QOTW: "Perfect Kids"
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QOTW: "Perfect Kids"
| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:48am |
Question Of The Week for this week is Perfect Kids...topic by a boardmember:
~*~Do you feel that your
| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:48am |
Question Of The Week for this week is Perfect Kids...topic by a boardmember:
~*~Do you feel that your
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Oh, no. I'm more of a mediocratist LOL!
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Now that I have dragged myself off the floor from a fit of laughter let me answer your question. First of all if you saw me you would know right away that I am not the type to dress the "right" way. I don't even know what the "right" clothes are. And to add to my fashion problems - I HATE TO SHOP!!!!! Nearly my entire wardrobe is from the LLBean catalogue because I can just call them up and it will be delivered to my door. When I am in a group of women and they start talking about fashion I don't have a clue what they are talking about. I used to feel like I should learn about these things, but now I am old enough to just say "to hell with it."
That said I think that I am, at times, guilty of expecting my kids to be perfect in ways that are important to me. I want them to be thoughtful and polite and try their hardest in school and when they fall short on any of these marks I think I may be unfairly critical. I fall short on my own goals many times, but yet I expect my kids to meet the goals I have set for them all the time. Not fair eh? Well at least I am aware of my shortcomings and I try really hard to accept that everyone makes mistakes and kids should be expected to make more mistakes than adults. Wow, I don't mean to sound as if my kids are dilenquents that are failing out of school or anything like that. They really are great kids, but like all kids (people for that matter) they sometimes make mistakes or errors in judgement.
Robin
Nope not here. We can't afford the designer clothes so that is not an issue. I feel like they are going to be who they are and I love that they are all different. The only thing I worry about is friends I don't want the wrong sort of friends but it seems like they don't really gravitate toward those kids anyway just kids with similar interests.
First of all my kids wear uniforms to school so that takes that issue out of the equation. While I insist my stinky 12yo shower everyday, I don't mind what they choose to wear in their off time. My 10yo dd can do whatever she wants with her hair. They both have friends, even if I don't love all of them it's up to them. Their school is so small I don't know if there are right people and wrong people. I guess we must be wrong people if I'm not aware of it - lol. I expect them to be kind, live by the golden rule and other than that I just want them to do the best they can.
Neither of my kids is into fashion. My 12yo ds would live in t-shirts and nylon pants if he could and my 10yo still loves target leggings and shirts.
In all things, I encourage my dc to choose activities, styles, expressions, etc. based on what they are comfortable with. So they choose their hairstyles, clothing styles. We have a limited budget, so we would never shop at Abercrombie just because everyone else is wearing clothes from that store. When they get old enough to buy their own clothes, they'll probably make some wasteful decisions (just as I did with the much-desired Brittania jeans that fit so poorly I only continued to wear them because I'd spent so much of my own money on them!).
This question seems to be about "fitting in," so I will say that while I don't think it's healthy for kids to define themselves according to other people's opinions of what's stylish, hip, or whatever, I do think kids need to pay attention to the "norms" of society. They need to understand that there will be situations in their lives where it's best to "fit in," simply because sometimes dressing or acting a certain way amongst certain people will need to be done out of respect for others and in a spirit of "caring" about making others happy. I think kids need to balance their self-expression (me-ism) with societal conformity (us-ism).
That's sooo funny.
I gave up on Hannah Andersen when my twins were in preschool. They would just rip off any apparel that they didn't like. I took to buying their clothes from used clothing stores. I'd buy a garbage bag full of old party dresses and they' paw through them, take off a bow here, pin another one on there with Grandma's old brooch, adjust some things with safety pins and then run out to dig in the mud. That was when they were about 3. They just got more creative from there. Sometimes they would come to me with exactly 17 or exactly 23 hair doodads and insist that I disperse them in their hair so they looked like porcupines. Meanwhile, one of our neighbors was instructing her daughter on how to match together outfits and what kids of apparel were appropriate for which activities. They must have been from Mars.
In 5th grade, my girls look a bit more conventional and dress a bit more weather appropriately. But they still have some idiocentric ideas. I count myself very lucky if their hair is brushed in the morning. Somehow they're still drop dead gorgeous girls, but there's absolutely no way that I could compete in the perfect preppy child contest.
Diane
As far as his hair. His hair is blond & is down to his shoulders. I insist that he gets it trimmed every once in a while just to keep it half way neat & out of his eyes.. (I had to trick him into Great Clips a couple of weeks ago. LOL!)
He has such a diverse group of friends. Each one is so different than the other. Different personalities, different classes, different interest, different races. I often wonder if they will all stay close or if as they get older they will split because of their interest & etc. So far he hasn't had any friends that I discouraged a friendship with.
Oh...he does have one friend that he drifted away from. He & Aaron were friends from age 3 until about a year ago. He just got tired of the was Aaron was & decided that he no longer wanted to be friends. He said that it wasn't fun to hang out with him & was sort of a hassle. Their personalities just are so different. Aaron has a mean streak, while Quinn is more mischievous.
They only thing that I am picky about is that he bathes good & puts on his deodorant! (I've posted abut that here on this board) I insist that he washes his hair good (it's on the oily side). And I insist that he takes care of his skin. I do fret over his skin a little because he has pimples mainly on his forehead & nose. A couple of weeks ago, I decided that the Proactive wasn't working for him. I called his doctor & he's now on something else that is working wonders!
Nope, don't expect perfection. However I do ensure that her hair is brushed and her clothes KIND OF match. I know that kids can be cruel if you are too far ouside the accepted norm. I want my daughter to be in the middle. I think there is a lot of pressure on kids who are super popular for one reason or another and also alot of grief for the kids who fall at the other end of the spectrum and don't have any friends. I want her just to be "normal", stand out but not so far that you become a target for others.
I pretty much follow her lead with some guidance. If she wanted to shave her head I'd likely try and convince her otherwise, but she has had a short pixie cut in the past and it was entirely her decision. So I go with the flow and figure I am there to moderate the decisions, not make them.
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