finds it hard to let this go because in a way, it feels like defeat (and if no one else here gets this part, I know Jean will).
Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?
Edited 9/2/2005 1:19 pm ET ET by gymrat76

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WOW!!!! Maybe Canadians really are a more tolerant bunch (no offense intended to anyone Stateside - I'm from Wisconsin originally). I've heard/seen nothing but positive feedback about these ads up here.
I have to say though much as I'm glad to see real women in an ad I'm not crazy about the way they push their 'beauty' product in the print/voiceover. One step at a time I guess.
"When we set up our meeting, I was expecting to walk in to see this tiny blond thing and it was so nice to see a normal sized person sitting there." Hmmm... Kel's quest NOT to be average? Look at that it from my position for a moment - I'm the tiny blonde, but I'm not comfortable w/ people thinking what this woman implies. I want to be thought as 'normal' (but 'special' <:-P ).
This brings us to a whole new issue: Do we really want to people basing their opinions of us on our physique/size? Is this fair or realistic? The opinions they form are not really about our actual size but their issues about their own size, so not matter how we're built or what we weigh we can't change that. All we can do is have a healthy, secure attitude about our own body and hopefully help others cultivate the same attitude regarding themselves.
Isn't that what men do? :) When I was going through PT school, one of my male instructors was telling us in rather graphic detail how guys would time certain supplements and workouts before a date so they'd have that "pump" in their arms.
Okay, this is what we're all going to do. We're all going to learn the art of posing like they do in bodybuilder competitions. And then we're going to randomly break out into poses during our day so there is NO QUESTION that we work our butts off. How's that for being proactive? :P
No, I don't want people basing their opinions of me based on how I look, but it happens. People judge. It's human nature. I agree that whatever judgements people make are probably based on their issues w/weight and/or body image and that's something I cannot change. But, I am still irrationally worried about being judged based on my size - especially as a trainer.
I hate to admit this - I really do - but I do find myself making judgements about other people. It's hard *not* to do it, although I try not to make a conscious effort. It's a weird paradox because on one hand, I am sensitive to weight issues having gone through them myself and on the other hand, I get frustrated with people because if I could make such major changes, I wonder why they can't or won't.
I so totally understand what you're saying. I've developed a much more realistic idea of what the human body should look like since I left the dance world, but the fitness industry expects alot of its professionals. I've always battled the bulge and in this business really worried people wouldn't take me seriously w/ the extra pounds - no matter how thoroughly I could kick their a&&es. (Is this where you are now, Kel?) I found people WERE able to open up and be comfortable w/ me because they saw in me that they could be fit & healthy w/o being supermodel thin and they felt I could relate to what they're going through. Now I look the part (although I hear regular comments about how I don't look as strong as I am - I think that's called a backhanded compliment). However, people don't seem to think that I'll understand their body issues; that i was born looking like I do. Kel, in this business we're "damned if we do, damned if we don't". All we can do is work towards loving ourselves as we are. I know you're actively working on that. It took me more than 35 years to get there, but I did (not completely, but I don't think anyone achieves this 100%) and have the utmost faith you will too.
Although i try not to I judge people I do too (then immediately pass harsh judgement on myself for doing so :-P). Part of human nature I guess. It's what I least like in myself, but we all do it to some small degree. However I also find myself formulating legitimate reasons for whoever i judged being the way they are. (My big one is women wearing too much make paired w/ too little clothes - but almost as quick as that flash of condescending superiority occurs i realize they probably do that because they have low self esteem and are trying to hide their true selves beneath the image. Then I pity them, which is probably worse than passing judgement. How neurotic can I get? You have NOOOOOOOO idea.)
As for the frustration w/ people unable/unwilling to make change, you eventually learn to accept this or to move on. It'll vary from person to person. Here's an anecdote to ponder relating to this: One of my sisters used to counsel battered women. She helped most but got fed up w/ the few that refused to give up their status as victims and move on w/ their lives. So she quit dealing w/ the women and deals w/ the batterers instead. She's still helping the women but from a different angle - one that works for her AND them.
what's wrong with being average? most people are average. why should you be so much better than everyone else at everything? from the outside, it sounds pretty narcissistic of you to think you should be better than other people. but i know it is because you don't think you are good enough unless you are better (as contradictory as that sounds) - perfectionists are perfectionists because they don't think they are lovable if they are flawed. but everyone is flawed.
i know this is an issue that many women have dealt with their whole lives. but i honestly know a way that will almost certainly transform your whole way of thinking on this subject. few people ever believe me about this (and no one on this board), but i feel obligated to throw it out there on the small chance that maybe just maybe you'll believe me this time - the landmark forum. it's a few hundred dollars, a long weekend of your life, and you have some extra time now because you've just left the gym. just do it even if you totally don't believe me that it will help. just do it because it can't hurt and it would be so great to stop being a slave to this life-long mentality, and it would feel so good to be free, and jen is SOOOOOOO sure that you would be 100% glad you went, that it is worth doing it on the tiny tiny chance that jen is right. www.landmark-education.com
and it's NOT just another self-help seminar. it's nothing like what anyone has done before.
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