QOTW: "Parental Influence"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
QOTW: "Parental Influence"
12
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:44am

(Thank you to the board member you submitted this question for us)



When I was at the mall a few days ago I saw a little girl (age 7 maybe?) with her Mom (know it was mother/daughter because I heard her call her Mom) and the Mother was dressed head to toe in black- black trenchcoat, heavy black make-up, spiky black hair, etc. Very gothic looking. Not that I have anything against expressing yourself this way, but how do you think it affects the child, if at all? It could be looked at in other ways, for example if the mother was wearing a short miniskirt and a low-cut, see-thru shirt.
So... should mothers stop expressing themselves this way once they have children? And does it affect the children? If so, how?



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Avatar for cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:36am
I don't think you should stop expressing yourself in whatever way is "you" but I think you just need to be aware that your child IS watching you and IS picking up from you ways to dress.
Surviving Middle & High School
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:59am
I don't think that a parent should stop expressing themselves just because they become parents, however I do think they should think about what kind of role model they are being for their kids to look up to. If this means, say toning it down a bit, expressing yourself differently when your kids are not around or something like that then fine. But we should also show our kids that each of us has our own personality and that they are welcome to express themselves as long as it does not infringe. For example, I got a belly ring when I was 27. Do I mind if Jordyn gets one, no, but she will have to wait til she is 18 to make that decision when she is of a more mature age to understand the consequences of it, or say a tattoo. Hair coloring, clothing, I do not see a problem with these because they a small way of expressing herself that are not permanent, as long as they are not interfering with things such as her schoolwork, etc.
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Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 2:37pm

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 5:16pm

Much as many people hate to admit it, you are judged on how you look. Despite the "don't judge a book by its cover" phrases, people do. I don't think that means if you are a person who enjoys the goth culture you need to start dressing like June Cleaver, but its a fact of life that other parents will judge you and by extension your child. I'm sure we've all met mothers and thought "I don't want my kids going over to that house, they are too weird/sexually explict/scary etc." That means that a perfectly innocent child is deprived of friends simply based on their parents outer presentation. It can be fathers as well as mothers. I'm sure if a Dad pulls up to pick up his kid wearing a biker jacket with gang logos, long hair and covered in tattoos, most parents would be a bit leary about letting their children play with that person's children. So while its unfortunately, children can be guilty by association.


So I think as others said, you can find more moderate ways to express yourself. You can still get dressed up the way you want for socializing with friends, nights out or hanging around the house. But you have to be aware that despite the incorrectness of it, other people will believe certain things about you solely based on your clothes, hair, make-up, etc. And as an extension, your kids, which is even more unfortunate.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 6:22pm

I think our kids definitely and without a doubt are highly influenced by the way we act/dress/behave.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 7:15pm

I think the parent can dress whatever way they wish but the child is going to pick up on it. This could possibly

Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:31pm

Very well put Tam!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:34pm
I agree Nancy, there is a time

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:37pm

Clearly the cyberspace didn't think much of my first post since I got shut down before I could click submit!


I'm not rewriting my whole post (because it's late and I'm lazy)


Basically - I just wanted to say that being different is not a sign of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 7:38am

Your DD sounds like a lot of fun!!!!I am dieing here at the pony tail visual!!!!


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