14 yr old sister in Juvenile Hall

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
14 yr old sister in Juvenile Hall
7
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 2:51pm
I'm not a parent, but the situation with my little sister makes me wonder if and how I should step in. I'm 28, my husband's 47 and we're 4 months pregnant with our first child. My sister Shawna lives with my Step-mother, sister and brother. My Dad recently moved out and is not involved much as a parent. My step-mom works fulltime and can't monitor Shawna's every move. She has just been arrested on a felony charge of drug possession. She was caught cutting school and was searched. She recently was hospitalized for drinking a toxic amount of alcohol mixed with various narcotics. This time, she was found with cocaine and extacy. My husband thinks her parents are doing a lousy job and that we should offer to take her in and school her. He works out of our home, so would be able to watch her while I'm at work. With a baby on the way, I'm not sure I can handle her. I don't think I'm being selfish, but I think it would turn our peaceful home into a madhouse. She's so out of control. Her medical coverage isn't agreeing to pay for a rehab program for her. The last one didn't do any good. When she visits us, she steals from us, smokes cigarettes after I tell her it's not allowed here and even sneaks boos into our house. She's been taking various drugs since she was twelve! Am I cold blooded for not stepping in here?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 3:47pm

Hi there, what a terrible situation your lil sister is in!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 8:40pm

You're not cold blooded. Its nice to want to "save" her, but you are soon going to have a baby in the house and much as you might love your sister, your child has to come first. Is she going to come home drunk/stoned? Will your baby find drugs laying around or booze hidden in pop cans? What kind of parents is your infant going to have if you are stressed out over being the jailor of a wayward teen? If you are fighting about money missing, broken rules, skipped school, etc. it is going to be a very volatile environment for your forthecoming child.


Personally, I would not have the personal strength to do it. Maybe your husband and you do, but it sounds like you are doubting your ability to "handle" her. There is more to it than just being home all day so she can't smoke in the house. She has had a few years to learn to be sneaky, she'll know all the tricks to avoid detection. I just sense a horribly stressful environment and for your baby (both before and after birth) I don't think its a very healthy situation.


I would talk to my Dr. and explain what is going on and ask for referrals. What CAN you do about it from afar? Is there any programs she could get in? Would your step-mom sign her into a boot camp type environment? Can she get free counselling? Try and find out how you can help her WITHOUT having to bring her into your home and become her parents.


Good luck. It must be so hard to see her self-destructing in front of you.

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Avatar for cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 10:06am
What a tough situation!
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Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 1:19pm

Hi, I'm so sorry about the current situation your facing. I don't think you are cold blooded by not wanting to step in and try to "save" your sister. Sometimes people

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 2:06pm

Thank you and I appreciate your support. I'm actually printing out everyone's responses so that I have backup for my arguement with my DH regarding having my sister stay with us. I'm glad to hear that I'm not wrong in my decision not to take her in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 4:25pm
i just wanted to say your not cold blooded at all and everyone here gave you great advice..sorry im so late on responding to this..big hugss!!!! I am sorry you are going through this!!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 9:00pm

I agree with everyone else. I'm so sorry your sister is making such poor choices. It's so sad to watch them go down. I will be praying for her.


Congrats on your pregnancy and please keep us posted on things.

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