What would you tell your dd to do in

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
What would you tell your dd to do in
3
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 8:21pm

this situation. we moved here a yr. ago & we knew there were 2 girls living a few houses down Nik's age but had never seen them all summer. Found out later 1 goes out of state to visit dad for part of the summer & the other has a pool & stays in the house. About 1 week before school started A came walking up the street w/her older sister. Nik was outside & the girls stopped to speak to 2 boys. Nik attempted to introduce herself & she got the once over look & the girls never answered her & went back home.

Fast forward to this yr. The girls have played very sporatically & only if Nik sees them out & goes down. As soon as Nik goes down A goes right into the house. C attemps to play for a bit & then finds an excuse to go inside. At first I thought A was extremely shy but after observing I've noticed A is very controlling & mean. Not in words but in actions.

Nik is very outgoing & it hurts her that these girls who live mere doors away & are all in her grade won't be friends no matter how hard Nik tries. Tonight the girls were playing basketball & Nik grabbed her ball & went down. A went right into the house & C & A's older sister asked Nik to play. After about 10 minutes A's sister went in & C said she had to eat dinner. Nik was hurt cause she doesn't believe anyone eats dinner at 8PM. i TOLD HER IT WAS VERY LIKELY THAT W/IT BEING SUMMER THEY COULD BE EATING DINNER AT THAT TIME.

Sorry for the caps. I told Nik to forget trying to be friends w/them & to just not go down there anymore. She has friends at school & friends from school that come here. I tried explaining that those 2 girls most likely have been playing together most of their lives & whatever A wants C does. C can be alone & won't come play w/Nik.

I don't want Nik to be in A's class next yr. & I was thinking of asking the P to not put them together. Then I think it might be just what they need but I wouldn't want A to be mean to Nik in school.

Am I doing the right thing by telling Nik not to go down to where their playing & just ignore them? need some advice here. Dee

Dee  

Mom to Nik

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:17pm

Ya know Dee, the "mama bear" in us wants to rush out and do whatever we can and advise our kids to do whatever we can think of to avoid being hurt--in a situation like this you need to back off and let Nik decide this stuff on her own!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 9:07am

JMO but I wouldn't push it and help your dd to move on. Not everyone is ment to be friends just because they live next door to each other. Nor is there something wrong with someone for not wanting to be friends with your dd. Perhaps they are just too different, have different interests or fit into different social groups at school.

My son has two classmates within a stones throw of our home. One boy lives across the street and the other one street over. I wouldn't want my son to hang out with either of them. One boy is manipulative and really hurt my son when they were younger and the other I just don't trust. I've known both families for years as the boys have always been in the same class. It's sad because it would be someone to hang with right here in the neighborhood but that's the breaks.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 9:56am

I hear you & thats the way i feel about this situation. Also A controls the other girl on this street. I wouldn't feel comfortable w/Nik being out of my earshot w/this girl because I feel she just might do something to hurt Nik like when they all go into the wood togewther she just might make the other kids think it was funny to leave Nik there.

I'm just not comfortable w/it all & I noticed when I was volunteering at the school this girl never smiles & is mostly alone at recess & hangs around the P or whatever teacher is out there. If she can't be w/C then she's alone.

Nik is very outgoing & a bit too trusting & like you I've told Nik that just because we live on the same street doesn't mean they have to be friends & hang together. dee

Dee  

Mom to Nik