Mean Girls at age 12

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Mean Girls at age 12
12
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 12:14am

Any advice from other parents who have had to deal with similar situations is welcome.
Thank you,
J




Edited 1/25/2008 3:51 pm ET by aprilsun66

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 7:10am

What does your daughter get out of being friends with "E"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 9:31am
I think this is excellent advice. While we would often want to tell them just to get rid of the not-so-great friend, they have to figure it out for themselves. I would follow this other advice, talk about the qualities of a good friend and hopefully she'll come to her own conclusions about who her friends should be.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 10:28am

Thank you,



Edited 1/25/2008 3:52 pm ET by aprilsun66
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 3:45pm
unfortunately waiting for them to figure it out can be very nerve wracking. Hannah has a friend that I thought was very mean to her. It took Hannah a couple of years to finally figure out that E wasn't a good friend. :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 8:41pm

We've had a similar experience with a girl who happens to be the daughter of one of my friends. This girl is a liar, and tends to blow with the wind. If she thinks the popular kids believe one thing, she'll betray her friends to go along. My daughter realizes she can't trust her, but still hangs out with her because she's fun. She's like a snake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 8:49pm

I can relate to this. There's nothing like having an adolescent to drag up all your old bad memories.


Two things to keep in mind: your kid may have similar circumstances, but she won't necessarily experience them the way you did. Her reactions are her own. Second, it's better to ask her how she feels about the situation than to tell her how you feel, as hard as that is.


You know that E is a phony and probably not worth much as a friend, but your daughter will not hear you if you say anything like that. Instead, she'll focus her energy on defending her "friend" to you, which will distract her from seeing her as she is. So ask her, "Are you okay with how "E" treated you?" and then later, much later, "What do you think makes a good friend?" All you can do is get her to think about how a true friend acts and hope she chooses wisely as she gets older.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 9:03pm

That must irritate you to no end.




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2007
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 11:22pm

Dear April,


All sound advice. If you do talk about how bad the girl is your daughter




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 10:26pm

SOrry to hear your DD is going through this; however it is pretty normal tween behavior, ugh!


I think at this age you really have to do a "live & learn" type of approach.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 5:01am

>>In the meanwhile I'm going to find other things for her to do (with us her parents or her other friends) so that she doesn't feel quite so lonely. I am still open to additional advice if you have any.


My daughter has made a few very good friends through the YMCA. She's 12 but I still have her go there for school breaks and the summer.

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